


Part I: Jus Drein Jus Daun

by HedaQueenslayer



Series: Rewriting History [1]
Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan, clexa - Fandom
Genre: Azgeda, Clexa, Cohesive as shit, F/F, Ice Nation - Freeform, Love, More complex and intertwined as it develops, Multi, Soulmates, That sounds pretentious but it's true, also this is pretty gay™, builds upon each fic as we go, hedaqueenslayer, intricately layered with the rest of the saga, so there's that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 21:30:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 55
Words: 75,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6167455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HedaQueenslayer/pseuds/HedaQueenslayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clexa and The 100/ Picks up 3 months after MW. Starts a little rushed but I promise I get better.</p><p>It's not a series, it's a saga. Increasingly complex and connected as the fics continue. So Lextra.</p><p>Because, fuck you Jason.</p><p>Preview: "May we meet again." It's nothing more than a whisper, but it's louder than the war horns, the sound of armour and metal, deafening compared to the rush of blood in her ears. It's a second blow, Clarke feels it in her bones. What was worse was that the whisper wouldn't stop...</p><p>*Part 2: Rewriting history<br/>*Part 3: Flames, Fire and Life<br/>*Part 4: A Lover of The Light</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's a little cray

 

 

She was lost in a sea of green. She felt heavy, as if an anvil had been planted inside her - right in her chest; her knees felt weak, her breathing was uneven and she was pinned to the ground. No matter how hard she urged her legs to move forward they remained rooted in their spot. Her eyes burned, they ached to close but she wouldn't let them. She couldn't let them. Everything was happening at once, she couldn't keep up with the pace. This wasn't happening, couldn't be happening, she felt dizzy before her mind ran itself blank and all that was before her was those piercing green eyes.

 

_"May we meet again."_

 

It's nothing more than a whisper, but it's louder than the war horns, the sound of armour and metal, deafening compared to the rush of blood in her ears. It's a second blow, Clarke feels it in her bones.

 

What was worse was that the whisper wouldn't stop.

 

It was now on repeat. Slowly getting louder with every repetition, but somehow remaining a whisper. She tried to shake her head, she tried to scream, she tried to move. The burning in her eyes worsening, the weight in her chest steadily pushing her deeper into the mud. Her mind reeling, she tried to swallow her silent scream of protest. She willed herself forward.

 

 _Lexa_!

 

She had to stop her. Her surroundings began to swim around her, her vision blurred in and out of focus, a wave of nausea overtook her before everything went black.

 

Then she could feel herself wandering, she was searching the black expanse before her, everywhere she turned she could see nothing. I need light. She thought as she reached her hands forward into the darkness. As if on cue a spotlight lit above her, casting an eery shadow around her, making the darkness beyond the spotlight even worse. She felt her body shudder. And then she felt it in her right hand. A heavy object…metal, evenly balanced. Clarke shook her head, panic setting in. She was holding her gun. What was worse was that involuntarily she found herself raising it. She stared at the gun and her arm curiously before searching out beyond it and looking for her guns target.

 

_Dante._

 

_**BANG** _

 

The old man crumples before her. Blood escaping his lips as he hits the floor.

 

 _No…no….No! Not again…_ Clarke said silently to herself, more of a prayer than anything else. She looked at the gun in disgust, she didn't even remember pulling the trigger, she just did it. As though the gun and her right arm had a mind of its own. It made no sense.

 

Turning her head away from the gun, Clarke noticed a small light in the distance.

 

She didn't remember starting to walk but she was never the less moving forward. Or was she? Every step toward the light she felt like it was farther away. She tried to run. She had to get out the darkness. _Move Clarke,_ she silently willed herself. _Just move._

 

It felt as though her feet would give out from under her, she couldn't take another step, yet she did. She trudged toward the light as though on a mission to save her own life, she quickened her pace.

 

Finally, the light began to grow. How long had she been moving for? Her legs ached and burned screaming for oxygen that her lungs just couldn't supply. Clarke's breathing was just as ragged as when she was lost in the sea of green… _no the green eyes,_ a shudder ran through her body at the thought… _No Clarke, just move your fucking feet_. And she did.

 

All at once the light spread out before her, finally Clarke thought. Just as the thought finished all the air was sucked out of her body as the light touched what was before her.

 

A putrid smell filled Clarke's nose, a bitter taste filled her mouth, ragged gasps escaped her body as she took in the sight.

 

Bodies.

 

Clarke gagged as she took in the sight, combing over each and every one, seeing it all absorbing the sight before her. She knew this place.

 

She was standing in the dining hall of Mount Weather. Clarke gasped again. She whirled around on the spot, the bodies were everywhere she turned, she couldn't escape them, and then she smelt it. Fire. Clarke whirled around again and her eyes burned all over again at the sight. The room was on fire. A whole new wave of panic set in. She had to get out of here. She had to find an exit, something, _anything._

 

Clarke stumbled in her blind panic, she struggled to stand again. She pushed with her hands and found not cement but flesh. Clarke reeled back, pushing herself to a kneeling position as she looked around in shock. The bodies, they had multiplied. She was no longer only with the dead mountain men, she was kneeling right on top of Anya and underneath her were hundreds of grounders.

 

She screamed aloud and shot straight to a stand still as she absorbed the horrific site. She stood atop a mountain of bodies and below her the fire danced, slowly enveloping each corpse as it rose toward Clarke. _No, no…no…please,_ she pleaded.

 

**CRACK**

 

Clarke's eyes blinked open, a tiny gasp escaped her lips. Without moving she tried to absorb her surroundings. She had heard a snap of a branch. She was sure she had. She had been out here for three months now. She knew the natural sounds of forest, she knew what belonged and what didn't. She remained her balled up position on the ground, her eyes combed the scene, looking far beyond what the light of her small fire reached. Slowly Clarke went to tighten her grip on the delicate dagger that was in her hand before she realized she couldn't possibly be gripping it more than she already was, she winced when she realized just how tight she was holding it. She must have been clenching it throughout her entire dream again. Clarke let out a small sigh as she continued searching the woods. She didn't move, if someone was out there, she wasn't going to let them know she was alert, poised, ready.

 

 _Come on…_ She thought after a long while. _Where are you…_

 

Clarke tried to concentrate on controlling her breathing. She tried not to think about what it would be like to just drop her guard and let whatever or whoever was out there take her. Let them end the nightmares once and for all. It's not as though she hadn't thought about it every day since landing on this god forsaken planet. She tried not to think about her terrifying nights spent tossing and turning, waking up to find new bruises, aching muscles and joints, burning in her throat and eyes. She tried not to think about the fact that she has spent every morning waking up from her night terrors with vomit on her breath and salty tears on her cheek. She really didn't understand how she hadn't choked on it and died already.

 

She swallows her next thought, the thought that tells her she wishes she had.

 

Clarke let out an involuntary shudder again that coursed through her body as a single tear dropped down her cheek again. She deserved this, she deserved all of this. She deserved to have sleepless nights and be stalked by what she could only assume was death. Her eyes remained trained to the forest, still acutely listening and watching for the threat.

 

Her silent battle within her waged on while she waited for dawn or death.

 

Whichever came first.

 

 


	2. The News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa you tragic lesbean

 

_"May we meet again"_

 

Lexa woke with a start and sat up. She was gasping for air trying to regain her proper rhythm. Her throat burned and her cheeks were damp with tears. Her neck and back were saturated and her sleepwear clung to her delicate frame.

 

Lexa looked up the ceiling to stop the final tear from falling. She shook her head, sighing, _a dream,_ she said internally. _Dream? No, that wasn't the right word for it_.

 

She swallowed the lump in her throat and gathered her robe to head to the window. She looked out on the capitol, took in the fresh morning air and tried not to wince when her mind wandered back to the nightmare.

 

She blinked as the focus of the capitol drifted out of site and before her stood Clarke.

 

No, not Clarke but A memory.

 

The final memory; one lasting image that's been burned into the back of Lexa's eyelids. She sees her wavy golden hair, the dirt and small cuts on her face, the dark circles from the stress of leading her people, the bridge of her nose, the colour draining from her cheeks, her eyes beginning to glisten with tears, her face reflecting exactly how crestfallen and devastated Lexa felt at that moment. The moment Clarke understood what Lexa had done. The moment she knew she was betrayed. The moment Clarke's eyes turned to shattered glass along with both their hearts.

 

A pain struck Lexa in her chest. Instinctively, her right hand shot to clutch her heart.

 

That moment she shattered Clarke's hope she had broke her own heart all over again. Just when the pieces had just began to fall back into place. When the world began to look a little less bleak, a little less lonely, Lexa had shattered her own hope as well.   _For the good of my people._

 

This mantra she told herself each day was less and less helpful.

 

Yet, here she was repeating it again, just as she had done every morning since that night. Another tear escaped her heavy unfocused stare.

 

Without realizing what she was doing Lexa was edging closer to the window. Every step she took she stepped closer to the image of Clarke before her. Not allowing herself to reach for the young blonde, Lexa still continued to edge forward. She stopped when she felt a cold sensation again her thigh. She blinked and looked down, the image of Clarke vanishing into smoke as she realized she walked straight into the balcony railing. Lexa shuddered, confused before looking not out over the balcony…but down.

 

Slowly her head tilted to the right as she slowly began to contemplate the ground below her. After the ground she contemplated the fall, she imagined the sting of the cool morning air rushing all around her, her braids and clothes whipping around her body against the rush of movement, as she contemplated the climb onto the railing her body absentmindedly followed her thoughts, she was now physically standing on the thick cement railing.

 

Her eyes were trained down, the cool morning breeze crashed into her, pulling at her clothes, pushing against her, forcing her to brace herself against it less she be knocked off the railing back into the safety of her balcony. When the breeze let up, Lexa released a little of her tension, blinking she slowly came to. The realization of where she was standing sunk in all at once and way too fast. Lexa gasped as she came to, but she did not move.

 

She remained there, allowing herself to absorb the moment, the thoughts and the actions that led her to this moment. All she would have to do is step. One tiny step forward and she could begin her own journey to the ground. The sentiment pained her again, like a dagger to the heart… _Clarke_.

 

More tears began to escape Lexa's eyes, she made no move to stop them, she let them fall. She watched each one roll down her cheeks, some landing on the railing below her feet, most falling from the tower completely.

 

" _Heda_?" a knock came from somewhere behind her. Lexa didn't flinch, she wasn't even sure if she heard it.

 

"Commander? It's about _Clarke Kom SkaiKru._ "

 

 


	3. The Bounty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa learns her not-yet wife's new title

 

The name was all she needed to break her out of her own thoughts. Lexa shook her head, quickly wiped the tears and hopped down from the railing. Swiftly heading into the heart of the room and finding a robe. She took a deep calming breathe before she spoke, trying to calm all the fears that were now rushing through her mind.

 

She had commanded Indra and Trikru to remain somewhat friendly with the Arkers. She asked Indra to watch, listen and be on alert for news on any retribution or retaliation for Mount Weather. This was common knowledge to the coalition members and Titus her trusted advisor. Lexa knew the SkaiKru posed no real threat to her coalition, their retaliation if any would result in certain death for them. They were outnumbered, naive to their new world and unprepared for a real war versus the 12 clans. Only Indra and Lexa knew her true mission: to watch, listen and be on alert for any news of Clarke.

 

When Indra entered the room she walked slow and deliberate. She kept her eyes low and her jaw set tight. She's angry Lexa observed.

 

"Indra, what news?" Lexa said trying to remain calm.

 

Indra raised her head to finally meet the commanders piercing eyes. Swallowing Indra began, "Commander the sky girl remains on her own."

 

Lexa nodded, she knew Clarke left the Arkers camp after the mountain. She had heard from Indra about Clarke irradiating the mountain and erasing them from existence. Lexa believed she understood why Clarke left.

 

Clarke couldn't kill Quint. She couldn't leave Lexa to die when the Pauna attacked. She tried to get revenge for TonDC by killing he sniper, Lexa recalled her own words _"did that make you feel better?_ " She recalled the pain in Clarke's answer.

 

She imagined how Clarke felt committing genocide in the mountain for her people Lexas own mantra crept into her thoughts and it sent a shiver down her spine. Lexa knew what Clarke was now carrying on her back: the burnt grounders at the drop ship, the people of TonDC, Anya, the mountain men and her own people. Clarke carries the weight of everything she'd done for her people - for her people. Once again another similarity and Lexa chokes down a bitter smile. Her pure heart, her feelings, she is driven by them her actions are out of a strong desire to survive - for her people to survive, she wears her heart on her sleeve and wears it like armour.

 

She left so she wouldn't have to face it. Any of it. She wouldn't have to face the words of thanks, the sighs of relief, the pain in their eyes of what they went through. By not going back Clarke is avoiding be thanked, praised and congratulated for defeating their enemy. She's avoiding being thanked for killing hundreds Lexa mused as once again a memory flooded her senses.

 

The memory of Titus standing before her, praising her in front of her people, in front of her new ambassadors for defeating their enemy and bringing peace between the 12 clans. Lexa bitterly thought back to that day biting her lip as she recalled what he was truly thanking her for: letting Costia die. She hadn't picked up a sword to go find the young girl, she hadn't gone to fight the Ice Queen for her and finally she hadn't even raised a sword in vengeance for the torture and beheading of Costia, she just allowed it to happen - for her people.

 

 _"Commander?"_ Indra's loud tone broke her train of thought.

 

Lexa shook her had, angry with herself that she allowed her mind to wander. She had missed what Indra had said. "Please, Indra I think I misheard you."

 

Indra looked a little more closely at the commander, her eyes scrutinizing. Lexa looked away. Indra cleared her throat and repeated herself.

 

"Clarke is surviving.." she started slowly, "her skills are growing daily, she eats and travels but.." Indra paused unsure if she should continue.

 

"But?" Lexa rounded on her, concern breaking through her stoic posture as she closed the distance between them, she was searching Indra's eyes "But what? Speak true Indra."

 

Indra examined the commander for only a second before swallowing her words. "I am not sure she is in good health."

 

Lexa's breath catches, "how so?"

 

"Sleep seems to evade her, she has…fits…she wanders aimlessly it seems at times. Her body looks tired, her spirit is weak." Indra looked away as she said this. Lexa observed her shrewdly, realization dawning on her that this was indeed Indra expressing worry for the young sky girl. The concern in her voice warmed Lexa slightly, she had been right to give this task to Indra. Lexa nodded, silently begging her to continue - she had to know. Any information on Clarke was food for her soul, she needed to know anything and everything.

 

"Commander there's something else."

 

This statement caught her off guard, she was expecting more news about Clarke. She needed it. Anger bubbled within her "what?"

 

"Its Azgeda."

 

Lexa froze. Ice Nation. Her anger boiled, now was not the time to bring that up. Not now, not again. Her anger slowly turned to fear as she looked upon Indra again. The warrior's strong mask had faded and worry filled her eyes. No, Lexa thought, Don't say it.

 

Indra licked her lips before she continued, she was bracing herself and Lexa knew it. "Azgeda have put a bounty out."

 

Lexa's heart sank. The room began to spin. She felt hot and cold and unsteady on her own two feet.

 

"They want Wanheda." Indra continued looking at the commander.

 

"Wanheda" Lexa whispered, Commander of Death, she shivered as the term crossed her lips. Clarke, she thought as she crossed the room to her desk, grabbing the edge to keep her trembling legs from giving way. She knew what this meant as she reached for one of her daggers, tracing its blade with her finger tip.

 

Their people believe that when you kill someone you gain their power. Lexa knew of the stories travelling between the 12 clans. The story of SkyKru's leader ridding the grounders of their singly greatest enemy in a single and decisive blow. Her legend built as Lexa's faltered a step.

 

Titus warned her. Titus had told Lexa to seek out Clarke and end her legend. To end the stories. To end the assumption that their Heda was weak for not doing what a single girl who fell from the sky did. Ending Clarke's legend would irrefutably place Lexa above all.

 

She stabbed the dagger into the desk with a pounding thud. Anger, fear, worry and guilt flooding into every ounce of her body. It was all hitting her in waves. Lexa swallowed her emotions, she had to think. She had to act. "Indra, fetch Roan."

 

 


	4. The Rabbit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clorke finds therapy

 

Clarke walked down to the stream she had found yesterday. It was a little ways down a hill from where she camped last night. She had covered her area twice now and saw no signs of beast nor person. No sign of disturbance. If someone or something had been there last night they were surely gone now. A dull calm crashed over Clarke again before she diverted her path towards the stream.

 

She was almost thankful that whatever it was woke her last night. Thankful it broke her out of her torturous dreams. She shuddered as she remembered the dream. It never changed yet it was always as fresh as the first time she had it. Clarke thought about how calm and dull she felt at this moment. She swallowed as she understood - she felt like death. She felt dead inside.

 

As she washed and soaked in the foot deep stream Clarke watched as the water ran over her body. She watched as her chest rose and fell, she felt the cool rocks on her ass and legs, the moss of the rocks brushing her feet. When she could finally see the natural colour of her skin again Clarke removed herself from the stream and quickly dried and clothed herself. She sat down to lace her boots. Oddly enough she didn't feel clean. She recalled the wash bin in Lexa's tent after she killed Finn. She remembered scrubbing and scrubbing as the water turned increasingly red, it hadn't made her feel better then either. Her mom was right, she can't wash off all of the blood that's on her hands.

 

"Victory stands on the back of sacrifice" Lexa's own words filled her head and Clarke lost herself in her thoughts all over again.

 

Clarke remained on the bank of the stream for sometime. Only when her stomach growled in protest of lack of food did Clarke stir from her thoughts. Slowly she gathered her things, finally her dagger and headed back to her camp. After packing up her gear, Clarke checked her two snares. The first was empty. Figures Clarke thought bitterly as she picked up the trap and moved on to her next one. This one was pulled tight, she could see a rabbit hopping in every direction trying to find its escape.

 

Clarke stopped moving. She slowly removed the dagger from her belt. Silently she poised herself, trained her eye on the hopping rabbit and flipped the dagger to its tip in her fingers. She pinched the cool metal between her thumb and finger gripping tight. She arched her back and took her shot.

 

**_THUD_ **

 

The dagger missed its mark.

 

"Fuck." Clarke whispered, disappointed. Slowly she walked to the dagger, ignoring the rabbit and headed back to where she originally threw. She had nailed rabbits like this from a distance of about 7ft she estimated, she wanted to be able to do more. Her thoughts slipped back to Lexa flinging her own dagger into Quints arm saving Clarke's life. She had to be at 20 feet or more and nailed her mark.

 

Clarke growled and pushed the thought of Lexa out of her mind and grit her teeth. Anger bubbling up again just at the thought of her. Clarke dove into her dagger throwing, again and agin she tried and missed her mark. Frustration mixing with anger Clarke remained unbowed she would nail this little fucker.

 

Again and again she threw the knife. Again and again missing its mark. Curse words were flying from Clarke now, she was so worked up. She let out a hollowed, blood curdling scream in her anger and frustration and rifled the dagger towards the hopping rabbit.

 

The hopping stopped.

 

Clarke's eyes widened as she took in the sight. She sucked in a shaky breath trying to ground herself again, but before she could she was crying. She was now kneeling over the rabbit with her dagger in its side and bawling. She couldn't control her tears, she didn't want to. She took another life. She caused another death.

 

" _Yu gonplei ste odon_ " Clarke whispered as she loosened the snare and removed the dagger. Her tears now silent.

 

When the sun was starting to lower Clarke, was still walking. Her pack on her back, the rabbit slung in a pouch and her dagger on her hip. She found a spot to set up her camp right before night fell. She started her fire and began cleaning and preparing her rabbit. Her stomach's growls were too persistent now, too loud to ignore.

 

When she was finished Clarke sat back against a tree trunk and drove her dagger into the earth beside her. She watched the flames dance as her hand slowly grabbed the hilt of her dagger and sleep overtook her.

 

Clarke woke in a panic, her dagger up ready to attack or defend. She struggled to catch her breath, to bring it back to a normal pace as she took in her surroundings. Her fire was dim, but she saw or heard nothing. Her dreams woke her. No one was there. She shook her head, you're alone Clarke she told herself.

 

Standing to stretch out her aching muscles, Clarke circled her camp a few times just to safe. She put another log on the fire, added a second one and when the fire was blazing and the light was keeping her fears at bay Clarke began practicing with her dagger.

 

She moved fluidly, striking the air, spinning and manoeuvring herself into different positions. The movements were therapy, it was muscle memory, she had been doing it for 3 months. Whenever sleep evaded her. It made her feel stronger, it made her feel safe, it made her feel less afraid.

 

When her muscles were screaming Clarke resigned herself to practising her throws. She flung the blade time and time again into a tree. Over and over again trying to hit the same mark. She continued through until morning when finally gasping for air Clarke flung the dagger a final time. There were multiple holes in the tree from the dagger, many of those holes told Clarke she hit her mark a lot. She looked back at where she was throwing and realized that was easily a 15foot distance.

 

A small smile crossed Clarke's lips, she was getting better.

 

There was a very dim light in the forest now, slight whispers of shadows danced with the movement of the wind through the trees. A floral scent filled the air erasing the damp smell from Clarke's nose. The scent was oddly familiar, calming and yet exciting. Clarke shook her head slightly, as she stared through the trees. She thought she saw movement;  _A person? Just a shadow? The trees maybe? An animal?_ She froze on her spot and continued to stare to where she thought she saw the movement.

 


	5. The Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprises

 

Lexa froze.

 

There she was.

 

Looking right at her.

 

"Clarke" she breathed out a shaky breath and an even shakier whisper. Relief washed over her all at once. She was okay. She was standing 30 ft away from her, breathing in and out, training her eye on the forest. Lexa's lips couldn't help but twitch as she watched Clarke. Clarke knew she wasn't alone and that made Lexa feel a tiny bit lighter, Clarke was physically okay and ready to defend herself. Lexa took in the sight, watched Clarke adjust her grip on her dagger and allowed herself to smile. She knew Indra said she was taking care of herself but now that she saw it she could really believe it.

 

Before Lexa could react she watched Clarke arch and Lexa ducked before she heard the dagger fly just to the right of her and land in a tree trunk a few feet back. She flung her eyes back on Clarke - Clarke was no longer there. Lexa took a deep breath, and peaked her ears and strained her eyes to find the blonde girl again. Clarke would be coming this way, searching for a sign of hitting her mark, she'd find Lexa.

 

Quickly, without wasting another moment Lexa removed herself from her position, moving silently she began her way to a different vantage point. Remaining on watch for Clarke. Lexa began to panic. What if Clarke found her here, found her watching her? Lexa hadn't planned on actually finding Clarke. When she sent Roan to Azgeda, Lexa used the moment to disappear from Polis herself leaving word with Indra and Titus that she would be joining Roan. They didn't need to know that Lexa was selfishly in the woods looking for the girl that stole her heart, the girl that Lexa broke her own heart to betray. They didn't need to know the guilt she felt, nor would they understand it. Love is weakness. But she had to know, she had to see her, even if it was from a distance. She had to ensure her safety personally.

 

Finally, Lexa found a good spot to hide again. She could see the dagger in the tree and watched silently for Clarke to retrieve it. Where was she? Lexa looked around, Clarke was really taking to her new life as a nomad. Lexa beamed slightly as she again absorbed how resourceful Clarke was. Savouring another piece of the girl she loved.

 

There she was. She silently emerged from the brush and removed her dagger from the tree. Lexa watched as Clarke looked around. Clarke moved slowly to where Lexa had been moments before. Clarke knelt in the same spot, it looked like she was breathing in deep, Lexa cocked her head. What is she doing? Clarke continued to look around and Lexa watched as Clarke looked for clues as to who had been there. Not much gets by her. Lexa was impressed. For a girl that grew up in space and fell from the sky, she was handling the forest like a seasoned grounder.

 

A low growl in the distance broke her train of thought. Lexa's eyes widened in fear, she knew that sound. She watched wide eyed as Clarke connected the dots as well. She wasted no time in heading back to her camp and grabbing her things. In a matter of moments Clarke was on the move. Lexa shook her head. What is she doing? Stay there Clarke. Stay. No Stay. She silently willed the blonde to listen.

 

It was safer by the fire. She had to know this. Why was she leaving the safety of the light?

 

Another growl was heard, this time louder - closer. Lexa looked around searching for signs. When she finally rounded back to Clarkes camp and her fire Lexa's heart sank. Clarke had disappeared again. Lexa shook her head and swore under her breath. She tried to swallow the panic rising in her throat. Lexa made her move, she had to follow the girl. She slowly, silently made her way through the trees towards the fire. She had to track her, she had to find a sign of which direction she went. She had to find her.

 

Before Lexa could gather any reasonable tracks she heard a violent rustling behind her. She whirled around and crouched. She knew what was coming, quickly she grabbed a branch, tore her shirt and wound it around the end of the branch. She hurriedly left her place and began searching the ground. Finally she found what she was looking for and thanked Clarke for being so resourceful, she snatched at the fat from Clarke's kill and began putting it on the fabric from her shirt that was now wrapped on the branch.

 

The menacing growls were getting closer, she didn't have much time. It was too late now, the beast knew where she was, it caught her scent and it was coming. Moving closer to the fire, Lexa observed her surroundings. She drew her blade and shove the branch into the fire. The fat ignited the fabric and burned bright and Lexa took a deep steadying breath as she raised her sword and torch.

 

 


	6. The Pauna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You better go save your girlfriend

 

Clarke looked down on the scene below her. _What is she doing here?_

 

Clarke's shock engulfed her. She never expected to see the grounder beauty again. The shock quickly switched from shock to anger. What is she doing here? she wonders, this time seething. Clarke watched as Lexa searched the camp. She heard the growling and the rustling in the trees to the North. Clarke's anger began to lessen as she looked to Lexa again. She was pulling out her sword and lighting the torch she made. Clarke bit her lip, _she thinks she's going to fight it off?_! Clarke shook her head, no, no Lexa, no, leave.

 

The growling was getting closer; it was too late now. The beast knew where she was and Lexa was obviously not going anywhere. Panic set in, as her heart pumped faster and her eyes widened just as the growling intensified and a crashing blur came through the trees.

 

The Pauna.

 

It landed and reared on its legs as it took in the sight of the fire along with Lexa. Growling again the beast smashed its fists into the ground in a display of dominance. Clarke watched in horror as Lexa gracefully braced herself both ready to attack and defend. The beast flung itself to the right as Lexa fluidly changed her stance to the left, putting the fire between them. She kept moving: slow but determined. The beast made its move launching itself into a tree for leverage and using the momentum to close the distance between her and Lexa. Clarke's breath caught in her throat. Lexa swiped the torch and the beast hesitated for a moment, Lexa took her chance and struck the beast's arm. A terrifying sound came from the Pauna as it took the swords edge.

 

Lexa made her next move swiping the torch again at the beast landing the fire on the beasts leg. The beast reacted, catching Lexa off guard and thudding a deafening backhand to the commanders side. Lexa went flying backwards feet from the fire. Clarke gasped Lexa's eyes flew open at the sound when she landed. Clarke locked eyes with her, widened in fear, horror taking over her features. Her heart painfully beating in a hurried manner. No! Get up! She looked over to the beast that was now rounding on the commander, Clarke looked back at Lexa and locked eyes. Get up Lexa! Clarke's adrenaline was pounding she couldn't think straight, she had to do something – anything! Eyes wide with fear Clarke took in the sight of Lexa, determination quickly filled her, to Clarke's surprised Lexa subtly shook her head signaling to Clarke to stay where she was. Clarke shook her head in disbelief she couldn't just sit on her perch and watch this horrible scene occur. Clarke swallowed as her eyes stayed glued to Lexa's as the Pauna made it's move to eliminate the distance between them. Lexa had a serene look on her face now, a small twitch at the corner of her mouth as if she was going to smile at Clarke – and that was all the motivation Clarke needed.

 

"No!" Clarke shouted and she made her move. She dropped from her perch, dagger uo and ready. Stab, don't slash she reminded herself of Octavia's advice from camp Jaha before the war. Clarke landed with a thud on the back of the Pauna, air escaped her lungs as she took the brunt of the force landing awkwardly but dagger down in the beast's neck. The beast realed backwards, howling in pain and making wild grabs towards the new threat on its back.

 

Clarke grabbed the fur with her free hand attempting to drive the dagger deeper as she was tossed around. Clarke squeezed her thighs as tight as she could just to hang on. Lexa made her move, no longer the beasts main target she painfully rose to her feet and grabbed her torch. Sword in her right hand, she lunged and caught it's thigh as blood came squirting out between the flesh and fur.

 

"Clarke!" she screamed, not attempting to hide her panic. She lunged with the torch. Hitting her mark, Lexa shifted her stance and swung the sword again connecting with another satisfying slice. Clarke took her chance and twisted the dagger, the beast now flailed its arms viciously at Lexa. Clarke adjusted her grip on the fur and ripped the dagger out before plunging it again into the meaty flesh. Blood splattered on out of the wound onto there face, spitting out the metallic taste she screamed "Lexa move!"

 

Lexa wasted no time, she heard the desperation in Clarke's voice, urging her out of harms way. She side stepped again placing the fire between her and the beast. "Clarke let go!" she screamed as the beast groped behind itself again trying to remove Clarke like a parasite. Clarke wrenched the dagger from its second position and released her grip on the beasts back. Falling backwards with the momentum of the twisting Pauna Clarke landed hard against a tree trunk. Gasping for breath Clarke quickly scrambled to a crouch just as Lexa came running at the animal. A war cry escaped her lips as she twirled her sword and blocked the beasts defensive strike, slicing it's forearm, blood escaped the wound splattering everywhere. She thrust her torch again and connected with the side of the animals head. Lexa was left vulnerable to the beasts right arm as it connected with her sending her flying into the brush beyond the light.

 

"Lexa!" Clarke's blood curdling scream echoed through the trees. Clarke was wide eyed in horror as made her move, grabbing the dropped torch as the beast made its way towards Lexa. "No!"she exclaimed realizing she had no time to attack with Lexa's torch. Instead, Clarke flipped the dagger's blade into her finger tips and flung the weapon as hard as her body would allow.

 

_**CRUNCH** _

 

The beast halted its death march toward Lexa's position, it staggered and swayed in its spot, the dagger sticking out of its head. Deep but not deep enough, Clarke took her chance finding Lexa's sword crossing the distance between her and the pauna and finally, ending its life by thrusting the commanders sword through the back of its neck and into its skull. The noise of it all curdled Clarke's stomach as she pulled the sword out and the beast fell to the ground. Clarke froze in the wake of the scene before quickly gaining herself back and looking up for Lexa.

 

"Lexa?" She called out.

 

Silence followed except for the crack of the fire behind her.

 

"Lexa!?" Clarke screamed, desperation engulfing her. A whole new wave of panic was setting in. She looked around wildly and began moving forward to where she thought the girl fell. Her pace quickened as the silence ensued, Clarke tried to push the nausea she was beginning to feel away, sucking in air she tried to calm herself. She wildly searched the area before her for any sign of the young brunette. Clarke didn't even notice when the tears began to fall, she was so focused on urging her feet to move forwards regardless of what she found.

 

Then she saw it, the red piece of fabric that hung from the commanders shoulder piece. She followed the red fabric up until the found the still body lying in the bushes and earth.

 

"NO!" She screamed.

 

She closed the distance in an instant, falling to Lexa's side. Her hands found themselves around the commanders face, cupping her cheeks Clarke gulped back tears. She noticed a trail of blood from the commanders lips. It sucked the breath from her lungs. She wildly began to observe any visible injuries, she couldn't see in this dark. _Fuck,_ she thought as she moved her hand to cup Lexa's head off the ground and search for a pulse with her free hand.

 

 _Thank fuck_. She had a pulse. It was strong. Clarke's chest rattled with silent thankful sobs. "Why are you here?" she asked aloud, "why did you come?"

 

 


	7. The Injury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She may love you but she doesn't have to like you

 

Lexa woke wide-eyed and in pain. She moaned as her body jerked, revealing her injuries.

 

"Don't move."

 

Lexa immediately froze as she recognized the voice. Clarke was okay. Lexa let out a painful sigh of relief;  _she's okay_ , she thought to herself. She searched out for the blonde she had to see for herself. Lexa turned her head to find Clarke not far from her, her blonde hair ablaze in the light beside the fire. She was lowering a stick with meat on it from where she had held it above the heat. She made her way to Lexa's side and looked down on her.

 

Lexa couldn't help but feel admiration to the blonde. She was incredible.

 

How could she not feel what she felt for Clarke. She was beautiful, strong, kind and courageous. She was perfection and imperfection all rolled into one. She was a force to be reckoned with.

 

An equal.

 

Clarke looked down on her with a serious face but Lexa did not miss the look of concern before it faded. "You shouldn't have come here." Clarke said matter-of-factly. Sadness filled her expression and Lexa involuntarily winced. Clarke moved from her position, and crept closer to Lexa.

 

She stared into the deep ocean of blue that was Clarke's penetrating eyes. She couldn't help but feel like they always saw more than the commander, more than her injuries, more than Lexa herself. Clarke Griffin could see her soul. Lexa tried to break the eye contact but failed miserably. Did Clarke not understand why she came? Why she had to come? Lexa swallowed her reply and let the silence envelope them. Lexa pleaded wordlessly as she was locked in the blondes gaze, Clarke had to understand.

 

Clarke kept looking at her shrewdly before blinking and adjusting her concerned posture.

 

"You have a dislocated shoulder and what I'm fairly certain is a concussion." Clarke stated as she made a move to unbuckle the commander's armour. Lexa flinched, every movement hurt.

 

"I'm sorry" Clarke said, "But I have to take this off and pop your shoulder back in."

 

They made eye contact again and Lexa fell still, giving a slight nod. Clarke removed Lexa's gear tenderly trying not to cause any unnecessary discomfort. When the gear was off Clarke looked back to Lexa's eyes. "Okay, I have to pop it back in now. You ready?"

 

Lexa looked deep into her eyes. Getting lost in the blue again, she found her strength. She nodded and Clarke made her move.

 

_**POP** _

 

"Aaaargggghhh" Lexa exclaimed as the joint reset. _"Jok!"_ _Fuck!_  

 

Breathing heavily through the pain, she felt Clarke's palm move from her arm to lay on her chest, her thumb rubbing soothing cirlces.

 

"Breathe," she whispered, "just breathe, it's over."

 

Lexa absorbed the moment.

 

She felt everything; the pain in her shoulder, the bumps and bruises from the Pauna, the anguish of betraying Clarke, the soothing rubbing of Clarkes hand and calm comforting voice. She tried to speak and no words escaped her. She tried to thank Clarke, she tried to let her know she felt it all; both her and Clarke's pain but she couldn't the words wouldn't form, instead she found herself battling the darkness before she finally succumbed to it all. The pain and the emotions were too much and not enough. She lost consciousness looking into the deep blue eyes of the girl she loved, the girl she betrayed, the woman she left for dead at the mountain.  _Her Clarke._

 

"Lexa," she heard an angelic voice whisper. "Lexa, wake up."

 

Lexa stirred slowly back to consciousness "Clarke?" escaped her lips in a half whisper half dry gurgle.

 

She felt gentle hands lift her head and a cool metal hit her lips. "Drink, you need to drink." Clarke's voice rang clear through the physical pain she was feeling.

 

Lexa's eyes fluttered open as she tried to gulp down the offering at her lips. Swallowing the cool water in, she swallowed deep a couple times. She felt the canteen pulled away from her lips as Clarke then brought the back of her hand wipe the excess liquid from Lexa's mouth. She sputtered slightly as she let the blonde's hand guide her head back down. Lexa was surprised it did not hit the earth but instead the warmth of Clarke's thigh. Despite herself she let out a swift sigh in that fact. She looked up to find Clarke looking back at her. She couldn't decide if she looked more relieved or angry. She was surprised to find, as she looked at her that there was genuine concern as well. The thought lifted Lexa's spirit;  _there you are_ , she thought.

 

Then it went black again.

 

When Lexa woke again she found herself with her head still propped on Clarke's thigh. She allowed herself a brief moment of appreciation for where she was currently lying. She was alive when she was certain death would have taken her. She was alive and in the presence of Clarke.

 

This amazing being, one that was far too good for this earth, a girl who deserved more than just surviving. A pain hit Lexa's chest. Phsycial or emotional she couldn't tell anymore but she gasped none the less.

 

"Lexa?" Clarke stirred, concern filling her voice.

 

"I'm okay... sorry" Lexa said quietly trying to hide the pain.

 

She saw Clarke roll her eyes, "Stop moving." she said cooly, composure taking over her features. Lexa froze. "Well no, be comfy - but stop moving" Clarke said with the smallest hint of a smile but true authority in her voice.

 

Lexa let her body relax and her head rest easily again against Clarke's leg. "Good." the blonde noted.

 

Lexa felt her eyes on her. She felt exposed again but tried to shrug it off, this was Clarke after all. She could allow her to see her weak surely, couldn't she? She didn't have time to ponder the thought before the blondes hand found a stray hair and pulled it from Lexa's face.

 

"I'll wake you again in a bit, it's okay. You can sleep again, you're _safe."_ She heard Clarke whisper, and Lexa believed her. She _felt_ safe with Clarke.

 

 Lexa caught her eye again before succumbing to the blonde's words of comfort and black enveloped her again.

 

 

 

 


	8. The Half Truth

 

A few hours had passed since Lexa had last woken. Clarke found herself missing the tranquility she had found when looking into Lexa's eyes. The green was soothing, calm and quiet and she missed it. She found herself tracing her features with her finger tips, drawing soft lines along her jaw, slowly tracing down into her neck. She was running her fingers through Lexa's loose strands of hair, brushing it off her face and forehead.

 

The movement was calming Clarke, it was keeping her mind off of the events of the night.

 

 _She almost died. I almost didn't do anything. A split second longer…she could be dead_.

 

The thoughts wouldn't stop racing through her mind but her gentle hand strokes helped dull the voice in her head. Lexa was okay, she was breathing and there. She was _literally_ in Clarke's lap. Clarke looked closely at the commander as she stopped her hair stroking and grabbed the damp rag she had been using on Lexa's forehead. She used it to wipe the dried blood from Lexa's split lip.

 

 

Clarke looked down at the rag. The blood appeared black. _Shadows?_ No, that made no sense, the fire was giving off more than enough light. Clarke could see the red shade of fabric on the commander's cloak. This blood was black. Literally, it was dried black blood she was wiping from the lip.

 

Clarke looked curiously from Lexa's lip to the rag and back again. She found herself lost in the sight of Lexa's soft bottom lip. She gently wiped the area again clearing it of the remaining blood. Clarke's chest rose and fell calmly with Lexa's breathing. It had taken until the first time Lexa's eyes opened for Clarke's breathing to go back to its normal rhythm. Once the brunette had woken Clarke finally had known she was out of the danger zone of her concussion. All she had to do now is keep waking her every so often.

 

She cooked some of the Pauna meat while waiting to wake Lexa again. She smiled slightly at the sight of the commander sleeping in her lap before she shook her head.

 

 _She betrayed you,_ Clarke reminded herself biting her lip at the thought. _She left you and your people for dead_.

 

Clarke tried to ignore the other voice in her head, the one that was asking why Lexa was here now? Why Lexa risked her life? Why had she come? Clarke swallowed hard, she didn't care she told herself. It didn't matter. Lexa should have left Clarke alone, just like at the mountain. She should have left her for dead.

 

As hard as she thought about these things the voice in the back of her head, the one that showed concern for Lexa would not be silenced. Regardless of how Clarke feels, Lexa came, she was here. Clarke ripped off a piece of meat from her stick she had held over the fire. She chewed the meat in silence as her eyes continued to trace Lexa's features and her mind continued to race.

 

Clarke woke to the cool damp morning air. She looked down to find Lexa still in her position looking like an angel in her lap. Clarke looked on as the sun glistened against the soft curves of Lexa's jaw, the shadow that played with Lexa's nose and the soft lips that had so gently graced her own not so many months ago. Sighing at the thought and ignoring the feelings deep inside her that it stirred, she gently lifted Lexa's head and replaced her leg with Clarke's coat so the girl's head was still off the damp earth.

 

Clarke slowly and silently crossed the distance to her spare logs to throw another on their fire. She was shivering in the cool air now that she was separated from Lexa's body heat. Clarke looked back and went to adjust the blanket she had placed on Lexa, she lifted it slightly to pull it closer to Lexa's neck.

 

Clarke spent a few hours cleaning remaining meat from her kill from the night before. She cooked it and carefully packed it away. She had enough meat for a few weeks at least now. She cleaned her dagger, removing the blood, dirt and fur from the battle. She gathered some water from a nearby brook before washing herself in it. She wet some spare rags and attempted to wash the blood and grit from Lexa's armour and gear. Bringing back the gear and more wet rags Clarke made her way back to Lexa.

 

She methodically removed any exposed dirt and blood from Lexa before Lexa stirred back to consciousness. "Clarke?" her whisper echoed through the silence between them.

 

"Hey, easy does it, I'm right here." Clarke said as she watched Lexa struggle to sit up. She quickly adjusted herself so she could help her sit up straight. Slowly Lexa got into position.

 

Lexa reached up to her bruised head, gently rubbing the point of contact. Silence filled the space between them again before Lexa met Clarke's gaze and said

 

"Thank you."

 

This caught Clarke off guard. Not because the commander was thanking her. Not because Lexa was thanking her, but more so because Lexa sounded surprised when she said it.

 

 _Did she not think I would save her?_ _Does she think I'm that shallow that I'd let her be torn apart by a wild animal? Did she not think her life was worth saving? Did she not think I could do it?_

 

Too may thoughts raced through Clarke's head all at once. Clarke watched her before replying, "You would have done the same."

 

Clarke hadn't realized the validity of the statement until it came out of her mouth. Clarke saved Lexa's life because Lexa would have done the same. She shook her head trying not to think about that fact. Quickly changing the subject Clarke went on to tell Lexa about her injuries and how to care for them.

 

Lexa said nothing during Clarke's lecture. She remained looking into Clarke's eyes before Clarke handed her some of the roasted meat. "Eat." She said.

 

Lexa took the meat with her less sore arm and chewed quietly. The warmth of the meat filled her. It helped rid her of the remaining dampness of the morning. She watched Clarke as she chewed the meat.

 

"Clarke-" Lexa started to say before she was cut off.

 

"You shouldn't have come here." Clarke interrupted.

 

Lexa swallowed what she was going to say along with her last bite of meat.

 

"You should be with your people," Clarke continued, "you could have died. Then where would your people be? Where would my people be? Where would I…" she stopped herself. "Lexa, seriously what _the fuck_ were you doing?"

 

The harsh switch in Clarke took Lexa back. She opened her mouth unsure what to say. Hesitating, as her mind raced. She had so many reasons for being there.

 

First and foremost it was out of love. Lexa knew that. She knew a long time ago, she knew the moment she broke her own heart by betraying Clarke at the mountain that she had loved her. She had slipped away from her people in silence and under false pretences to find the sky _heda;_  she had risked everything to make sure she was breathing, she risked it all for Clarke.

 

And she would do it again.

 

She looked at Clarke wishing she could tell her but instead of seeing the deep blue of Clarkes eyes she saw a steel grey. This grey stopped Lexa from divulging her true reason for being there.

 

 _Not yet,_ the words clarke had said so long ago in Lexa's tent after their kiss echoed in her ears. She couldn't tell her the truth as to why she was here. She had to settle for the half truth; Lexa may be the one physically injured, but the emotional turmoil Lexa had caused was visible to her in Clarke.

 

This wasn't the sky _heda_  she fell in love with. Clarke had changed. Something was off. Her guard was up.

 

"Azgeda." Lexa found herself saying quietly. "Ice nation." she swallowed wishing Clarke could sense the tone of her voice, the concern she tried to layer into her explanation. "They seek _Wanheda."_

 

Clarke swallowed at the term. " _The Commander of death_ " she whispered eyes widening.

 

Lexa nodded slowly, impressed with Clarke's language skills. She had learned a lot in her three month hiatus from being a leader.

 

"You're in grave danger Clarke." Lexa whispered trying to inflect her concern and worry for Clarke as best she could. She needed her to grasp the severity of the situation.

 

 _Remember,_ she willed silently to Clarke, _remember what I told you about Costia_.

 

(Clarke remembers.)

 

 

 


	9. The Argument

 

_Azgeda._

 

 _..._ _Costia_

 

_Wanheda._

 

_Commander of Death._

 

A shiver ran through Clarke's body as the magnitude of her newly given title began to sink in. This was about the mountain, it had to be. She shook her head and looked to Lexa. The commander's eyes had not left her.

 

Clarke saw her looking deep within her; she saw concern and worry etched on Lexa's delicate features. Clarke tried to quickly put her walls back up. She tried to steel herself from the shudder of fear that Lexa's words and look gave her.

 

"I don't understand." Clarke said quietly, lying through her teeth. 

 

She knew. She knew grounder lore; she knew very well why she was in danger now. They want her _'power'._ Clarke swallowed the bitter taste that filled her mouth.

 

 _They think I'm powerful? They think because I committed genocide that I somehow control death?_ Disgust filled her body and mind as she digested the information. They envied her for mass murder…for the destruction and end of 300 more souls?

 

"Clarke," Lexa started breaking into Clarke's trance, "you're not safe." Clarke could hear her tone, she recognized the sound of desperation Lexa tried to hide.

 

Clarke shook her head breaking out of her thoughts. She felt the anger of the situation fill her instantly and didn't stop herself when she felt it come pouring out at Lexa.

 

"I'm not safe? _Seriously Commander?"_ Clarke rolled her eyes. "You didn't seem that concerned when you left me on the mountain! You didn't give a _single fuck_ about betraying me at the time! You left my people to die! You left _ME_ to die!" She screamed at the brunette.

 

Lexa remained calm but she couldn't hide the involuntary wince that came after Clarke's words and the obvious inflected insult at her title.

 

  _Good_ , Clarke thought, _you felt that did you._

 

And Clarke continued yelling.

 

"You think you're so high and mighty, you can make _all_ the decisions – that you can decide who lives and who dies. You think you can play with people's lives like a God? You're wrong Lexa, you don't decide who lives and dies; people just end up getting in your way and the end result is death. It's not fate, it's not power - it's destruction and that's what you cause!" Tears angrily started rolling down Clarke's cheeks.

 

She could see Lexa try to mask what she was feeling, she watched as Lexa slowly disappeared and the commander's mask came back on. Clarke continued on her rant she wanted to attack Lexa not the commander, "You could have not taken his deal, you could have stuck to our plan – it was working. It would have worked. We could have won!"

 

"Clearly you didn't need my help." Lexa said coolly, blinking back the tears Clarke's words had caused. She refused to let them escape her eyes, Clarke could tell Lexa was fighting with her two selves; she was having an internal battle between Lexa and her alter-ego Heda.

 

 _"Clearly,"_ Clarke spat back at her.

 

Lexa winced. She swallowed and took a moment before speaking, making sure Clarke had finished her yelling.

 

"Tell me, if they had offered you the deal would you have chosen differently? Would you _really_ have chosen differently? Would you have risked more of your peoples lives when you were given a golden opportunity to get them out without losing anymore?"

 

"I would have found another way!"

 

"There was no other way, Clarke. Our plan was risky and endangered thousands. I had to play the hand I was dealt to protect my people. Their leaders proposition removed the risk." Lexa said calmly trying to make Clarke understand.

 

"Only at the expense of betraying _me."_ Clarke spat back, venom in her words. Clarke didn't want to understand she wanted to be angry. She felt justified in this feeling.

 

Lexa nodded, before she quietly said "Yes…"

 

Clarke looked upon her as she witnessed a tear finally escape Lexa's left eye and slowly make its way down her cheek streaking her black war paint. She saw pain on Lexa's features, the commander mask had dropped again.

 

Clarke tried hard not to smile at this. She felt vindicated in making Lexa feel vulnerable, for making her feel guilty…for making her feel _anything!_

 

Lexa didn't bother trying to wipe the few tears that fell now. She looked up at Clarke imploringly, "Please Clarke, I don't want to dwell on the past. You're in danger now."

 

"I'll be fine." Clarke said getting up and putting her dagger in her belt.

 

"Clarke, _beja_  listen to me." Lexa started again.

 

"No. I know what you said. I know what it means. Ice nation is looking for me, they think I am Wanheda. I got it."

 

Lexa slowly shook her head, "No Clarke, it's _not_ just Azgeda." She swallowed before continuing as though it was painful to continue, "your legend has spread, you're being hunted Clarke. Everyone is now looking for you."

 

Clarke snorted, "We both know I am no commander of anything Lexa, your people will see that if they find me."

 

"Clarke you must understand, they wo-" Lexa's panic coming through.

 

"I do. I do understand. Your people want me dead. What else is new?" Clarke shot at her trying to ignore the concern in Lexa's voice. _How dare she act like she gives a shit._

 

And with that she stalked off into the brush leaving Lexa in her guilt, concern and fear – Clarke didn't need it.

 

When she was heading back to the camp she made no effort to be quiet. Clarke was stuck in her head trying to make sense of everything. She was trying to plan her next move. She had to figure out what the hell she was going to do. Suddenly she heard movement before being pushed backwards hard to the ground.

 

"Shhh. Quiet sky girl." It was Indra.

 

"Get off of me" Clarke said struggling to sit up and push Indra off.

 

"Where is the commander?" Indra asked purposely.

 

Clarke looked at her confused. She didn't know where Lexa was? What the fuck was Lexa doing out here without telling her advisors? "She's back that way, about a hundred and fifty yards." Clarke said pointing.

 

Indra helped Clarke to her feet and motioned for Clarke to lead the way. Clarke started off in the direction, giving Indra a side eye. She had her chance to kill her and she didn't. Indra didn't seek the power of Wanheda.

 

Then it hit her, Clarke almost smacked her own forehead in the moment – Lexa had ordered Trikru not to participate in the bounty. Clarke knew as leader of Trikru Lexa held power of what they did. As commander of the coalition she could pass laws for peace between the clans but each clan had their own leaders and practices. Total control over the clans was never an option for Lexa or a goal. She couldn't control the bounty hunters. Clarke tried to escape her thoughts by turning to Indra.

 

"Have you…have you seen anyone else from the Ark?"

 

Indra kept walking but did look at Clarke. "Yes."

 

Clarke rolled her eyes. _That was helpful,_ she thought dryly before sighing and continuing on in silence.

 

 


	10. The Exit

 

When they got back to where Clarke had left Lexa, Clarke let Indra go ahead of her as Clarke slowed her pace. She considered bailing out and disappearing but something inside her kept pushing her forward.

 

Indra rushed forward at the sight of Lexa's weakened condition. Clarke cleared her throat and explained the injuries to Indra. "She'll need help to get out of here." Clarke added after. Indra nodded and began to gather Lexa's gear.

 

Lexa looked to Clarke. She remained quiet, just observing the blonde. Clarke felt her eyes on her but she refused to look her in the eyes. Indra was making her way to the commander and was about to attempt to help her up. Clarke rounded, turning to face them both. She watched as Indra made an attempt to help Lexa up. She hadn't been on her feet in 2 days now.

 

When the motion began a hollowed moan escaped Lexa's lips and Clarke shot forwards towards her before she could stop herself.

 

"Stop. Wait." Her words froze both Lexa and Indra as Lexa slumped back to her position on the ground with a painful grunt. Clarke continued forward, not thinking about what she was doing. "Indra go get us some water." Indra nodded and left into the woods.

 

"Lexa don't move for a second." Clarke moved closer and laid her hand on the girls leg and shoulder. "Just lie still, I need to check something."

 

Clarke slowly moved her hands, she removed the blanket, then Lexa's cloak, her armour wasn't on but her leathers still were. Clarke began unbuckling the chest piece, gingerly lifting it out from under Lexa's body and pushing it to the side. Lexa's chest rose and fell shakily as a ragged breath escaped her. She was in a lot of pain.

 

"Why didn't you say something?" Clarke said agitation filling her voice. "You should have told me you were in pain." She shook her head.

 

"You've done enough Clarke." Lexa breathed out in pain. "You owe me nothing. Just leave me be."

 

"You obviously don't know me very well if you think that's going to happen." Clarke said as she continued her examination.

 

"I know you." Lexa said before she could stop herself. Clarke's eyes found hers before Lexa looked away embarrassed.

 

"You shouldn't have come here." Clarke said quietly, repeating her words from the other day.

 

Lexa simply breathed a painful sigh and said "I had to." Then, "Aaargggh" she let out a howl of pain when Clarke pushed on the left side of her ribs.

 

"I think you have a fractured rib, it may be broken. That's why you're in so much pain." She said not hiding the concern in her voice. Lexa nodded in understanding, the pain too much to let words escape her.

 

"Ill have to wrap you, you won't make it out of here like this. You'd be stuck here for weeks." She said, "You could have died, that could have punctured a lung or something…" she added before she could stop herself.

 

Quickly changing the subject, Clarke adjusted her stance and made her move to adjust Lexa's position so she could better access her torso, "This is going to hurt a bit."

 

Lexa moaned in pain as Clarke's finger gently touched her skin, she winced with every movement she made trying to help Clarke finish her task. Clarke was slowly wrapping fabric around Lexa's torso, pulling it tight to help keep everything tight and in place. She hoped it would help alleviate some of the pain, and ensure Lexa would get out of the woods with significantly less pain than she would have without Clarke's help.

 

As Clarke finished her wrapping she took in the sight of Lexa. Her eyes were closed now with a pain filled expression on her face. "Why did you stay at the fire? You knew the beast was coming and yet you went to the fire like you were looking for something. You had time to leave and you didn't, do you have a death wish?"

 

Lexa's eyes remained closed, "I was looking for you." A small smile now crossed her lips as she looked up at Clarke, "Ironically, I never even thought to look for you in the sky."

 

Clarke smiled despite herself. She knew Lexa was referring to seeing Clarke above her in the safety of her perch as the pauna was coming to end Lexa's life.

 

Indra cleared her throat to make her presence known before coming into the camp. Clarke's smile quickly faded and she cleared her own throat. She wasn't sure how much of that Indra heard.

 

"Commander, you're ready to go now." She said trying to put some professionalism into the situation. Build the carefully constructed walls of corpses back up between them. She turned away from Lexa to look at Indra, "She needs rest, take it slow but get her out of here and into a bed as soon as possible."

 

Clarke rounded back at Lexa. She looked so small below her without her gear on. The sight scared Clarke a little as she felt herself unable to not care about Lexa being in pain.

 

Clarke took a deep breathe and adjusted her posture. "Thank you for letting me know of the bounty Commander."

 

"Clarke," Lexa breathed, she knew what Clarke was doing. She wasn't coming back with them. "Please you don't have to do this."

 

"It's too late. I'm not going back, I'm done. You understand that? I left." _Just like you,_ but Clarke didn't finish her thought out loud. (She didn't have to.)

 

"Clarke," Lexa tried but Clarke held up a hand stopping her.

 

"No. Just stop it. I appreciate you trying to alleviate your guilt by telling me about the bounty, but I'm not going back." Clarke said as she made her way to grab her things.

 

Lexa watched her silently as Clarke finally finished gathering her stuff before she rounded to face Lexa again. She slowly and methodically walked towards her. She knelt a foot from her and place a hand on her shoulder surprisingly tenderly.

 

"You shouldn't have come." She removed her hand and stood again, "Goodbye Commander." 

 

 _May we meet again,_ a voice in her head echoes.

 

With that, she twirled on her heel and left Lexa's sight. Clarke saw Lexa's tear fall before she turned and hid her own. She walked right passed Indra without a word or a glance.

 

She didn't want them to see her weak.

 

 

 

 


	11. The Trading Post

 

"Commander?" Indra said, quietly crossing the distance to Lexa's side.

 

Lexa continued to look at where Clarke had vanished into the woods.

 

"Commander?" Indra tried again, clearing her throat. "What are your orders? She's getting away, we'll lose her tracks if we wait much longer."

 

Lexa didn't know how long she had sat there. All she knew was her skin was still burning from Clarke's touch. The fire burned inside her and a part of her knew it always would.

 

Clarke was incredible. Lexa knew how angry she was, she knew how scared she must be, but she still remained at Lexa's side caring for her until other help arrived. Lexa fought hard against herself trying to fight the thought that Clarke had done it out of some form of love versus just being her usual helpful self. Lexa had never seen Clarke turn away from helping someone before and she was hardpressed to let herself think Clarke did it because she cared for her.

 

Regardless, she couldn't help but feel a tiny glimmer of hope.

 

Lexa swallowed as she realized in that moment exactly what Clarke meant to her. _Clarke meant hope_. Hope for peace, hope for a life, hope for love…a hope for something more than survival.

 

"No Indra. Let her go." Lexa whispered.

 

"Commander? What about the bounty? The sky girl's in danger?" Indra questioned.

 

"Do not question me Indra, remember your place." Lexa responded curtly.

 

No one questioned her decisions...except Clarke but she didn't say that last part out loud. Clarke was in danger herself but her mere existence put Lexa and everything Lexa had created for her people at risk.

 

The logic to not love Clarke was there, she understood it but she couldn't ignore her feelings. They had grown tenfold since the mountain. The distance between her and the blonde only intensified her yearning.

 

"We have to return to Polis. Have you heard from Roan?"

 

"Yes commander," Indra replied, "he sent word of Azgeda's army. They sent multiple scouting parties out. He also believes they have partnered up with other clans in search of Wanheda."

 

"Which ones?" Lexa feared this situation from the moment she heard of the bounty. She was glad she had the foresight to send Roan on his mission back to his home clan. He owed her and she was glad he had come in use.

 

"Broadleaf, The desert clan and Azgeda so far."

 

Lexa balled her hand into a fist. Nodding she looked at Indra. "Help me up. We have to move."

 

Indra helped Lexa to a painful stand. Lexa was so grateful to Clarke's wrap. It helped immensely. Slowly they made there way out of the woods.

 

When they were out in the open Indra brought Lexa to a small gathering of her guard. When she arrived they all cheered and hollered for her. Indra led the commander to her tent and helped her with her gear.

 

"Thank you Indra, tomorrow we head the rest of the way to Polis. That will be all." With one more glance Indra left the tent.

 

Now that she was alone Lexa let it all out. In anger and frustration she swung her remaining uninjured arm and sent candles, papers and maps flying. In the privacy of her tent she wept her silent tears before sleep finally took her.

 

She dreamed of Clarke.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke kept walking. She kept putting one foot in front of the other. Her head was screaming at her to stop, to turn around to go back to Lexa. She didn't. Her body kept its motion forwards, she stumbled here and there but still remained on her mission forward.

 

Clarke wasn't sure when the tears had stopped during her march but she was acutely aware of when they began to flow again. It was whenever she was picturing Lexa, on her back in pain with the Pauna about to crush her. Clarke shuddered as the image filled her eyes again before it was replaced with the second image. The one of Lexa in the dirt, unconscious and injured. Clarke had thought she was dead. Clarke felt a pang in heart.

 

 _She's alive_ , she told herself. _She's alive. I saved her life. Clarke you touched her, you felt her warmth she's not dead_. Clarke continued her mantra as she trudged onwards. She didn't realize where her body was taking her until she stopped at the edge of a clearing.

 

Ahead of her was a small outpost building. The outside was adorned in crafted goods and pelts hung to dry. The trading post. She had been a few times now. This was the one run by a blonde grounder. Clarke froze and took in the surroundings. She waited for a full hour before deciding the coast was clear.

 

She went inside. "Morning." Clarke said, unaware until now that she had walked all night. She slammed a bunch of her pauna meat and pelt on the table. "The usual supplies please."

 

The last time she was there the grounder girl had assisted Clarke with a wound from a panther. Clarke tried to block out the image of the two girls entangled on the grounders bed. She swallowed hard as she caught the girls eye.

 

Niylah smiled a knowing smile and Clarke sheepishly returned it. "So will you be staying?" the girl asked flirtatiously.

 

"No. I'm in a hurry." Clarke stated trying to be impersonal.

 

She didn't want to hurt her feelings, but Clarke didn't want anything from the girl but her supplies. The last meeting had been a mistake. Clarke was out of her mind with guilt and just needed something to take the edge off. She felt horrible for it but it was the truth. It was primal and Clarke needed it but it lacked. She didn't enjoy it as much as she thought.

 

She didn't want to listen to the small voice in the back of her head that added because it wasn't Lexa.

 

Nylah nodded and swallowed what she was going to say. Taking Clarke's cue and reading the mood of the room she silently headed to the backroom.

 

Not long after Nylah left the room the door to the trading post swung open. Clarke instinctively looked up at the sound. She saw a giant of a man enter, he was extremely stocky and Clarke could see the muscles through all the dirt and furs. He carried nothing but a sword. Clarke quickly lowered her gaze and turned to focus on a trinket to her left.

 

She could feel the man's eyes on her but she refused to look. He obviously wasn't here to trade. He was looking for something else. Clarke had a pretty good idea what that was.

 

 _"Nylah you have a customer"_ she called out in Trigadesleng.

 

The man continued to look at Clarke, she refused to meet his gaze. Determined to keep her eyes locked on the trinket. Nylah entered the room and quickly judged the situation.

 

 _"You have something to trade_?" she asked the man curtly.

 

"No." he said continuing to stare at Clarke. Cocking his head he turned to look at Nylah, he placed a piece of parchment on the table.

 

 _"Have you seen this woman?"_ he asked in a gruff voice tapping the paper with the end of his dagger. Clarke heard the metal hit the wood a few times. He was threatening Nylah – _subtly_ \- but still threatening. Clarke slowly moved her hand to her dagger.

 

 _"Not for two days_." Nylah replied glancing quickly at Clarke.

 

The man smiled. " _You sure about that?"_

 

Nylah nodded and swallowed, " _she said she was heading East, towards the sea._ " The man looked at her shrewdly before mentioning his thanks and turning. He paused and looked at Clarke again before heading out the door.

 

Clarke sighed in relief.

 

When the door was shut Nylah quickly motioned for Clarke to follow her to the back room. She was heading to open the back door when it flew open on her knocking her back. Clarke stumbled as Nylah landed beneath her.

 

The man from minutes before was there, he made his move towards Clarke and Nylah surprised them both by ripping out a dagger and stabbing the man in the thigh "RUN!" she shouted at Clarke and Clarke turned to leave the backroom. She heard a sickening crunch as the man kicked Nylah square in the face knocking her unconscious.

 

Clarke didn't look back. She grabbed whatever she could on the way to the front door and bolted through it. Her legs were burning but she kept her pace, running full tilt into the woods. She wasn't sure if the man had followed her but she kept running.

 

When she finally couldn't move another step forward Clarke fell to the ground drained of her strength. She didn't remember falling asleep, but it must have overtaken her quickly. Her regular nightmare filled her eyelids like motion picture she couldn't escape. It started the same as always with her lost in a sea of green.

 

She would find no real rest where her body lay.


	12. The Friend

 

Lexa woke out of her dream. The same one that she always had since the mountain. It always ended with one last glimpse of Clarke. Lexa wiped the salty tear from her cheek. It was habit now to wipe her cheeks in the morning; she always has moist tears there now.

 

Yawning briefly Lexa slowly and painfully rose out of her bed. She didn't even remember falling into it. "Indra" she called out.

 

 _"Heda?"_ Indra answered entering the tent.

 

"Gather my things, we make our way to Polis now." Lexa said shortly.

 

Indra nodded. Within minutes they were ready to depart. The guard followed the two of them, Lexa wincing with every step of her horse. She took each motion like penance for what she had done to Clarke, she took her own pain as Clarke's pain and she wore it proudly.

 

When they arrived in Polis Lexa excused herself to her quarters. The resident healer arriving shortly after to help her with her bandages that Clarke had placed on her. The healers touch lacked what Clarke's had. Lexa smiled weakly as she remembered Clarke's delicate fingers gently wrapping Lexa's torso. She pushed the thought deep inside her and thanked the healer for her work.

 

When she left Lexa was left alone. She looked out her window but didn't venture towards it. Instead she turned and took to her bed. She felt weak, tired and ultimately defeated. She didn't know where to turn. She didn't know what her next move should be. She laid there in silence contemplating her options.

 

After a few hours Lexa called for Indra. Indra entered the room and bowed her head. "Commander."

 

"Indra, I need you to head out again. I need to you find Octavia." Lexa ordered.

 

"Yes Commander," she replied not questioning Lexa's request. With that Indra turned and left the room. Lexa remained in her position when Titus slowly entered not long after Indra left.

 

Lexa nodded to him when he entered. His face was drawn and dark circles were under his eyes. Lexa blinked, she knew she caused those rings around his eyes. He was concerned. She raised a hand "I am fine Titus."

 

Titus nodded as he took in the sight of Lexa and her injuries. "What of Wanheda?" he pressed.

 

Lexa swallowed at the new title. Not sure of how to respond she looked at Titus. He adjusted his jaw and took a moment before continuing, "Azgeda marches Commander."

 

Lexa rolled her eyes. She didn't need Titus telling her that. She knew what was happening. "I know."

 

"What are your orders?" he asked ignoring her tone.

 

Lexa paused. "I have sent for a member of Skaikru, I'll discuss things with her when she arrives. Until then no one moves," Lexa stated. "I need to think. Leave me." She ordered.

 

Titus bit back his response and simply nodded instead. Lexa heard the door close before she could finally allow herself to breathe and think again.

 

Lexa didn't leave her room the entire day. She remained in her bed thinking of the events that led her there. Finally, a knock came at the door. "Commander, Octavia of the sky people has arrived." Titus's voice rang clear through the door.

 

"Enter." Lexa said slowly brining herself out of the bed. She couldn't avoid the pain when she moved.

 

Octavia entered the room. She paused in her movements as she gathered the sight of Lexa. She saw the pain etched on her face. "Commander." Octavia greeted her nodding curtly.

 

"Octavia." Lexa replied mimicking the nod.

 

Octavia took her chance, "Indra wouldn't tell me what this was about."

 

Lexa smiled weakly, "No, I'd expect not," she said before continuing "I have news of Clarke."

 

"Is she okay?" concern filling Octavia's voice as she took a couple steps forward.

 

"Yes, for now." Lexa replied.

 

"What does that mean?" Octavia raised her voice demanding an answer.

 

Lexa smiled slightly as she remembered the same concern in Clarke's voice when she called Lexa out for trying to kill Octavia. She cared for Clarke obviously. This was the right decision.

 

"Clarke is in danger. The ice nation have placed a bounty on her head."

 

Octavia froze, her breath catching in her throat.

 

Lexa continued, "They seek Wanheda." Octavia nodded in understanding. Obviously Lincoln had informed Octavia of Clarke's new title beforehand.

 

"So what do we do?" Octavia asked, shooting straight down to business.

 

Lexa smiled weakly again, Clarke was right about her feelings. Again.

 

"I need you to inform your people of the bounty. You must send out a search party to find her."

 

Octavia nodded again, "Consider it done."

 

Lexa paused, appreciating the fact that Octavia was putting Clarke before her anger of what happened at the mountain. "It is imperative that we find her first. Her life is in grave danger."

 

Octavia gave another nod but could not hide the knowing look she gave the commander as she did so. Lexa tried to ignore it for the sake of Clarke's friend. She knew Octavia meant well.

 

"I'll go right now, we will send word if we hear of anything." Octavia said.

 

Lexa nodded before adding a soft "Thank you."

 

Octavia noted the appreciation in her response and nodded again. Lexa didn't care what she thought or if she knew the real motive behind the request. All she cared for now was that Clarke remained safe, with her head intact. She felt calm in letting Octavia know this information and giving her this task.

 

Octavia left without another word. Leaving Lexa to her thoughts again.

 

 


	13. The Bounty Hunter

 

Clarke woke with a start. She groaned as she removed the dirt and grass form her mouth. Wiping the debris away she dried her cheeks once more from a night of endless nightmares and tears. Clarke rolled over onto her back.

 

As she did so she realized something was wrong.

 

Her feet were bound. Glancing quickly at her feet Clarke made a motion to untie the rope.

 

"I wouldn't," a man's voice startled her.

 

Clarke froze and found the man standing a few feet behind her in front of a small fire. He had shaggy hair and black paint smeared on his face along with copious amounts of dirt. His voice was gruff but purposeful. He made no movement toward her.

 

"The great _Wanheda…"_ he said, observing Clarke with a knowing stare.

 

Clarke swallowed. She glanced at her surroundings. She still had her dagger on her hip and there was a rock close by she could reach if she had a distraction. Clarke looked back to the man.

 

It was the same one from the trading post. Clarke glared at him. "What do you want?" she demanded trying to hide the fear in her voice.

 

The man remained silent as he continued to watch Clarke. She tried to hide the fact that he made her feel uneasy. The adrenaline was starting to pump in her veins, it was coursing through her body with such ferocity that it was beginning to be hard to ignore. The man smiled and said nothing. Instead he turned his back to her and his attention back to his fire.

 

Clarke took a deep slow breathe watching him. She slowly removed the dagger from her hip and began cutting at the rope trying to free her legs all the while keeping her eyes trained on the man.

 

Her last slice of the rope was too forceful, the sound made the man turn to look at Clarke. She took her chance, quickly switching the blade to her finger and taking her shot. She struck him in the abdomen and he fell to his knees.

 

Clarke scrambled to her feet as the man grunting and keeled over. She quickly closed the distance and made a grab for her dagger, as she removed it the man's arm shot out and grabbed Clarke other wrist. In a panic Clarke slashed with her dagger gashing open the man's cheek. In a snarl of pain and anger the man struck Clarke with a fist to the head. She flew back off her feet caught off guard by the force, her dagger flying to the dirt.

 

The man quickly staggered to his feet and rushed Clarke, he had his dagger out and before she could defend her self she felt the hilt of it smash into the side of her face. Clarke fell to her stomach like a dead weight as the blow knocked her unconscious.

 

Sometime later Clarke tried to open her eyes. Her vision was blurry but she blinked a few times before it cleared. She wasn't in her previous location. She was in a field of straw with the cool night air on her face. She groaned as she sat up remembering the fight she had before she lost consciousness. Becoming more alert Clarke took in her surroundings and found the man crouching a few feet away from her with his shirt off.

 

Clarke saw detailed scars on his back before noticing the definition in his muscles and the various cuts and scars from obvious weapon wounds. Then Clarke noticed her own wound she had caused on him. He was cauterizing his belly wound over a small blaze. Clarke shook her head slightly, I fucking missed she thought angry with herself.

 

The man must have heard her stir as he was now looking at Clarke. Watching her intently, perhaps trying to figure out if she was going to make another move against him. Why aren't I dead? The thought popped into Clarke's mind before she took it for what it is. She was still alive.

 

"What do you want?" she asked.

 

He didn't answer.

 

Clarke pressed, "If you wanted to kill me you would have done it already."

 

The man smiled slightly through gritted teeth, "You're right." Clarke could see her other mark that she had made on him. The gash was deep; she had ripped a hole into the side of his cheek. Clarke smirked defiantly.

 

He said nothing else but turned back to the fire. After a while he turned to look at Clarke again.

 

"Don't pull anything and you'll be okay," he said gruffly gesturing to the fire.

 

Clarke took the man in for a few moments before understanding. He was trying to beckon her closer to the fire. It was then that she realized she was shivering. Swallowing her pride she slowly stood up noticing her hands were now bound but her legs were free. He was smart Clarke acknowledged internally; he recognized his mistake by underestimating her and only bounding her feet last time.

 

She made her way to the fire before plopping down. He wasn't going to hurt her…right now anyways. She was too tired to fight if he was she thought to herself. She hugged her knees into her chest and searched the flames.

 

The man put his shirt and armour and furs back on while Clarke stared into the fire. He then sat down a few feet from her and began eating a hunk of meat. The smell wafted towards Clarke and her stomach growled at the smell.

 

He must have heard it because he smirked. He grabbed his canteen and handed it to Clarke. "Drink," he commanded. Clarke turned to look at him defiant as ever, "drink" he repeated. Clarke stared at him as she realized just how dry her mouth was. She reached out and snagged the canteen eagerly bringing it to her lips and drinking deep. She emptied the thing in seconds.

 

"Better?" he smirked as he held his hand out for the canteen. Clarke handed it back to him, angry with herself that she showed such desperation in the moment. "Eat," the man said offering Clarke some meat. Clarke watched him for a few moments. He shrugged and made a move to pull his hand back.

 

"Wait." Clarke said reluctantly and she held out her hand.

 

The man smirked again and handed her the meat. "Hurry up," he said, "we have to move."

 

Clarke ate the meat not responding, she instead began to think. Where were they going? Why did they have to move now? Why were they in a hurry? Who was this bounty hunter taking her to?

 

Clarke chewed slowly before she swallowed the last bite. The man was already on his feet gathering his things and kicking dirt into the fire attempting to put it out. When he was successful he grabbed the rope that was attached to Clarkes hand and gave a tug. "Up. Let's go," he told her.

 

Clarke was forced to her feet by relentless tugging. Onward he went dragging Clarke behind him. Her feet moving as if by ghosts falling into step behind him, trying not to stumble as he quickened his pace.

 

 


	14. The Embarrassment

 

They walked for two days.

 

The man dragged Clarke behind him, only slowing slightly when she would stumble to her knees. She had cuts and bruises covering her legs, she couldn't see them but she felt them with every step. She remained silent but not out of choice. Any time she tried to speak the man refused to answer with anything but a quiet shushing.

 

When Clarke and her captor finally stopped moving they both drank deep from the grounders canteen and filled their bellies. Clarke noticed the man always kept the camps fire small; he kept quiet on their journey and kept close watch on their surroundings.

 

It was obvious to Clarke that this was a seasoned bounty hunter and tracker. He had hunted and killed a deer on their journey already all with Clarke in tow behind him. He was out here alone in the wilderness and wanted to keep it that way. Clarke was just gear, something he was bringing along because it would fill a purpose at some point.

 

Clarke adjusted her position and lied down close to the fire and let her eyelids droop. She fell asleep quickly. She fell right back into the beginning of her nightmare, the fluid green abyss of Lexa's eyes before the night mare continued like always.

 

"Quiet!" a violent shove rocked Clarke awake. The man's voice was rushed and insistent.

 

Clarke shook her head clearing the fog of the dream. "What?" she asked looking up to the man.

 

"You're screaming like a bloody toddler," he said gruffly. His expression was soft though and that surprised Clarke.

 

Clarke looked away embarrassed. All of a sudden realizing she had been screaming out into the night for the past 3 months. She heard the little voice in her head sigh, great.

 

The man cocked his head, "You kept screaming her name."

 

This caught Clarke completely off guard.

 

"Excuse you?" she said copping an attitude, her embarrassment now boiling up inside her. It made her defensive. She already knew who he was referring to. She couldn't meet his eyes but she could see him in the periphery.

 

She saw him smirk as he left her side and returned to his position. Clarke rolled over so she didn't have to look at him. Clarke didn't even need to hear him say Lexa and she was already running wild through Clarkes mind. Literally every memory of the green-eyed girl came flooding back to her.

 

The introduction in the commander's tent, Lexa's hand grazing Clarkes as she took Anya's hair Clarke sucked in a shaky breath. Her mind flashed to Finn's funeral pyre and the moment Lexa and Clarke connected on another level, a totally unexpected level. She thought about the first pauna attack and saving Lexa's life. Her eyes were now welling up as she was now recalling the moment Clarke feared for Lexa's life a second time, saving her and leaving the people in TonDC to die.

 

She remembered the moment in Lexa's tent where Lexa divulged she had feelings for Clarke, their kiss. She remembered Lexa's being so soft, so gentle and Clarke needing to feel her lips again as Lexa pulled away capturing them once again. The tears were flowing now silently. Clarke knew what she felt at that moment. It hit her like a ton of bricks; she had feelings, strong feelings for Lexa. Her heart began to ache as she then recalled the mountain. She felt her heart pang as the image of Lexa leaving, Clarke stuck watching her as she walked away.

 

 _May we meet again, t_ he whisper began again, thunderous and too quiet all at the same time. Clarke was pulled right back into unconsciousness and thrown head first right back into the nightmare.

 

A kick woke her this time. _"Seriously,_ enough." The man's voice came flooding into Clarke's ears.

 

It was morning now. Clarke made no noise as she rose to sit up. She knew he meant she was screaming again. She was thankful he was busy picking up his things to worry about him prying.

 

 

 


	15. The Ambush

 

Clarke and her captor spent another day travelling silence. Clarke was glad for it. The forward march was helping her keep her mind off of everything else. She just concentrated on moving her feet, one foot in front of the other and repeating the cycle.

 

Clarke fell to her knees and a painful grunt left her lips. Her legs were aching, her muscled screaming at her, back burned and she was sweating. "I need to rest," she said.

 

"We can't," the man said quietly looking around. He crouched and made a grab for Clarke's wrists, "get up Clarke, we're being followed."

 

He pulled Clarke to stand. She didn't remember him using her name once before now. She had thought he didn't know her by anything other than _Wanheda._

 

Clarke's curiosity got the best of her as she asked, "How do you know my name?"

 

The man didn't put his eyes on her instead he licked his lips as if thinking of what to say keeping his eyes pierced to their surroundings. "Just be quiet." He told her as he crouched and turned to look at Clarke.

 

Clarke could see the serious look on his face and swallowed her next question, the one that was going to ask if Lexa sent him, "Okay, who's following us?"

 

"There's two of them," he said looking away from Clarke again, "they've been on our trail since I found you."

 

Clarke looked around. Fear was starting to settle in her bones. She trained her eyes on the forest. She tried to slow her breathing that had suddenly begun to quicken. She concentrated on slowing it as she heard the sound of snapping twigs. The man was right, someone was out there.

 

The two of them remained in their positions for a few moments longer. Clarke began to come to her senses. "Give me my dagger back, untie me." She thrust her arms forwards gesturing to her bounds.

 

The man didn't look at her. He didn't respond.

 

"Look, what other choice do you have? If I try to leave I get killed by someone else and if I stay I can at least help you now. You haven't killed me so I am obviously worth more alive than dead. Let me help."

 

The man now looked at her. She had a point and they both knew it. He removed her dagger from his hip and stabbed it into the earth after cutting the rope around Clarke's wrists. Clarke breathed a sigh of relief. At least now she could defend herself.

 

She grabbed her dagger and fixed her stance now ready to launch into defense or offense. She tried not to notice the side glances and smirk the man cast her way. They listened as the snapping twigs stopped.

 

Whoever was out there had stopped moving.

 

A man's voice came through the woods, " _we observe the commander's peace_ " he said in Trigadesleng.

 

Clarke's captor looked at her signaled her to stay and he silently made his way to the left through the trees. Clarke stayed where she was looking for any signs of the strangers in the woods. She said nothing as the man repeated his words.

 

Then she heard a crack of a branch followed by a heavy thud that sounded like bodies falling to the earth. Clarke shot up and began to move forward towards the noise. She didn't even think about it her body just reacted.

 

She stopped as soon as she saw movement. She paused trying to understand what she was seeing. Her captor was back on his feet and holding a knife to another mans neck using his body like a shield. She heard him shouting in their native tongue, he was telling someone to put their sword down.

 

Clarke moved forward slowly trying to remain hidden and quiet. Her heart was pounding and she gripped her dagger tight. She rounded the last tree trunk that had blocked her view of the second stranger and her breath caught in her throat. What?

 

"Octavia?" Clarke asked in shock.

 

The small brunette froze turning her head and finding Clarke. Clarke's captor adjusted his stance revealing the man he was holding to be Lincoln.

 

"Stop! Wait!" Clarke shouted at him. "Please don't kill him. I know them." Her captor looked to Clarke and back to Octavia.

 

"Octavia lower the sword." Clarke said calmly, she was careful not to say the word drop as she didn't fully trust Lincoln's life in her captor's hands.

 

Octavia looked back to the man, her look of shock removing itself and being replaced with her grounder mask. She had black war paint around her eyes and Clarke tried not to think of who it reminded her of. Clarke took a deep breath and began slowly moving towards Lincoln and her abductor.

 

"Please, just let him go. We can work this out." Clarke continued pleading with the man.

 

The man looked at Clarke shrewdly, he loosened his grip and shoved Lincoln towards Octavia. "Thank you," Clarke said breathlessly. She didn't fail to notice all of their guard's were still up. "Look, none of you are going to kill each other over me so just stop it."

 

Octavia looked to Clarke questioningly. She took a few steps forward before Clarke held up her hand and took a few steps back.

 

Octavia froze and said "Clarke? Clarke, you need to come home." Clarke heard the tone of desperation in her voice.

 

Clarke shook her head and looked at her friend, "No, I don't."

 

"Clarke…" Octavia began again but the words failed her.

 

Instead Lincoln tried, "Clarke you don't understand, you're not safe."

 

"None of us are safe Lincoln. We haven't been safe since our feet hit the ground," Clarke interrupted bitterly. "I'd rather be dead than go back."

 

The words came out before she could stop them. She didn't even remember thinking them but she knew what she was saying. She didn't want to go back and see the faces of the people she had saved at the mountain, she didn't want to be safe she didn't deserve that, she didn't want to lead, she didn't want the responsibility of anybody's blood on her hands but her own.

 

She looked away sheepishly, embarrassed for divulging her secret, for professing her secret wish…death.

 

Octavia took a step forward, concern filled her voice and she reach out with her free hand "Clarke, you don't have to do this…"

 

"Stop it." Clarke said flatly, choking back tears. She swallowed and looked to the man she had spent the last few days with. "I'm going with…" she paused she still didn't know this man's name.

 

He looked at her and cleared his throat, "…Roan."

 

The name escaped his lips and a whizzing sound filled Clarke's hears before a burning pain struck her leg. She fell to the ground with a scream.

 

"Clarke!" Octavia screamed.

 

"Get down!" Lincoln shouted to no one in particular.

 

Clarke looked down to the pain in her thigh and saw and arrow sticking out. She gritted her teeth and flew into action, the arrowhead was drilled into her inner thigh flesh and she could see it sticking out with about 4inches of skin before the rest of the arrow. As she made a grab for the arrow shaft she found Roan's hand on it instead.

 

"Breathe," he said hurridly and he snapped the shaft and shoved the rest of the arrow through freeing it from the flesh. Clarke screamed in agony in response. The man was already wrapping her leg tight. "Broadleaf clan," he said looking at the arrow. He adjusted his posture and looked around.

 

He and Lincoln looked at each other as Roan said, "We have to get her out of here."

 

Lincoln paused for a brief moment before nodding and getting up and heading to Octavia. "Get ready," he told her and Octavia nodded. She glanced back at Clarke, her eyes wide but determined she nodded at Clarke "May we meet again," she said before heading into the trees.

 

Just as she moved more arrows were loosed hitting the ground and trees around the four of them. Clarke slowly rose to a crouch; her leg burning but the adrenaline pumping and helping her dull the pain.

 

Clarke heard Roan swear in his native tongue as he dodged an arrow. Then Clarke heard it, the sound of metal and armour accompanied with the heavy footfalls of many grounders rushing towards them.

 

There were too many.

 

She looked at Roan and he looked back, he smiled slightly before he shouted at her "RUN!" and he jumped forward rushing the first grounder to appear. He felled the intruder in one swing before colliding with the second. Lincoln came out of his spot and stabbed at the next while Octavia came crashing out of nowhere and took too out at the knees with the edge of her blade.

 

Clarke watched frozen in horror, there were too many. She had to help, she stood up and groaned in pain as a grounder came flying towards her from the left. She fell to her knees, turned her body and stuck her dagger towards the man. She felt it stab satisfyingly into his throat, she heard his last gurgle of breathe through the blood pooling in his throat and she shoved him off of her. She regained her composure and looked around for the next attack.

 

"Clarke, RUN!" Roan and Octavia both shouted.

 

"Get out of here!" Octavia continued killing another grounder.

 

Clarke looked around, bodies were coming from every direction before her. Run! Run! Move your fucking feet! She heard the voice in her head shouting.

 

Clarke finally listened. She turned on her heel and bolted in the opposite direction. She ignored the pain in her leg. She ignored her desperate attempts at catching her breath; she tried to block out the sounds of the fight behind her. She tried to ignore the fact that she had just left her friends to die.

 

 


	16. The Lost Marbles

 

It had been 3 days since Clarke left Octavia, Roan and Lincoln. She had kept moving for a full day before taking any rest. She had only gone half a day before she started hiding her tracks. She couldn't figure out if it was more so that bounty hunters couldn't find her or if it was so her friends couldn't.

 

She was glad she had picked up these skills from watching Roan. She remembered everything he did on their journey. Clarke briefly thought about how Octavia and Lincoln still found them until she realized that they were as shocked to find two people in the woods as Clarke was to see them. They thought they were tracking one person: they were tracking Clarke. Clarke shook her head; she had been the one leaving the trail. Roan had been covering his tracks not hers.

 

Clarke stopped to fill the new water canteen she had picked up at a small village. This was where she had bloodied her hair with elk blood to turn the rich blonde into a fake deep red. She traded for a second dagger and some dried and salted meat that could last on a journey. She had never travelled in this direction before, she didn't know exactly where she was. She had been so turned around with Roan that this area was all brand new.

 

Clarke ignored the pain in her leg. She had only rewrapped the blood soak bandage once so far. She needed to do it again, the wrap had begun to give off a smell. Clarke found a quiet spot on the out skirts of the village. She pulled up a new garment she had traded for and was glad as it had a hood on it. She put it on and swung the hood up and draped it loosely over her head so it hid some of her face. She slowly rewrapped her leg and tried to ignore the swelling and redness that she saw in the wound.

 

She stood up and braced herself against a tree as the pain of her movement hit her. She had to keep moving, she had to ignore everything in her body including her instincts that were telling her to stop. She marched forward. Moving forward was the only thing that was helping Clarke's mind not race these days.

 

Clarke hated when she had to stop moving. She hated when she had to stop to relieve herself, she hated when she couldn't ignore the sleep that kept closing her eyelids. She couldn't escape her nightmares so she fought sleep as hard she could. This was her battle.

 

Another day had passed and Clarke woke from her nightmare shakey and perspiring. She gulped down some water and had a bite to eat. A few moments later after gathering her gear she threw up what she had ate not long before. Wiping her mouth Clarke shook out the fog in her head and started walking again.

 

Today the walking did not drown out the voices in her head. She felt bitter, tired, weak, angry, sad…alone she admitted to herself. She walked on thinking about how she wished for sleep. A peaceful sleep one without dreams of murder, fear or death. _How did I get here?_ Clarke wondered as she replayed the last 5 months in her head.

 

Everything hit her at once. All the death, blood, fear, feelings and responsibility crashed into her one by one. She felt sadness give way quickly to anger and she unconsciously balled her fists.

 

 _I have to end this,_ the voice in her head said, way more calm than how Clarke felt. _You know how to end this,_ the voice continued.

 

Lexa's face popped into Clarke's head.

 

 _You know who to blame,_ the voice prodded.

 

Clarke glared forward as her pace quickened ignoring the pain in her leg. She knew what to do.

 

_Command Death._

 

 


	17. The Alley

"Heda," Octavia said with a nod. She stood in Lexa's throne room beside Indra in front of Lexa.

 

Lexa looked down at the girl from her seat on her throne. "Leave us" she commanded to the room with a flick of her wrist.

 

When they left Lexa quickly left her chair and stood in front of Octavia. "Well?" Lexa asked with all pretense of the commander dropped.

 

Octavia cleared her throat slightly taken back by the commander's dropped bravado. "We found her 3 days from here…"

 

Lexa nodded imploring her to continue silently.

 

"She was with a man," Octavia said and Lexa stiffened as Octavia continued, "Roan he said his name was." Lexa let out the breath she had been holding in. She let herself relax a bit, she was the one that sent Roan.

 

"And where is she now?" Lexa asked trying to sound impartial and failing.

 

Octavia looked to the floor. "She's gone," she said as she looked up to find Lexa's fallen face, worry etched across her beautiful features. "We had her when the Broadleaf clan attacked. The three of us held them off while Clarke escaped."

 

Lexa breathed in shakily and turned towards her throne. She tried to hide the pain and fear that crept throughout her body at the news.

 

"There's more," Octavia said.

 

Lexa rounded on her, "What is it?" she demanded a little more desperate than she had hoped.

 

Octavia backed up a step at the sudden rush forward, "She was struck by an arrow. She's injured. We tried to follow her after…but we lost her trail about half a day in."

 

Lexa looked away from her. What did that mean? Was she dead? Was she just laying low somewhere? Was she covering her tracks? There were so many possibilities that Lexa was beginning to panic. She tried to collect her thoughts along with herself.

 

She heard Octavia come a little closer, her voice was soft when she said "We'll find her Lexa. Bellamy is on a search party and so is Kane. Everyone is looking for her."

 

"That's the problem," Lexa shouted before pursing her lips and stopping herself. "I'm sorry Octavia, I know you're just trying to help."

 

Octavia nodded and remained quiet. Her eyes were filled with sadness. Lexa tried to ignore her stare. "Why is she doing this?" she found herself asking aloud. She no longer cared what Octavia thought. She was too overwhelmed at the moment to hide her genuine concern for Clarke. If anyone would understand Lexa's feelings it would be Octavia. After all, her and Lincoln had overcome so much already since they found each other. Lexa didn't tell her but their relationship gave her hope.

 

"Will you and Lincoln go back out and look for her?" Lexa asked quietly. It wasn't an order. It was a request. A request from Lexa - not the commander.

 

Octavia looked at Lexa as tears welled in her own eyes, nodding she replied "Of course." She hesitated before Lexa felt one of Ocatvia's small hands land on her shoulder, she felt a small squeeze of comfort and Octavia left the room.

 

Lexa's hand reached to where Octavia's had just been, she smiled weakly and turned to look out the balcony. She took a deep breath. She was satisfied to no longer have as much pain in her side as she did a few days ago. Her ribs were healing fast.

 

Lexa looked around on Polis before turning and heading to the door. She had to get out of the tower. She had to get out of her head. She had to get her mind off Clarke. She had every person she could trust looking for Clarke right now. She had to believe she'd turn up somewhere and safe. She just had to.

 

Lexa made her way out into the city, the people greeted her as she made her way through the crowds. She passed little stands selling food, goods and garments. She spoke to no one but gave small smiles to each person she passed. She heard chants of "Heda" as she walked the streets.

 

She came to the courtyard on the backside of the tower. She slowly walked its perimeter watching the activity in the courtyard. There were her nightbloods participating in combat training. The nightbloods that could potentially be chosen to carry Lexa's spirit when she died. The ones that could become the next commander. Lexa smiled a small sad smile as she made a silent wish let their reign be filled with peace.

 

She made her way around and stood beside Titus. He said nothing but did look to her. He was leaning on a wooden staff and watching her as she took in the view of the nightblood's training. They were paired up in twos taking whacks at trying to disarm the other. They watched for a few minutes before Titus made a motion to hand Lexa the staff. Lexa looked at him and shook her head.

 

"Commander, you still have your duties," he said to her.

 

Lexa shot a threatening look towards him, "I have not forgotten my duties to my people. Nor to my noviciates. You should remember your place Titus."

 

Titus dipped his head slightly, "I only wish to help." In a quieter voice he continued, "You need to get out of your head, let your instincts guide you again Heda. Train with your nightbloods and remember who you are." He thrust the staff in her direction and let go so that Lexa was forced to catch it before it fell. When Lexa looked up he was gone and headed out of the courtyard.

 

Trying to ignore the fact that Titus just made her feel like a small child Lexa tightened her grip on the staff and walked forward. "Aden," she called to a young blonde boy as he shuffled towards her. He stopped and bowed before readying his stance.

 

Lexa mimicked him. Aden struck and Lexa defended easily. He tried again and again to strike her. Lexa and him danced around the space as she parried his strikes. "Good Aden," she practically growled, impressed with the young man.

 

Now Lexa struck, and connected with his shin. The boy stumbled but remained on his feet, he countered and Lexa defended. In one motion she swung the staff again and struck his right hand, he dropped that hands hold on the staff and Lexa pinned it to the ground. When she made this motion she caught a glimpse out of the corner of her eye. She recognized the familiar face instantly, she blinked and the person was still there their eyes glued to Lexa's. A blow came to Lexa's cheek as Aden backhanded her.

 

 _"Enough."_ Lexa said loudly trying to look back to where the person was standing. She couldn't find the face now. Shaking her head she looked quickly at Aden, "well done Nightblood." She handed him her staff and headed towards the crowd.

 

Quickly, Lexa wove through the street. She kept her eyes peeled searching for the face she saw. Looking left and right she kept walking at a rushed pace. She turned around and caught another glimpse of the face.

 

She'd recognize those blue eyes anywhere. "Clarke." She half breathed half whispered. She was sure it was her, she kept her eyes on her as she saw the hooded figure make its way deeper into the crowd. Lexa tried to ignore the voice in her head saying that the woman's hair was red not blonde. The one that told her it wasn't Clarke. She didn't want to believe it. She had to be sure.

 

Lexa walked for another hour bobbing and weaving through the crowd trying to catch up. Finally she saw a break in the crowd and she shot forward. "Clarke?" she said grabbing the person's shoulder and turning them on the spot.

 

"Heda!" the person exclaimed grabbing Lexa's hands and giving slight bows with her head. Lexa shook the woman off and turned around. She didn't understand. She could have sworn she was following Clarke. Was her mind playing tricks on her? Did her eyes betray her?

 

Lexa swallowed the hollow feeling inside her, sadness moving in to replace the excitement that Lexa had felt before trying to find Clarke. She stood there for a few moments before resigning herself to the fact that she wasn't there, that Clarke never had been there, that Lexa was alone.

 

She didn't remember starting to walk again but she found herself walking back through the crowded streets. Up and down the roads back towards the tower. She remained stuck in her head, this time not acknowledging the people saying hello to her.

 

She was closer to the tower when her mind trailed back to Clarke. Before she could think twice about her she felt herself being grabbed and violently pulled back into an alleyway as a knife's edge was brought to her throat.

 

 


	18. The Apology

 

Clarke watched as Lexa made her way through the crowd. She followed her, weaving silently between the merchants and customers. Clarke kept her hood up and her head down. She didn't want to be seen, not yet. She knew Lexa must have seen her already. Clarke only remained by the courtyard another second after she watched the boy strike her in the face. She had dove deep into the crowd and the city before slipping down and around an alley and beginning to follow Lexa instead of being followed.

 

The commander made her way back toward the city centre and the tower. Clarke was running out of time. She had to make her move soon, if she reached the tower it'd be too late.

 

Clarke slipped through the crowd closer to Lexa, she was a few feet behind her when she found an alley to her left. She made her move. Removing the dagger from her hip she rushed forward snagged Lexa brought her knife to her throat and pulled her into the alleyway.

 

They were alone, no one saw her make her move. No one was watching them. Clarke pressed the knife against Lexa's throat before adjusting and flipping the girl around to face her. Clarke shoved her into the wall and put the dagger back in its position at her throat.

 

Lexa made no move against her. She froze and let Clarke threaten her life. She blinked once as she stared wide eyed into Clarke's eyes. Clarke looked away and down the knife then back to Lexa's green eyes. They locked stares and Clarke felt her anger boil again, she felt Lexa's eyes looking deep into her own and she felt her hand begin to shake. Clarke tried to ignore the burning of her eyes that were now filling with unspent tears. Clarke broke their eye contact and looked briefly to Lexa's lips and then back to the knife.

 

"Clarke.." she heard Lexa say. Her voice as small as she felt in Clarke's arms. Hearing her name roll of Lexa's tongue was all the motivation she needed, Clarke's anger boiled again and she pressed the knife harder into Lexa's throat.

 

This time breaking the skin.

 

Lexa's eyes widened slightly but she still made no move against Clarke. Clarke could see tears welling in Lexa's own eyes and Clarke looked back to the knife. She saw a small cut forming and beads of black blood trickling down its blade and Lexa's neck. Clarke's eyes darted back to Lexa's, a single tear escaped her eye and rolled down her left cheek. She wanted to kill her. She wanted to end the sleepless nights the young woman had caused, she wanted revenge for being betrayed at the mountain, she wanted vengeance for Lexa forcing Clarke to be a murderer. Clarke was so certain Lexa needed to die and here she was about to have her revenge. But you can't do it can you? The voice in Clarke's head spoke up and she tightened her grip on the dagger attempting to reaffirm her intentions to herself.

 

"I'm sorry." Lexa whispered. The inflection of the sorry snapped Clarke out of her fury. She loosened her push against Lexa's throat the blade stopped cutting, she was locked in the girls green eyes and Clarke saw tears begin to stroll down Lexa's face.

 

Clarke understood; Lexa was apologizing and it was _layered, deeply layered,_  just like her. The sincerity and truth in her words struck Clarke like a baseball bat. She felt weak, unbalanced, her knees were shaking and she was clutching onto Lexa now to keep herself up. Lexa continued to watch Clarke but made no movement, afraid to upset her again. "I'm so sorry," She amended.

 

With that Clarke felt her strength leave her. Her aching injured leg giving out beneath her Clarke began to fall to the ground. She felt Lexa's arms shoot out and make their way around Clarke catching her before she fell. Her arms were strong but soft and gentle, "It's okay Clarke, I've got you," she heard Lexa say before Clarke lost consciousness.

 

* * *

 

 

When Clarke woke she found herself in familiar surroundings. She recognized the ark. She tried to mentally shake the fog out of her head. That didn't make sense. The last thing she remembered was being in Polis...What was she doing on the ark? Clarke looked around, no one was in the infirmary with her. Clarke relaxed into her pillow again. Good. It should give her time to think.

 

Her mind began to reply everything that happened in Polis. That happened. It wasn't a dream, she was sure of it. She was certain she felt Lexa's body against hers, certain she heard her heartfelt admission of guilt when she apologized. There was no way she dreamt that.

 

The infirmary doors parted and Clarke looked to find Abby striding in. "Honey," she said with a smile, "you're awake."

 

Clarke smiled weakly as she felt her moms hand on her shoulder. She fought against herself to shrug away from the touch. She didn't want her concern. She didm;t want anyone's. The last time she saw her mother she had saved her from certain death in the mountain. Clarke winced involuntarily as the thought crept back into her head. This is why she didn't want to come back here. She didn't want this added burden, these people reminding her of what she had become.

 

Clarke sighed as Abby noticed her wince, "How did I get here?" Clarke tried to change the subject.

 

Abby adjusted her stance at Clarke's lack of warmth towards her. Clarke tried to ignore the pain in her mother's eyes. Abby blinked, "you don't remember?"

 

Clarke shook her head.

 

"You were in and out of consciousness when you arrived Clarke, it's okay hon, it happens with these types of injuries."

 

Clarke remembered her injured leg, she lifted her sheets and looked down, she was in a pair of short and she saw sutures on her wound. Clarke realized she had an IV in as well.

 

"You had an infection, your body was lacking fluids and nutrients and fighting a fever." Abby explained.

 

Clarke nodded in understanding, "yeah but how did I get here? Last thing I remember I was in Polis with..." she trailed off thinking of Lexa. Guilt filled her as she remembered threatening the girls life. Her chest felt heavy again as she remembered Lexa's words, remembered how she just stood there about to let Clarke take her life if she wanted it.

 

"With Lexa." Abby finished her thought. "Clarke, she brought you here, she brought you home."

 

Clarke looked to Abby, she found a curious look on her mothers face. Trying to ignore it Clarke said stupidly, "Oh...did you thank her?"

 

Abby looked at Clarke with a funny expression, "Yes, but you can do it for yourself too."

 

That stopped Clarke. "She's still here?" surprise coming out in her tone.

 

Abby nodded, "She only left the infirmary a few hours ago when I began working on your leg. She hasn't stepped outside the ark since you two arrived."

 

"The two of us? She didn't bring anyone else with her?"

 

Abby shook her head, "Indra and some villagers are outside the gates in the forest but they've been here for a week now. Lexa brought you in on her horse two days ago."

 

Clarke nodded in understanding. Abby watched her for a few moments before reaching out and squeezing her hand. "We are all glad you're okay Clarke. Raven, Octavia and Bellamy have all been by as well." Clarke stayed silent, her mind still on Lexa.

 

Clarke felt confused. She didn't know how she felt. She couldn't find her anger that she had carried like a shield for so long. It made her feel empty and hollow without it. It had been her companion through terrifying nights and Clarke felt exposed without it. Abby watched her for a few minutes before clearing her throat.

 

"I'll be back to check on you later." she said squeezing Clarke's hand and leaving the room.

 

* * *

 

 

Abby headed down the hall and found Lexa pacing back and forth in the corridor. Abby paused before taking any further steps. She watched the girl pace, eyes down and full of sorrow. Her face was drawn and covered with worry. Abby saw a woman in pain. Abby saw a woman in love. She continued forward and cleared her throat to not startle Lexa. It didn't work, Lexa's head whipped up to meet Abby instantly silently questioning the doctor, Abby raised her hand "she's okay, she's awake." Abby watched as Lexa caught her breath and steadied herself. She nodded and fixed her stance. Abby cocked her head, "you can go and see her now."

 

Lexa paused, "No, I don't think she would want that."

 

Abby took a few more steps towards Lexa, she could see the pain inside her, "she doesn't know what she wants right now" she said simply. "Go on, you both need it." She added grabbing Lexa's hand and giving it a motherly squeeze. To her surprise Lexa expressed her thanks with a small embarrassed smile as she walked passed Abby and down the hall towards Clarke.

 


	19. The Panic

Lexa stopped just outside the infirmary doors. She swallowed and tried to calm her breathing.

 

When she left Clarke a few hours ago Lexa was filled with worry. Seeing Clarke unconscious and in such a serious condition left Lexa feeling thin like butter scraped over too much bread. She couldn't shake the image of Clarke with the knife to her throat before the blonde buckled in front of her. The image shook her to her core.

 

She had panicked when Clarke fell; she knew she had. She had been so afraid of losing Clarke. She had the centuries in Polis find her a horse and help load Clarke to the front of the saddle the moment Clarke fell into her arms. Lexa felt responsible for all of Clarke's physical injuries as well as her emotional ones. She felt like a monster.

 

She left word of where she was headed before dashing out of sight on the horse clinging to Clarke keeping her steady.

 

"Hold on Clarke," she had kept whispering unsure if it was more to Clarke or to herself. She rode at lightning speed, pushing the horse to push itself. All that mattered in those moments was getting Clarke the medical attention she obviously needed.

 

She remembered every bit of the journey. She recalled screaming at the gate of Arkadia demanding they open the door. When they wouldn't open for her Lexa had cursed at them, called them fools and demanded they find Abby. Understandably the Arkers were wary of Lexa, the last time they saw her she had left them to die taking her army with her.

 

 _"Commander?"_ Abby said coming into view of the gate. She began hurrying her pace, "what's this about?"

 

LExa shook her head and swallowed the tears attempting to choke out her voice, "it's...it's Clarke! She needs your help!" Lexa said pulling back Clarke's hood. Abby gasped and shot forwards screaming for the gate to opened at once.

 

Lexa bolted the horse in not stopping until she was just outside the Ark's door. People rushed to her side, she kept clinging to Clarke instinctively as hands reached out to pull Clarke off the saddle. She felt a hand land on her right forearm and Lexa turned to find Abby looking up at her. "It's okay, you can let go," Abby said soothingly. Lexa nodded coming back to her senses, trying to push the panic of the events out of her system.

 

She hopped down after she let them take Clarke from her clutches and followed them inside her eyes trained on Clarke's blonde hair. She watched as they removed her coat and boots and lied her in a bed. They began grabbing tools and tubes and machines moving from one side of the room and back to Clarke. Lexa stood in silence as they worked. Her eyes remained fixed on Clarke.

 

She watched as they poked needles and tubes into the girl, listened to them speak without registering what they were saying. She stood there for what seemed like hours, praying Clarke would open her eyes. Lexa needed to see the blue of Clarke's eyes. She continued to watch the people work until it was only Abby and Lexa still in the room.

 

Abby suddenly turned to Lexa, "Thank you for bringing her home."

 

Lexa continued to stare at Clarke lost in her own silent prayers.

 

Abby left Clarke's side and before Lexa knew what was happening Abby was in front of her trying to snap her out of her daze. Lexa shook her head snapping out of it.

 

Abby repeated her words of thanks. She then added, "You saved her life."

 

Lexa looked away. She didn't want Abby's thanks. She didn't deserve it. She had caused Clarke's pain. All of Lexa's actions had led Clarke to run away and put her life in even more danger than it had already been in. Lexa felt like the root of all-evil. She was the devil in Clarke's life that kept pulling her deeper and deeper into hell. Tears began to well up into Lexa's eyes as she simply nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

 

Abby looked at her a few seconds longer before turning her attention back to Clarke. Lexa watched her for a few more minutes and she then took her chance to look more closely at Clarke. She took in the girls body, still and still weak. A clear pouch with clear fluid hung above the bed with its tube going into Clarke's arm. Lexa looked at it curiously.

 

She heard Abby clear her throat and Lexa turned to find Abby gesturing to an arm chair a few feet from Clarke's bed. Abby then left the room without a word. Lexa crossed the room to the other side of Clarke's bed and sat down silently in the chair. She just realized how tired she was, how much of a toll the events had taken on her body both mentally and physically. Lexa sunk a little deeper into the chair but kept her eyes fixed on Clarke. She would not, could not, sleep until Clarke woke up.

 

Lexa stayed in the chair for the rest of the day. She didn't move and wasn't asked to move anytime Abby entered the room to check on her. Her eyes felt heavy, they burned but she didn't sleep. Her body begged her to shut her eyes and rest but she didn't listen. She just kept staring at Clarke replaying every single moment they ever shared together.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_By the next day, Clarke still hadn't woken up. Lexa still hadn't slept. She still hadn't said a word to anyone. She politely shook her head at all of Abby's offerings of food. She stayed silent with her eyes trained on Clarke even when Bellamy, Octavia and Raven popped their heads in to check on Clarke. They said nothing to Lexa and she said nothing to them. She didn't care, she just had to wait for Clarke._

 

_Lexa was all alone in the room with Clarke when she thought she saw her eye flutter under the lid. Lexa pulled her chair closer instinctively and stared at her harder. "Come on Clarke…Come on," she found herself whispering, "come back to me…" the words escaped her before she registered them._

 

_Before she could think about it Clarke whole body had begun to twitch, Lexa stood up horrified and her hands shot out to Clarke body._

 

_"Clarke?!" a panicked squeal came out of her mouth. "ABBY!" Lexa screamed at the top of her lungs. A few horrifying seconds later Abby came flying into the room._

 

_"She's seizing! We must have missed something!" Abby explained beginning to search for a needle, she stabbed it into Clarke's IV, a few seconds later Clarke's body fell still. Lexa gasped._

 

_"It's the medicine I gave her to stop the seizure," Abby explained quickly hearing Lexa's gasp._

 

_Lexa began to think, she had to help. Suddenly she had remembered Octavia telling her she had been struck with an arrow. "Check for a wound, she was hit by an arrow about a week ago," Lexa said out loud._

 

_Abby grabbed a scalpel and tore the sheet off Clarkes body, she began slicing into Clarke's pants slowly exposing her hips, then her thighs and finally releasing her legs from the material. There it was, a blood soaked bandage wrapped tight on her thigh. Seeing the blood on the bandage made Lexa's knees shake, she reached for Clarke's arm and bedside to steady her. The warmth of Clarke's body help calm her a bit as she watched Abby remove the bandage._

 

_Lexa's stomache flipped when she saw the wound, it was red and angry looking, parts of it were green obviously infected. Abby flew into action grabbing another needle and plunging into Clarke's thigh, she then grabbed a fresh scalpel and began digging into Clarke's wound. She was scraping bits of dirt and infection away._

 

_Lexa's stomach did another flip and she put her eyes back on Clarke, she felt her knees go weak again and her head had begun to swim. She had been around many war wounds, she had seen the bloodiest battle fields and no scene affected her as this one. She knew why she felt sick, she felt this way because of who was injured. It was Clarke… she knew she felt the same illness wash over her when she was delivered Costia's head. Lexa stumbled, she turned and sped out of the room. She needed air, she couldn't breathe, she walked down the hall but her feet only took her so far. She couldn't bring herself to go any further away from Clarke. It here that she had begun her pacing._

 

* * *

 

 

Someone cleared their throat and Lexa snapped out of her thoughts. She was still standing in front of the infirmary doors arm still out reached to the knob. Lexa looked to her right and found Raven watching her curiously. Lexa shot her hand back down to her side, blinking a few times. She nodded to Raven turned on her heel and headed a few feet away. She tried to ignore the fact that she could still feel raven watching her. She breathed a small sigh of relief when she heard Raven open the infirmary doors and head in.

 

After a while Raven exited the room and came across Lexa again. Lexa looked up and raven smiled and cocked her head. "She's still awake," Raven said.

 

Lexa nodded and took a deep breath. Raven took a few steps closer to her. She looked at Lexa before saying, "Look, none of us are innocent. We've all done really shitty things to survive down here…" she paused and Lexa let her words sink in, "it doesn't mean we're shitty people," Raven finished with a small smile before she turned and left Lexa alone.

 

Lexa stayed there for sometime absorbing the meaning of Raven's words before finally heading in to the infirmary.

 

 


	20. The First Step

The infirmary door opened and Clarke looked over. She saw Raven entering the room with a big grin on her face, Clarke saw the back of Lexa's head behind her before the door closed.

 

"Hey girl! About time you woke up! I've been waiting since you got here!" Raven said as she sat down beside Clarke.

 

Clarke smiled weakly, "It's good to see you too."

 

Raven reached out and squeezed Clarke's arm. "I'm serious, we've all missed you. We were stupid worried about you Clarke."

 

Clarke nodded and her gaze slowly went back to the door, her thoughts travelling through it and to the girl beyond them. Raven must have caught her glance because what she said next surprised Clarke.

 

"What did you do to her?"

 

Clarke shook her head snapping back to Raven. "What do you mean?" she asked defensive but also concerned.

 

Raven cocked her eyebrow, "Come on Clarke, that girl is not right. That is not the Commander that we knew four months ago."

 

Clarke swallowed unsure of what to say. She simply looked at Raven and shrugged.

 

Raven shrugged. _"Okay Clarke,"_ she said sarcastically with a smile.

 

Clarke returned it, Raven's zest for life and ability to make light of situations was refreshing, "I missed you," Clarke said truthfully.

 

"How could you not?" Raven joked. Clarke smiled but her gaze returned to the door. Seeing this Raven smiled and rose out of her chair. "I'll let you get some more rest, come find me when you're up and about." With that Raven left the room.

 

Clarke nodded and kept watching the door after it was closed. She wondered if Lexa was going to come in next. She waited for a short while before her eyes drooped close again.

 

Clarke went back into her nightmare again. It was different this time. It started the same way it always had with Lexa's green eyes and the whisper of "may we meet again" but it shifted near the end and Clarke found herself right back in the alley way of Polis.

 

_She was pressing the blade into Lexa's throat. She looked on horrified as she began tearing the knife into Lexa's throat slowly and methodically. She watched black blood gush from the wound and begin to trail down Lexa's soft neck. Clarke screamed unable to stop the motion, She watched the light flicker from Lexa's eyes before she slumped to the ground in a motionless heap. Clarke screamed the most heart wrenching sound escaping her as she looked upon the scene. They were both covered in blood, the hot tears streaming down Clarke's cheeks the scream still ringing in her ears._

 

"Clarke!" Lexa's voice filled Clarke's ears. How could she be calling out to her, Lexa was dead. Clarke was looking down on her a puddle of black blood seeping out around the two of them. "Clarke!" she heard it again.

 

Her hand shot out and found a hand on her shoulder, she squeezed the hand as her eyes flickered open and she looked up.

 

"Lexa," Clarke sighed in relief and squeezed the girls hand.

 

Lexa nodded, a tear rolling down her cheek. She was gazing into Clarke's eyes and she wasn't blinking. Clarke stared back as Lexa said "I'm here, you're safe." Clarke felt Lexa's hand tighten and squeeze as if reassuring herself that Clarke was indeed there too.

 

They remained quiet for while, still staring at each other but no words breaking the silence. Clarke spent the time absorbing Lexa's features; breathing in deep the girl's familiar floral smell she found it soothing. She realized she still hadn't removed her hand from Lexa's on her shoulder. Clarke suddenly removed it feeling self conscious.

 

The movement snapped the girls out of it. Lexa pulled back her hand as well. She sat down again on her chair. She looked at Clarke and Clarke looked back. "Thank you…you saved my life," Clarke finally said.

 

Lexa screwed up her eyes her face tightening, "You wouldn't have needed saving if it wasn't for me."

 

Clarke looked at her curiously before remembering Lexa's breathless and loaded "I'm sorry" from back in the alley in Polis. In that instant Clarke knew. She knew Lexa blamed herself. Clarke knew Lexa carried the weight of her people and decisions on her back, what she had not realized was that Lexa was carrying the weight of Clarke's people and Clarke's actions on her back as well. Clarke shook her head, "You didn't shoot me with an arrow."

 

"No. My injuries to you were less obvious…less physical." Lexa said quietly, ashamed of herself.

 

Clarke swallowed, she felt vindicated that Lexa was feeling pain but at the same time, she felt incredibly guilty. Clarke knew she would have done the same thing at the mountain that Lexa did. They had already had this conversation briefly when the pauna attacked the second time. It wasn't fair for Clarke to continue placing the blame on her. Lexa did was she thought was best for her people.

 

Clarke slowly made to sit up. Lexa stood as Clarke stirred and was instantly assisting her. Clarke felt her strong soft hand reach around her and guide her up. When Clarke was sitting up Lexa removed her hands and stepped back again. As she moved Clarke's hand shot out and grabbed for Lexa's.

 

"Wait." She said swallowing the tears that had bubbled up, she looked into Lexa's eyes. "I understand what you did. I understand why you did it." Clarke said pausing letting her words sink in to both of them, "I forgive you, but I'll never forget it." Clarke swallowed continuing to look at Lexa, the girl had not spoken, Clarke took this opportunity to drive her point home, "If you betray me again.." tears came flowing out her eye balls onto her cheeks as she heard herself almost threaten Lexa. She knew how personal her inflection was.

 

Before the words were out of her mouth Lexa said "I won't," with a small shake of her head. Clarke searched her eyes, she was trying to find the lie behind the words. Clarke was relieved when she couldn't find any lie. "I couldn't," Lexa then said in a smaller voice.

 

Clarke nodded sucking back the tears unable to find more words. She was embarrassed to be crying in front of Lexa. Damn her tears.

 

Lexa gave a small smile as she looked warmly at Clarke. She cleared her throat, "I'll go get your mother, she should check your leg." She was about to move when Clarke tightened her grip on her hand.

 

"No. I don't want to see anyone," Clarke said shaking her head, "can we just sit here for a bit?" As she said it she found herself scooting to the right making a space beside her on the bed.

 

Lexa's eyes widened as Clarke had once again surprised her. Lexa nodded and sat down beside Clarke as Clarke leaned back into her pillow.

 

Their hands were still entwined when Clarke gave a gentle tug beckoning Lexa to relax on the pillow as well. Clarke could see the dark circles on her face, she knew the girl hadn't slept in days. She felt Lexa slowly settle in beside her. She could feel Lexa's warm body beside her and she let the warmth fill her up. She felt nervous like a small child, still keeping her hand clasped around Lexa's. Clarke felt her nerves leave her slowly, she felt herself sinking in deeper beside Lexa, she felt her body turning itself trying to get closer to the girl beside her.

 

They lied in silence for a long while before their breathing matched up and their chests rose and fell as one beside each other. They both were asleep before they knew it.

 

 


	21. The Second Step

 

When Clarke woke up she smiled, she had slept. She had really slept for the first time in months. She had a dreamless sleep. A peaceful sleep. Finally, she thought to herself. She didn't move but she let her eyes flutter open. She could feel soft breaths on her forehead, rhythmic and peaceful. She felt soft lips on the left side of her head and she was pleasantly surprised to find herself snuggled into Lexa's chest curled tight into the right side of her body. They were still holding hands and Lexa's free arm had made its way across Clarke's side. They had pulled each other closer in their sleep. Clarke breathed in deep relishing in how she felt at that moment. She let Lexa's floral smell engulf her and her smile widened. She didn't dare think it but she felt happy. She felt safe for the first time since she touched this earth.

 

Clarke remained still trying to absorb where she was, letting everything wash over her as she listened to Lexa's breathing. Then she felt Lexa's hand squeeze her own, Clarke knowing she was now awake squeezed back before she spoke, "You stayed."

 

She felt Lexa adjust her head before she replied, "You asked me to."

 

Clarke looked up at her, "Thank you." She tried to fill that thank you with everything she was feeling at this moment.

 

Lexa smiled, "I was glad you wanted me to stay…" she said slowly. "I didn't want to leave," she admitted.

 

Clarke smiled and squeezed her hand. They were finding common ground again. It made her happy. She let that sink in. Clarke Griffin was feeling happy.

 

She heard Lexa's stomach growl and Clarke giggled unable to stop herself before her own mimicked the sound. She felt Lexa stir and sit up, she gently removed herself from Clarke's side lastly letting go of Clarke's hand as she stood up. She turned and faced Clarke, "you need to eat."

 

"So do you," Clarke shot back, a tad miffed - she was perfectly fine where they had just been before Lexa got up.

 

Lexa smirked, "Well, I'm sure we can solve that. I'll go find your mother." She kept looking at Clarke as she started to walk to the door to leave.

 

"Wait, I'm coming with you," Clarke didn't know why exactly but she was ripping out her IV and untangling herself from her covers. All she knew was that she wanted to go with Lexa and not alone. She already felt more empty the further Lexa had got from her.

 

At her words, Lexa was once again at her side. She held out a pair of slacks and a sweater that Abby had left in the room. Clarke couldn't help but notice both their breathing hitched as Lexa helped guide Clarke's pants up her legs. She tried to ignore how her heart sped up. She could feel Lexa's soft hands against her skin sending shivers through her that ended at a certain spot between her legs. She steadied herself on Lexa's shoulders as Lexa pulled at the fabric raising it up over her thighs, gently over her wound and onto her hips. Lexa smiled shyly removing her hands from Clarke's hips and placing one on her arm and one on Clarke's side. She steadied Clarke as Clarke buttoned her pants. Lexa then helped Clarke with her boots and the two girls headed out of the infirmary.

 

They walked in silence but Clarke couldn't help how close the two remained. She felt like a magnet drawn to the tall brunette. They didn't see anyone as they headed to the dining hall. Most of the Arker's were out and about on their daily routines already. In the hall they found Abby who greeted them, quickly checking Clarke over and telling her to eat slow as she hadn't had solids in a few days. Clarke smiled as Abby sternly smiled and addressed Lexa telling her she wanted to see her later.

 

Lexa nodded and they continued towards the food that was left out from breakfast. They grabbed some fruit and other items before heading to one of the tables and sitting down. "So what was that about?" Clarke asked as they sat down referring to her mom.

 

"You're mother wants to look at injuries," Lexa told her.

 

"She hasn't checked you over yet? What the hell was she doing?" Clarke asked loudly, a bit of anger coming through.

 

Lexa looked at her calmly, "She was helping you. I refused to let her look at me."

 

"I was fine," Clarke rolled her eyes.

 

"No… you weren't," Lexa replied sternly looking at Clarke seriously.

 

They sat there quiet for a bit after that. Clarke felt bad; she had heard the concern in Lexa's stern reply. She didn't like that she had caused that worry and pain. Clarke felt ashamed for trying to downplay the situation now. They kept eating before Clarke finally said, "Well I am now so when we are done here we're heading to see my mom." She kept her voice strong and stern but still laced with concern of her own. She wanted to show Lexa she understood how she felt and that she appreciated it.

 

They headed back to the infirmary slowly still remaining side by side. Clarke led them in as Abby began scolding Clarke for ripping her IV out so carelessly. Clarke nodded sheepishly and began fiddling with the IV bag trying to help her mom clean up the space. As she did so she noticed Lexa unbuckling her leathers. Clarke dropped what she was doing and went to help her.

 

"Here, let me," She said reaching out and catching Lexa's arm. Lexa let Clarke begin to unbuckle her straps and moved with Clarke as Clarke tugged the leathers over her head. Lexa's shirt underneath was thin and clung to her body, Clarke could see a small gap of skin between her pants and her shirt. Right above her hip. Clarke blinked as she noticed she was staring a little to hard at the zone. Shaking her head she looked back to Lexa to find Lexa looking right at her with a curious look on her face. Clarke blushed and turned taking the leathers to the table.

 

"Okay, let me see the damage." Abby said breaking the silence and crossing to Lexa, she had obviously missed the moment between the two girls. Clarke noticed Lexa was blushing slightly as well, her cheeks reflecting the colour of Clarke's. Clarke caught her breath in her throat again as she watched Abby pull Lexa's shirt off her, Clarke was watching the fabric chase up the girls ribs before she swallowed and looked away. She tried to ignore the fact that Lexa's shirt was now surely off with only her under garments remaining, she fought the urge to peak, she kept her hands busy beginning to sterilize the bed she had been in.

 

"You're ribs are almost healed. Just bruising now. It's remarkable, you sure they were fractured?" Abby was asking Lexa.

 

"Our healer… and your daughter," she said softly nodding slightly to Clarke, "said so."

 

Clarke smiled when she heard it but still kept herself from looking.

 

"You'll be stiff for another few days I suspect so I recommend you don't travel back to the city for a couple days. Allow yourself some time to properly heal," Abby continued.

 

When Clarke finally finished what she was doing and turned around Lexa had a clean shirt Abby had given her on. Clarke let out a breath and crossed the distance. She grabbed Lexa's leathers and turned to face her. "Come on, lets go get cleaned up."

 

She turned and started to leave the room, she smiled as she heard Lexa fall into pace behind her.

 

Clarke led them to her quarters. She stepped aside as she invited Lexa in, she gestured to the bathroom where there was a shower with hot water. Clarke turned it on for the girl, pulled out a towel and left Lexa to shower. She grabbed A fresh pair of pants for Lexa along with some of her own under garments hoping Lexa wouldn't mind. She grabbed Lexa's clothes and took them to the laundry area.

 

When she got back to the room Lexa was out of the shower and clothed. Her wet hair down and slung around her shoulder. Seeing her in regular sky people closes was odd. The girl looked good in everything she wore but seeing her look so regular was slightly off-putting to Clarke. She shook her head slightly pushing the thought out of her head, she actually preferred Lexa's commander look. She smiled at Lexa and told her about the laundry. Lexa thanked her as Clarke headed into the bathroom to wash.

 

When she was done and clothed Clarke checked herself out in the mirror. She fiddled with her wet hair and pinched at her cheeks a bit to give them colour. She shook her head, what am I doing? She then began twisting her fingers into her hair. She braided a few strands and stood back. She smiled slightly as she thought she looked a little more grounder-ish.

 

She turned around and headed out of the bathroom. She found Lexa now with braided hair herself sitting on Clarke's bed. She was reading one of Clarke's books. Clarke crossed the room and noticed she wasn't reading a book at all, she was looking at Clarke's notebook. The one Clarke had had on the ark for many years. It was filled with drawings of what she had thought earth looked like. It had drawings of her father and mother in it. It had pictures of animals and her friends in it. It was personal but she didn't mind that Lexa was looking at it. She watched as Lexa's fingers traced along the lines of a birds wing in the book.

 

"You're very good," Lexa said quietly her voice filled with admiration.

 

Clarke blushed, "Thanks."

 

Lexa traced the bird a few more times with her finger while Clarke sat down on her bed. Lexa sighed but the smile on her face remained. She closed the book, slowly putting it back where she found it. She turned to look at Clarke.

 

"So…what now?" she asked.

 

Clarke blinked and looked at her questioningly, "I don't know."

 

"Well, what do you want to do?" Lexa asked.

 

That took Clarke back. What did she want? She spent the last 4 months just running from things. She spent all that time avoiding her feelings, avoiding her people, avoiding what she'd become. Clarke shook her head looking away, ashamed of the last part.

 

Lexa must have seen Clarke's face fall because she was once again up and at Clarke's side. "Come on, how about a walk?"

 

Clarke looked up at her and noticed Lexa was holding out her hand. Clarke realized it for what it was: a gesture to take a step forward with her.

 

Clarke wasn't sure how Lexa knew what she was thinking but she was certain she knew Clarke was thinking about the monster she'd become. Clarke smiled up at her, Lexa knew more than anyone what this world would make you do to survive. Clarke took her hand and let the girl help her up.

 

Side by side they headed out the door towards the Arks exit.

 

 


	22. The Outside

Lexa couldn't believe what was happening at this moment. Here she was in Arkadia of all places, right inside the fence walking alongside Clarke Griffin. In fact, she had spent the entire night previous in bed with her clutching her hand while they slept. When she had woken up she found that she had curled herself into the sky girl with her arm slung around Clarke and her head resting on Clarkes. Lexa was surprised to find that Clarke was already awake and still holding onto her as well. This had made butterflies fly in her stomach and they still hadn't stopped fluttering.

 

As the two of them walked further into the grounds the warm sun hit them both illuminating the two powerful women. Lexa took deep breathes in letting the cool morning air fill her up. She would glance at Clarke now and then to watch the sun dance off her blonde hair. Lexa watched as the breeze would pull it back from her neck and ever so gently place it back when it waned.

 

She found herself smiling for the first time in ages. She couldn't remember the last time she really smiled, really had a reason to smile. She glanced at Clarke again thinking. She tried not to overanalyze the situation but her brain just wouldn't let her take it for what it was: a peaceful moment. She began to wonder silly things like what they were doing, what Clarke was feeling about Lexa, if Clarke also had goose bumps when they touched, if she too had butterflies in her stomach. Lexa shook her head. Foolish girl, she thought to herself. Clarke had hated Lexa, so much so that she put a knife to her throat. Lexa reached up and placed her hand on the cut she left. There is no way she loves you…the voice in her head said before it added not yet.

 

A small smile crept across to Lexa's lips while she played with the scab on her neck. There it was again, all because of Clarke: _hope._

 

"Hey," Lexa looked over to find Clarke looking at her questioningly, "you okay?"

 

Lexa lowered her hand and nodded once, "Yes, Clarke I am fine. Just thinking."

 

Clarke kept looking at her before she nodded and turned her face forward again. Lexa's lips twitched at the corners again, Clarke didn't press her, she didn't ask what she was thinking about, she understood Lexa more than Lexa understood herself it seemed at times. Lexa continued to walk with Clarke and sneak her little glances in. She was pleasantly surprised to find that every now and then she'd catch Clarke glancing in her direction as well.

 

They came to the right side of the camp where they found Raven working at a table with the machine components in front of her. "Hey! There you are! It's good to see your lazy ass out of bed," Raven greeted Clarke.

 

Clarke laughed and rolled her eyes. She sat down in front of Raven and Lexa remained standing unsure of what to do. Raven looked to Lexa, "Commander," she said with a wave of her hand gesturing to the chair beside Clarke. Lexa nodded and sat down.

 

"So what's new?" Raven said turning to Clarke again.

 

Clarke made a funny face, "Uh, nothing much…been unconscious for a bit, you know, the usual." She said casually smiling.

 

Raven laughed, "Girl, I hear that!" she agreed heartedly.

 

Lexa smiled. Not because she understood this little inside joke, but because Clarke was smiling. Clarke was LAUGHING. It was truly wonderful to see. Lexa never wanted to forget the sound. She wanted to remember every note it and replay it in her head over and over again until her spirit left her.

 

Clarke looked her way and flashed a brilliant smile. It took Lexa's breath away and she returned it.

 

As Raven began to ramble on about the goings on around the camp Lexa continued to observe Clarke. As much as Clarke had run away from her position as a leader of her people here she was asking all the right questions, getting all the right info she would need when she did in fact, have to retake her role as a leader. Lexa knew it would happen. _Clarke was born for this, same as me._

 

This world always forced people to be who they were whether it was a monster, a leader, a healer, a killer or a coward. They would all show their true colours eventually. It was just a matter of time.

 

As Lexa was lost in her thoughts a man came up to the table surrounded by his buddies and slammed a tankard down onto the table as he sat beside Raven.

 

"Oh look who's up and walking around!? Guess what? It's not my girlfriend! 'Cause she's dead, you killed her Clarke." he shouted angrily and spat while he did so. He was obviously drunk.

 

Lexa's hand flew to the dagger strapped to her thigh over the pants Clarke had given her. Clarke's hand shot out under the table and landed on Lexa's left thigh, this made Lexa freeze she looked away from the man and into Clarke's warning stare. Clarke shook her head slightly and Lexa relaxed, but only slightly. If he threatened Clarke in any way she was going to react.

 

Clarke kept her hand where it was as if she knew what Lexa was thinking. She cleared her throat awakwardly but before she could say anything Raven stood up, "Easy Jasper," she said laying a hand on his shoulder. "I think you've had enough, little early isn't it?" she asked making a reach for the tankard.

 

Jasper jerked away and stood up, he swayed as he did so. "No? Not if you're still drunk from last night."

 

Raven put her hand on his shoulder again, "come on buddy, let's go." She gestured to Monty who had been watching the scene unfold. He nodded and came to help her guide stumbling Jasper away from Clarke. Lexa turned to Clarke as she watched Clarke watch them walk away. Her smile was gone, her face had fallen and the colour had drained from her cheeks. Lexa instinctively reached down and found Clarke's hand and gave it a squeeze.

 

"He's right," she whispered, "she helped us in the mountain and I killed her… I killed them all." Lexa could see the tears welling in her eyes and she heard the sorrow in her voice. Lexa knew the sound well: it was the same she'd been expressing in her own voice since that night.

 

"You did what you had to," Lexa said quietly. "It's not easy to betray the people that helped you…the people you care about…" Lexa paused letting Clarke know she too shared Clarke's burden and pain, "but those are the hard choices you must deal with as a leader. You must make the hard choices…for the good of our people."

 

Clarke looked at Lexa at the phrase our people. She saw Clarke understand her words and interpret their meaning; she watched as they sunk in and washed over her. They were the same. They had both been put in positions of power, by purpose or accident, for better or worse, there they were. Clarke nodded slowly, "Does it ever get any easier?"

 

Lexa took a deep breath before starting her next sentence, "No, but our actions do not define us Clarke. You are not Wanheda. You're Clarke Griffin, leader of Skaikru. You are a myth and a legend: the girl that fell from the sky and saved her people. Not once, but several times. You did what you had to do each time even when all of the options were terrible. You did what you had to do at the mountain to save them," Lexa gestured with a wave towards Clarke's people. "They are here because of you. I cannot let you forget that. They live because of you."

 

Clarke stayed silent for a bit taking in what Lexa had said. "Victory stands on the back of sacrifice," Clarke said slowly turning slightly to look at Lexa.

 

Lexa nodded and gave her a small smile, "Are you mocking me?"

 

Clarke smiled and cocked her eyebrow, "with my strong mind?" She asked reminding Lexa of her own statement to Clarke during their first run in with the Pauna "mockery's not the product of a strong mind Clarke."

 

Lexa smiled, there she is. She was happy to see Clarke coming back to life again. She was deathly afraid that Jasper's outburst was going to send Clarke reeling again.

 

Clarke took a breath and stood up, "Come on, let's get out of here I need some air."

 

Lexa stood up, "We are outside Clarke."

 

Clarke smiled and flashed her a playful warning glare, "No, I need outside these walls."

 

"Your mother said-" Lexa started before Clarke raised her eyebrows and cut her off.

 

"My mother will get over it."

 

Lexa nodded and followed Clarke out towards the gate. The men opened it and the girls walked out towards the tree line.

 

 

 

 


	23. The Storm

Clarke and Lexa kept their pace slow as they walked out of Arkadia. They were headed down the path before they veered off it and headed towards the tree line.

 

It was a little cooler in the shade of the trees but Clarke didn't mind it. She felt better the moment she stepped out of the gate at Arkadia, she hadn't realized just how heavy Jasper's words were sitting on her chest.

 

Physically, her leg hurt a tiny bit with every step but she kept moving accepting the pain as she went. She glanced over at Lexa as they bobbed and weaved through the trees.

 

She caught Lexa's eyes every now and then and watched as the brunette would try to hide a small smile each time, failing miserably.

 

Lexa had no war paint on, but her commander's headpiece was in place on her forehead. Her brown hair was flowing down her shoulders and back. Clarke noticed how it bounced slightly with each step the woman took, she relished in the moments where the patches of light coming through between the trees would illuminate the fine features of Lexa's face.

 

Lexa remained quiet for a while during their walk into the woods. Clarke wanted to break the silence but she wasn't sure how.

 

Before she could try Lexa spoke, "Indra and the army shouldn't be much farther. We should run into the scouts soon."

 

Clarke nodded, "Okay."

 

"They should have news on the Ice Nation by now, they can catch us both up," Lexa continued.

 

Clarke flashed a look Lexa's way and caught the girl looking at her too. Clarke swallowed, Lexa hadn't even had the information given to her yet by her people and here she was inviting Clarke to take part in the discussion. She was being included in the grounder's affairs without demanding it, without having to fight for it like she did with the Arkadian's and her mother.

 

Lexa was treating Clarke like an equal… Like always, the voice in her head amended. Clarke felt the corner of her lip tug a bit, cracking the tiniest smile.

 

Clarke swallowed her smile realizing the weight of the situation, if she was being treated like an equal – she better act like it, "So the Ice Queen has sent an army out?"

 

Lexa had turned her attention back to the direction in front her, "Yes. I knew she had placed the bounty on Wanheda and a few clans had taken up the search in their hopes for riches and power. I heard next of her army marching towards Polis. Since then, I've had no news."

 

Clarke stopped walking and turned to face Lexa. She felt guilty. "Wait, this is because of me?"

 

Lexa stopped and turned to Clarke, She bowed her head before looking up again at Clarke, "You didn't cause Nia's decision to march against me."

 

Clarke shook her head, "No, that's not what I meant. I mean you have no news because of me. You're people are in danger because of me!" She couldn't help but raise her voice in her worry and guilt.

 

Lexa took a step closer, "My people are safe, Clarke."

 

"They're not," Clarke tried to cut her off as Lexa took another step closer now close enough that Clarke could feel the heat radiating from her.

 

"They are. You were not, you needed me-my help." She corrected herself quickly before taking a small step back and looking away, "I knew of Nia's march long before you arrived in Polis Clarke. I chose to leave and bring you home. None of this is your fault." Lexa emphasized the word none when she said this looking at Clarke again.

 

Clarke took a step closer to Lexa. She reached out her hand before dropping it. Lexa continued speaking before Clarke could say anything. Lexa watched the motion before turning away again and starting to move forward once more, "All that matters is that you're okay." Lexa voice was softer than a whisper, as if she was saying it to herself.

 

Clarke felt uncomfortable like she wasn't supposed to hear it. She felt like she was peeping in on a personal moment. Lexa had already begun to head forward again.

 

Clarke swallowed her words and followed. She was thinking about the pain and sorrow behind Lexa's eyes, she couldn't shake the feeling that Lexa was replaying the alley incident in her mind, re-watching Clarke fall to the ground.

 

Clarke knew Lexa cared for her, but she was just starting to really believe it. Her mind raced back to the pauna, Clarke remembered how sad and defeated she had felt the moment she thought Lexa's life was over. The thought made a shiver run down her spine as if death was breathing down her neck.

 

Clarke tried to ignore it and sped up, matching pace with Lexa again.

 

"Heda!" The warrior scouts greeted Lexa as they realized who was coming through the trees. Lexa bowed her head slightly to each one. Clarke noticed the care the girl took to acknowledge each warrior "we must look into the eyes of our warriors and say 'go die for me'"Lexa's words rang in the back of Clarke's head.

 

Lexa was incredible. She felt each loss, she lived by her words, she was kind, wise and courageous. Clarke continued to watch in admiration before she realized the shouts had now become whispers in Trigadesleng.

 

She heard whispers of her new grounder title Wanheda. She heard rumblings like 'mountain slayer' and 'the legend returns'. Clarke tried to ignore them but the warriors were staring, some bowed their head, others actually dropped to a knee as the two girls passed.

 

Lexa slowed her pace allowing Clarke to match her stride again. Clarke hadn't even noticed she had fallen behind a few paces in her shock of the warrior's admiration. She was grateful Lexa was now beside her again because the knowing look the girl was giving her was helping Clarke move forward and block out the reminders of the mountain.

 

They rounded into the camp to the sound of cheers and hollering. Lexa led Clarke to a tent and stepped aside to let her enter before her. Clarke nodded politely as she passed into the tent. Inside she found Indra along with a few other warriors Clarke did not know.

 

Lexa followed her in and made her way over to greet her people. "What news?" she asked.

 

"Ice Nation have halted their march. Their army has split into two, one headed East, one headed this way," Indra began.

 

Another man stepped forward, "Why would they split their forces?"

 

"They have the largest army of the 12 clans, they can afford to." Lexa said knowingly. "The East means they are going to Polis."

 

"And the other army?" Clarke piped up. "The one headed here, what do they want with Arkadia?"

 

Lexa looked at her, no commander's mask was on her face, Clarke could see the fear in her eyes before the commander mask was again replaced before to looked back to her people.

 

"It could be a number of reasons. They could see you as a threat due to your weapons, they could be coming to make an alliance, they could be coming for war prisoners…" Lexa paused as she explained.

 

Indra spoke up, "We must call a meeting with the clan embassadors."

 

Lexa nodded in agreement before turning to one of the warriors by the tents entrance. "Go send riders to the clans, I call upon the representatives to honour the coalition and present themselves before me."

 

With that the man left the tent in a hurry.

 

"Commander, there's more," Indra then said.

 

Clarke heard the sigh come from Lexa almost as though she expected there to more bad news.

 

"What is it?" she asked her voice calm.

 

"Our scouts have also reported troops to the South…they wear the mark of Ice Nation." Indra continued.

 

Lexa turned to face her, "Nia." She said menacingly. Indra nodded.

 

"They could be marching to Polis, they could be coming here or they could be marching to meet up with the other army. A third attack from a different direction: Ice Nation is surrounding us."

 

Lexa took a deep breath, "Send word to Titus, we head to Polis tomorrow. Tell your attendants. We leave the three hundred warriors behind as a peacekeeping force."

 

With that the warriors left the tent leaving only Clarke and Lexa.

 

Clarke cleared her throat unsure of what to do. The weight of everything was landing on her at once. Here they were again on the brink of another battle. Her people were once again in danger.

 

Enemies encircled her once again. She felt her head begin to swim in the panic. She feared for their lives, the ice nation would wipe them out. Everything Clarke had done up to this point would be for nothing, the deaths she caused hadn't stopped anything they hadn't afforded Clarke and her people victory or peace. All she did was buy them time.

 

Clarke felt weak, her knees had begun to shake slightly and she felt herself begin to stumble slightly as she tried to regain her composure. She had had a day of peace…it didn't even last the day. Clarke felt her eyes flutter close as the feeling of faint began to take her. Before she lost concisouness however she snapped out of it at Lexa's soft voice.

 

"War is brewing Clarke, I need you." It was little more than a whisper but Clarke heard it. She crossed the tent and stood in front of Lexa. She saw tear bubbling up into her eyes. In this moment Clarke knew it wasn't Clarke's people she was talking about, it wasn't the need for another strong leader and force this was about Clarke.

 

Lexa was openly admitting her need for Clarke in her life, her desire for Clarke to be at her side. Clarke blinked realizing the magnitude of the moment. It was then that Clarke caught her breath in her throat, her heart beating faster she reach down to grab Lexa's hands. She squeezed as she lifted them slightly looking deep into Lexa's green eyes.

 

"I need you too." The words fell off her lips easily. When she heard them for herself she knew them to be true.

 

Before Clarke realized what she was doing she was leaning in and planting the softest most sincere kiss on Lexa's lips. It was slow, delicate and full of sadness. It was incredibly reminiscent of their last kiss, the last time they were on the brink of war. The difference this time was that Clarke had initiated it, letting Lexa know that she too cared deeply.

 

She gently brought a hand to Lexa's soft cheek and as her fingers grazed against her Clarke's skin burned at the touch. She could feel the passion begin to stir deep in her belly begging to spread itself out into the rest of her body. She pulled back slightly to break the kiss, she didn't want to push Lexa or herself. She could already feel the need to replace her lips on the girls before she felt Lexa's hand reach to her hip keep her where she was. Lexa leaned back in and caught Clarke's lips in her own. It was just as soft as the first one, just as subtle but just as deep and meaningful as well. They stayed like this, exchanging small sweet kisses before finally resting their foreheads against together.

 

When Clarke came back to her senses a bit she opened her eyes to find Lexa staring back at her. The two of them smiled and pulled their heads apart, their hands falling off the other's body.

 

Clarke felt the blood rush to her cheeks, she saw Lexa try to hide her small shy smile and colour flush to her own cheeks.

 

Lexa cleared her throat before turning to face Clarke, "we will figure this out Clarke. I promise," she said quietly.

 

 


	24. The Beginning

When night was beginning to fall Lexa had food brought to the tent and the girls filled their bellies. Lexa allowed herself to relax as she watched Clarke eat and drink. She couldn't believe that a few hours ago she had kissed those tender lips. She had tasted Clarke and she couldn't help thinking that she wanted to do it again. She missed her lips on Clarke's. She watched as Clarke wiped a bit of ale from her lips. Lexa couldn't help but find the movement sensual.

Clarke caught her stare and smiled cocking her left eyebrow. Lexa smiled and looked back to her plate slightly embarrassed for staring. They remained silent before a guard popped his head in, "Heda she's here."

Lexa nodded to the man motioning with her hand. Octavia walked in and greeted Clarke and Lexa. Lexa watched fondly as Octavia looked Clarke over really quick looking for obvious injuries. She smiled as Clarke did the same to Octavia. She was a good friend. Octavia cared, and she deserved to have Clarke care back. Lexa understood their relationship now and it made her appreciate Octavia even more. The last time the two had seen each other (conscious) Clarke was sent fleeing for her life while Octavia, Lincoln and Roan attempted to slow the warriors chasing her.

Once Octavia was satisfied with Clarke's condition she turned from Clarke to Lexa making sure they were both looking at her, "We have a problem. I couldn't find you."

Clarke stood up hearing the worry in Octavia's voice, "What is it?" Lexa watched as Clarke moved a little closer her side. She noticed she instantly felt braver, physically stronger even, with Clarke beside her.

"It's Bellamy…" Octavia started looking Clarke in the eye. "He, he and Pike they've come back to Arkadia."

Clarke looked at her strangely. The name Pike meant nothing to Lexa but it was obvious Clarke knew the name. As if hearing Lexa's silent pondering, Clarke turned to her to explain, "he was a teacher of ours on the Ark."

Lexa felt herself relax. A teacher? If Pike was a man who possessed knowledge what was the problem. If he was truly a teacher of young minds then surely he must have the wisdom of a leader. Clarke shook her head and turned back to Octavia.

"It was four hours ago. They've started a mutiny," Octavia said exasperated, "they want your mom to step down from chancellor so Pike can lead."

"But the council? That's not how it works?" Clarke said loudly demanding an explanation.

"Clarke, you haven't been here. Things are different now. Your mom and Kane have been passing that chancellor pin back and forth for the last 3 months. There is no council. The two of them are going to get people killed." Octavia said in a hurtful tone.

That caught Clarke off guard. Lexa watched as she adjusted her stance slightly. Clarke took a few moments to gather herself before speaking, "I need to talk to them."

Octavia rolled her eyes, "Talk to WHO Clarke?! What are you going to say? You haven't been around - you're not in charge there anymore."

Clarke shook her head as equally frustrated, "I don't care. I have to try."

"Clarke!" Octavia said crossing the tent and stopping a foot away from them, "They SHOT the TriKru members that were in the tree line on the back side of the gate. I saw the bodies when I slipped out." A tear had fallen onto the girls cheek, "They had only been in the camp an hour before the majority of our people were chanting for Pike. They had already begun rounding up people that were speaking out against Pike when I left. Anyone speaking up for your mom or Kane is being taken into custody for treason!"

Lexa remained silent. She knew there was no way to stop Clarke once her mind was set on something. It was like looking in a mirror. Clarke reminded Lexa so much of herself in moments of peril it scared her.

"Clarke, you can't go," Lexa said quietly.

Clarke rounded to look at her, desperation filled her eyes, "I have to."

She was pleading with Lexa to understand. Lexa shook her head. "Clarke, you are Abby's daughter, the moment you step in the gate they'll put shackles on you."

"I don't care. I can't just sit here while we have multiple armys marching on us from every direction, they'll be massacred in the midst of all this bullshit. My friends are in there!"

Lexa saw the pain in Clarke's eyes, and she couldn't resist quietly professing, "Clarke, I can't lose you."

"If I can get out, I can get her in." Octavia's voice filled the tent. Lexa had forgotten all about Octavia until she spoke. Lexa flashed a warning glare at the girl. She tried to soften it when Octavia nodded and said again, "I can get her in…I can get her out too." Lexa looked at Octavia closely before deciding to put her faith in her. Octavia meant well, she was trying to help Clarke once again; at the same time she was trying to assuage Lexa of her worry just as she had when they spoke in Polis last time. Lexa nodded but said nothing.

Octavia looked back to Clarke, "I'll wait outside, we should go soon they'll be switching the guard in about an hour, if we time it right we can slip in during the change." She flashed a look to Lexa then back at Clarke before saying, "I'll wait outside." With that she had left the tent.

Clarke turned to face Lexa, as she did she reach out for Lexa's hand. "I have to do this," she said.

"I know." Lexa replied with the smallest saddest smile. Clarke's face softened even more as she stared into Lexa's eyes.

Clarke reached up and put her hand on Lexa's bicep, her touch was soft but purposeful. Lexa felt Clarkes thumb begin to rub small circles where it lay trying to comfort her. "I'll be three hours, if I'm not back in three…"

Lexa cut her off, "I'm coming to get you." She said it with every ounce of strength in her body, her serious tone making Clarke take a deep breath as the blonde gave a reluctant smile.

"And if I told you not to?" Clarke asked cocking her head.

Lexa rolled her eyes. She could not be serious right now. Lexa had literally just gotten her out of harms way and placed her safely at her side and here was Clarke was pushing herself head first into danger again. "I would come anyways, if only to make sure you were safe. If you didn't want to come back with me I wouldn't force you."

Clarke smiled and nodded, "Three hours." Then she kissed Lexa's cheek immediately sending her skin boiling at the touch, "I'll be back in three hours." She gave a final squeeze of her hand and left the tent. Lexa watched her go and tried to fight the intense urge to follow her.

"Be safe," She whispered as the last glimpse of Clarke's blonde hair disappeared from sight.


	25. The Moron

Clarke silently followed Octavia through the trees, after about an hour of walking they came across Lincoln hiding in the shadows of the spot light from Arkadia. He greeted them silently before ushering them forward.

 

"The guard is changing now, you need to hurry."

 

The two girls shot forward into the night keeping to the shadows. The slipped in through a patch in the fence that the Ark connected to sloppily. Clarke smiled as she realized this was Raven and Octavia's doing, this gap was a little too convenient, a little too perfect.

 

They got in without incident. Octavia led Clarke into a vent and then through the crawlspaces she had grown up in since she was baby. Turning left and right Octavia popped the grate off and hopped into the room. Clarke followed and found herself in the medical bay.

 

"Mom?" Clarke said as found her on a bed. She rushed to her side looking her over. Clarke noticed she had marks from the electric baton that the guard's used as well as some cuts and bruises. Clarke flinched as she saw how swollen her right eye was.

 

"Clarke? What are you doing here?" Abby hissed.

 

"I had to find out what was going on," Clarke said stiffening.

 

"You can't be here, it isn't safe," Abby pleaded.

 

"I had to come anyways. Pike killed the grounders outside the fence, what is he thinking?"

 

"Farm station landed in Ice Nation. Apparently it was a rocky landing with an even bigger fall out than you kids had when you landed," Kane appeared beside the bed filling Clarke in. He's pushing for our people to set up a second camp in the mountain."

 

Clarke looked at him, "You mean the place that thousands of grounders were drained of their blood in?"

 

He nodded, "I know, if he goes through with this we will be in another war. The grounder's will never accept it."

 

Clarke shook her head. They really had no idea. "It's too late Kane. We're already in one. Ice Nation is moving against Lexa, they've split their army and joined with some other clans. You'll be surrounded before you know what's happening."

 

Kane and Abby shared a look before turning their attention back to Clarke. She let her words hang in the silence a bit longer before continuing. "I don't have much time, look I need to speak to Raven then I need to find Bellamy."

 

"Clarke, he's with Pike now. He's changed." Abby told her.

 

Clarke tried to ignore the sinking feeling that was pressing on her chest.  _Changed,_  she thought. They had all  _changed_  since they landed. Not a single one of them were the same person as when their feet hit the ground. This world was violent, cruel and unrelenting Clarke had learned that the hard way time and time again.

 

She still had her moral compass though. She still had a driving force keeping her from losing herself to this world completely. Deep down she believed Bellamy to be good, she knew him to be strong – he had to be able to see error in his ways.

 

She couldn't believe that he took part in the killing of the grounders outside the walls. Even if he had, she could make him see reason,  _couldn't she?_  

 

 _But you left him…_  the small voice in her head spoke up.  _You sent that boy into the heart of the beast that was the mountain ALONE. You let him help you murder hundreds of mountain men and then you left them all to pick up the pieces._

 

Clarke swallowed and took a deep breath to steady herself. She tried to ignore the voice that was telling her she was wrong. The voice that was nagging in her ear saying too much had happened, too much time had passed since the mountain and too many unspoken apologies and explanations went unheard.

 

"Fine," she said finally turning to Octavia, "take me to Raven." Clarke turned back to her mom, "I'll find a way to stay in contact, give word to Raven and Octavia on anything developing, they'll find a way to pass along the message. We – Lexa and I are heading to Polis, she's gathering the ambassadors of the coalition," she explained, "it was to raise an army to hold back the Ice Nation but now with Pike and slaughtering those members of TriKru…if Arkadia is going against the grounders…I don't know that I can stop what will happen. Lexa and her army will wipe us out. I'll do what I can, but you need to figure out a way to make them see reason!"

 

Clarke stood up straight up, unloading what she had just told Kane and her mother made her feel lighter. She didn't carry the severity of the situation on her own, "Let's go," she said turning to Octavia and following her into another piece of vent. They silently crouched through the walls of the Ark before Octavia held up a hand signalling Clarke to stop.

 

Clarke could hear muffled voices. She listened harder, she heard Raven speaking to someone. She sounded angry. She heard a man's voice. Pike. Then she heard another – it was Bellamy. Clarke heard a door open and shut followed by the slam of a tool on metal. Raven was pissed, Clarke could tell. Octavia popped off the vent and jumped out. Bellamy swung around and caught Clarke's eye.

 

"Where have you been?" he said urgently, concern filling his voice as he rushed to stand a few feet from her.

 

Clarke looked at him sternly, "I was with Lexa at the TriKru camp."

 

Bellamy made a disgusted face, "You mean that grounder that left us all to die in the mountain?" He turned to Octavia, "and you knew about this?"

 

Clarke licked her lips, he was justified in his anger, she knew. He also wasn't nearly as mad as Clarke had been considering Lexa had betrayed her on a personal level as well as professional.

 

"Bellamy, Lexa saved Clarke's life. Without her we would have been the last to know of the bounty on Clarke's head. She also rode through the day and night to get Clarke to Abby for medical attention. If she hadn't of gotten her here Clarke would be dead, you know that," Octavia jumped on his words before Clarke could respond.

 

"So what? That makes it all better? That redeems her?" he spat angrily.

 

Clarke was annoyed now, she and Lexa had squashed this already and here he was stirring it all up again. Clarke fought the urge to defend Lexa and failed, "She did what she had to at the mountain. We all did." She looked at Bellamy seriously, "she didn't force me to go back into the mountain, she didn't force me to tell Monty to figure out how to kill them all, she didn't make me shoot Dante, she didn't force me to pull that level and she sure as hell didn't force you to help me!"

 

Clarke's outburst caught Bellamy off guard, before he could respond she continued, "she also didn't force you to murder those grounders outside." She glared at Bellamy.

 

"Those grounders outside shouldn't have been there." He looked flatly at Clarke, "We don't need their help. We didn't need it at the mountain and we don't need it now. Pike is going to make Arkadia prosperous and safe, we are going to retake the mountainyou're your little grounder friends will accept that or die. This is for the good of our people. I have always done what is right for us! This is our land now."

 

"You're a fucking moron Bellamy. There's an army marching towards Arkadia as we speak. They will wipe this place out! You're going to get us all killed." Octavia screamed at him.

 

"No, I won't. I'm doing this too keep us all safe," Bellamy replied so calmly that it sent a shiver down Clarke's spine. He quickly made a move to grab Clarke, "Come on, I'm taking you to Pike."

 

Octavia's arm shot forward and landed on his chest, "I can't let you do that big brother."

 

"Step aside Octavia," he said gruffly.

 

"I can't do that," she said quietly shooting a threatening stare at Bellamy.

 

Clarke glanced at Raven as Bellamy tightened the grip on her arm. It began to become painful and Clarke winced. Bellamy only tightened his grip as he repeated his command to Octavia.

 

Raven looked to the table where she had been repairing one the electric batons, she snagged it and tossed it Clarke's way just as Octavia ducked and swung her leg out catching Bellamy behind the knees and making him fall.

 

He released his grip on Clarke in surprise and Clarke snagged the baton Raven tossed. She extended it in the same motion as she heard the satisfying sound of electricity emit from it and she struck Bellamy on the chest. The boy began to convulse as the pulses rung through his body before Octavia stood up and planted a knee to the side of his head knocking him out.

 

The three girls paused for a moment breathing heavily through the shock of what just happened. Clarke shook her head and went to raven's side. "I don't have much time, listen."

 

Clarke explained to Raven that she needed one of their radios and a secure channel away from prying unwanted ears. Raven began gathering what Clarke needed and working on the frequency and channel as she spoke.

 

She told Raven to fill her in on any developments, on any info they'd need to react. Lastly she told her that Octavia would be joining them in Polis now that she had obviously chosen the grounders over her own brother meant she wouldn't be safe inside the walls. Clarke looked at Raven as Raven finished her tinkering and handed her the radio. Clarke tried to hide the worry on her face as she looked at her friend.

 

"Go on, you better get out of here," Raven said trying to cut the moment.

 

Clarke pulled her in for a hug. "Be safe," she whispered in Raven's ear. She felt Raven hug her back and squeeze tight before pulling out of the hug and looking at Clarke.

 

"Don't worry Clarke, I got this," She said with a reassuring nod. "Besides, I'm the youngest and best mechanic on the Ark, they need me more than you do." Raven smiled her dazzling smile, the one that reminded Clarke of Rave's zest for life.

 

Clarke smiled back and hugged her one last time, "They don't need you more than me," she told her fighting down the emotion in her voice. It was true, since Clarke had met Raven there had been few sky people she could rely on. Raven had always come through for Clarke. She was constant.

 

"Get out of here," Raven said with a slight shove toward the vent but a thankful smile crossed her lips.

 

Clarke nodded, looked once more at Raven before following Octavia back into the vents. They went back to the medical bay to find Abby and Kane. They were just about to open the vent to the escape route when a man came in. He paused as he took in Kane, Abby, Clarke and Octavia. The four of them froze.

 

Clarke watched as the man made a move to grab his radio. He was about to bring it up to his lips and call for reinforcement when Clarke found her dagger in her hand as if it was moving on its own.

 

Before she realized it she had flung the pointed edge across the room with dazzling accuracy striking him square in the chest. Right where his heart was. The man looked to the knife and then fell to his knees.

 

Clarke barely registered what she had done before she was moving. She was grabbing the man's body and pulling him to the vent. "Clarke what are you doing?" Octavia asked hurridly coming to her side.

 

"He can't be here. If they find him they'll kill you for treason, for helping us!" She replied to Octavia but the statement was addressed to her mom and Kane. Octavia understood and began to help Clarke.

 

Kane removed the vent cover and the girls made there way in shoving the body ahead of them. Clarke turned around and caught her mom's eye, Clarke gave her a small smile. As Abby returned it Clarke turned and followed Octavia back out of the Ark.

 

 


	26. The Wait

 

 

 

Lexa was pacing her tent. Clarke and Octavi had left two hours ago. If everything was going correctly they should be back in camp within the next hour. If things hadn't gone correctly - Lexa already had her sword strapped to her hip.

 

She had sent word to be told as soon as the two girls were spotted. Lexa was trying to remain calm but failing. Her mind kept running wild with endless possibilities of what could be happening at Arkadia at the moment. She had 200 warriors ready to move on her command, but she waited. She had promised Clarke 3 hours. She could give her that.

 

Lexa continued her silent pacing before she removed her dagger from her thigh and stabbed it into the table in frustration and worry. She pulled out her sword and decided to practice with it. She walked up to a wooden dummy that they used for such a thing.

 

She began swinging her sword at a swift pace. She moved left and right methodically striking, swinging and stabbing at the dummy. The motion helped clear her head. Lexa already felt better, she felt like she could focus again. She felt herself mentally preparing to head to Arkadia and find Clarke.

 

She continued her motions until she was sweating evenly. She stopped and placed her sword in it's scabbard. Breathing heavily she went to sit down and grab a drink of water. While she sat in silence she heard noises outside her tent. She looked up and found Indra entering. "It's time."

 

Lexa was now in her own clothes. She had armour and spare leathers on. She was ready to fight.

 

Lexa nodded and Indra left. Three hours. Clarke wasn't back yet. Lexa's breath hitched. She felt a pang of hopelessness and she tried to swallow it down. She'd have to march on Arkadia. She had to go now. She had to make sure Clarke was safe.

 

She had no clue what was really happening inside the walls of Arkadia. She silently pleaded that Clarke was okay as she stood up. She knew what must be done.

 

  _Kill them all,_ a voice in her head whispered. She felt anger bubble inside her filling her up. She felt her commander's mask creep across her face. She was ready.

 

Lexa exited the tent and found her warriors waiting. She looked at them all before speaking.

 

"We march on Arkadia. We seek Wanheda, anyone who tries to stop us pays with their life!"

 

The warriors cheered and hollered at her words. They began beating their hands against their chest and war cries filled the air. With a nod of her head Lexa beckoned the army to move, she hopped up on her horse and made to follow. They moved slowly but silently. They were heading the opposite way of where Clarke and Octavia headed. They were heading to the front doors.

 

They had been making their slow march for a bout twenty minutes before Lexa heard rustling behind her and her troops. She and Ryder were bringing up the rear. He slowed to stop and turned his horse following the sound.

 

Lexa copied his motion before halting her horse, "WAIT!" she heard Octavia yell out.

 

Lexa's breath caught in her throat as she saw the brunette appear out of the shadows. Where was Clarke? Lexa peered hard into the darkness seeking her out.

 

Octavia stopped when she came into view of Lexa and Ryder, her breathing was fast like she had run the whole way.

 

"Where's Clarke?" Lexa demanded forcefully.

 

Octavia looked up at her, "She's back at your camp, she couldn't catch up with her leg how it is."

 

With that Lexa turned to Ryder, "Halt the march, bring them back." Ryder nodded and tore off on his horse to the front of the line.

 

Lexa kicked the horse beckoning it foreward, she got closer to Octavia leaned slightly and shot out her arm. Octavia reached up and grabbed it as the motion swung her up and into the saddle behind Lexa. Without stopping Lexa took off towards their camp again and back to Clarke.

 

She pushed the horse quickly before stopping just outside her tent and hopping off and heading into her tent. She heard Octavia adjust in the saddle and begin moving the horse. Lexa assumed Octavia was returning it to its hitching post and food, she silently thanked her as she entered the tent.

 

She found Clarke sitting on the corner of a bed. The blonde looked up at Lexa and smiled sadly. Lexa froze as she did a quick once over on Clarke. She was looking for any new injuries. She crossed the gap to stand in front of Clarke.

 

"You're okay," she breathed a sigh of relief.

 

Clarke smiled as she looked at her and nodded. "It's just my leg, we had just missed you when we got back and I couldn't run after you to stop you."

 

Lexa took a deep breath, "come on, we should clean it again, I'll get one of the healers in here."

 

Clarke shook her head and reached for Lexa's hand, "I can do it. They left their rub and clean bandages over there."

 

Lexa looked to where Clarke had gestured. She nodded and headed over to the washbasin. As she gathered what Clarke would need she heard Clarke removing her coat before dropping her boots to the floor.

 

Lexa walked over and placed the items beside Clarke before bending down and gathering Clarkes coat and boots. She took them to the table before returning to Clarke.

 

She watched Clarke stand up slowly and gingerly. Lexa observed that her leg was hurting her more than she was letting on. The day's events and movements had taken their toll on her wound that was just starting to properly heal.

 

Lexa was already back at Clarke's side reaching out to help steady her. She caught Clarke's forearm as Clarke stumbled and began to fall, Lexa's other hand shot out catching Clarke around the waist keeping her up. She helped Clarke regain her footing before moving slightly and returning to face Clarke.

 

"I can do it," Clarke said stubbornly.

 

"Let me help," Lexa said quietly smiling at Clarke's determination.

 

When Clarke looked up she looked sad and defeated. Lexa's smile faded at the sight. She didn't like seeing Clarke in any emotional or physical pain. Surprisingly Clarke too a deep breath and nodded placing her hands on Lexa's shoulders.

 

Lexa looked her in the eyes making sure she was given permission to help before adjusting her hands and gently putting her finger tips into Clarke's waste band. She trailed her hands towards the front of her before undoing the pants clasp. Lexa glanced up at Clarke.

 

She tried to ignore the beating rhythm of her heart that always sped up when she was this close to Clarke. Lexa felt self-conscious like Clarke could hear the pounding as well. She found Clarke watching her deep in thought, but there was a small smile on her face now. Lexa smiled and turned her attention back to Clarke's pants.

 

She adjusted her hands and began sliding Clarke's pants slowly off her hips. She gently tugged them before having to dip her body slightly to ease them off Clarke's back side. Clarke winced and Lexa froze afraid she was hurting her.

 

"I'm okay, I think the bandage just pulled a bit," Clarke said quietly when she had realized Lexa froze. Clarke squeezed her shoulder, "Just pull 'em off."

 

Her teeth were clenched now ready for any other painful twinges that might occur. Lexa was careful as she knelt down to her knees to gingerly remove the pants over the bandage.

 

When the pants were past Clarke's thighs Lexa helped her sit down and removed the pants off her ankles. Lexa folded them and took them to the table with Clarke's other things. She turned back to the blonde and her breath caught in her throat. She watched as the light of the candles in the tent danced against Clarke's hair. Lexa couldn't ignore the sight of Clarkes pale soft skin of her thighs.

 

Clarke was only in a t-shirt and underwear. She felt the butterflies in her stomach begin to do backflips. Clarke was making a grab for the bandage and slowly unraveling it.

 

Lexa shook her head and went back over to help. As she helped Clarke clean and rewrap the wound Clarke had filled her in on the situation at Arkadia.

 

Lexa understood. She knew now that there was mixed feelings within Arkadia. There were some that were on board with the grounders and some that were fervently against them. This complicated matters immensely. They couldn't walk in there and make them see reason but they also could not walk in there and kill them all.

 

They had armies coming from every direction. They didn't want Lexa's protection. They, in fact, murdered men Lexa had placed around their camp to help protect them only complicating matters more.

 

Lexa knew how Clarke felt about her people; it was the same as Lexa felt about her own. They mattered, every life mattered. If death has no cost life has no meaning. How were they to get justice for the lives that had been wasted in the woods earlier and also protect the Arkadian's from the ice nation army.

 

Lexa held up a hand to stop Clarke when Clarke was going on to a new tangent of ideas on what they could do. Clarke couldn't hide her yawns any longer. Lexa had counted four in the last five minutes alone.

 

She could see the heavy weight to Clarke's eyelids begging to be closed. "You need rest Clarke."

 

Clarke yawned again as if on cue as Lexa rose crossing to the bed and pulling back the furs. She gestured to Clarke to get in. Clarke shifted and moved to where Lexa was beckoning her.

 

Clarke smiled sheepishly as she crawled under the furs. Lexa pulled the furs up onto Clarke's shoulders before turning and crossing the room again. Lexa removed her armour, pulled off her cloak before beginning with her leathers. She pulled each item off and placed them beside Clarke's.

 

When Lexa had only her undergarments on she then went to blow some of the candles out. She put another log on the fire in the centre of the tent to keep it warm. She then looked at Clarke to find the girl was watching her.

 

"Rest Clarke, we have a long journey to make tomorrow."

 

"Where are you going to sleep?" Clarke asked.

 

Lexa gestured to a fur on the ground. She grabbed a pillow from the bed and tossed it to where she had gestured. Lexa could feel Clarke's eyes follow her as she plopped herself down to get comfortable. Lexa turned over on her side so she could see Clarke.

 

Clarke was still watching her deep in thought. Lexa smiled, "Rest Clarke." She told her.

 

Lexa didn't remember shutting her eyes. The last thing she remembered was staring into Clarke's blue eyes before the darkness took her. Lexa rolled to turn herself back to where she had last seen Clarke. She wasn't there.

 

Lexa's eyes widened and she sat bolt up right in a panic. She heard a stirring at her movement and she looked to her left.

 

There was Clarke.

 

She had placed herself beside Lexa on the floor. She had brought the furs off the bed with her and was cuddled into them, Lexa watched as Clarke's eyes fluttered open a little wider to see her better. Lexa looked at her questioningly but still with a smile on her face.

 

Clarke pulled the blankets up a little higher covering her mouth a bit more, "I couldn't sleep," she admitted quietly.

 

"So you thought it would be better on the floor?" Lexa asked

 

Clarke looked at her before she slowly shook her head. "I thought it would be better closer to you."

 

That surprised Lexa.

 

She understood though, Clarke found strength in Lexa and Lexa found it so often in Clarke's presence. She rose slowly gathering the fur and pillow she had been sleeping with. She tossed them on the bed before coming back to Clarke and reaching out a hand.

 

Clarke smiled in understanding and took it. Lexa's hand tingled at the touch. She pulled Clarke to her feet and guided her to the bed. Clarke crawled in while Lexa gathered the blanket and draped it over Clarke and the bed. Clarke scooted over holding the corner of the fur up inviting Lexa in.

 

Lexa took a calming breath and crawled in beside her. She felt Clarke's body tense slightly as she did so. Lexa leaned back into the pillow and felt Clarke then adjust herself to be closer to Lexa. They weren't touching but Lexa could feel the heat from Clarke's body beside her. It calmed her and Lexa felt sleep taking her again.

 

She didn't have to dream of Clarke, she had her.

 

 


	27. The Sword

 

 

 

When Clarke woke up the next morning. There was a soft light coming in through the tent. Clarke blinked a few times allowing her eyes to adjust to the light.

 

She was lying on her stomach and she felt her head rise and fall slightly before she realized where exactly she was. She had her arms around Lexa and her head on her chest. With each breath Lexa took Clarke's head bobbed with motion.

 

Clarke allowed herself to smile. She was so content in this moment. She had slept so solidly and peacefully when the two girls had gotten into the bed together. Clarke felt safe and warm. She let the feeling fill her up and give her strength.

 

She didn't make another move for over an hour. She just listened in silence to the peaceful rhythm of Lexa's heartbeat. She relaxed and let her head rise and fall with each breath Lexa took. Clarke then felt Lexa's arm swing down from above her head and land on Clarke's side gently.

 

Clarke felt Lexa's hand slowly moved up and down Clarke's side soothingly. Clarke adjusted her head to look up at the girl. Lexa's eyes were still closed. 

 

_She must still be asleep_ , Clarke thought. That made her happy. Lexa had unconsciously reached out for Clarke to make sure she was there. Clarke relished in the thought.

 

Clarke took a few deep breaths. She could smell Lexa's floral scent filling her nostrils sending fresh waves of calm and tingles throughout her body. Clarke didn't dare move, she didn't want this moment to end.

 

She was perfectly content right where she was. Then the events of yesterday began to push forward to her thoughts. Pike and Bellamy, the mountain, the grounders, her mom and Kane, the Ice Nation, it all began to overwhelm her again.

 

Clarke sighed.

 

"What's wrong?" Lexa's voice was quiet but it cracked slightly still groggy from sleep.

 

Clarke wasn't aware that she had woken up until now. Clarke looked up at her remaining quiet. Lexa watched her for a few moments before clearing her throat and speaking, "Foolish question. Sorry," Lexa said with a small smile testing the room.

Clarke smiled, she had not expected the light response from her. Clarke rolled off of Lexa's chest and on to her back looking up at the tent. She brought her hands to her face and began to rub the sleep out of her eyes.

 

"I can't believe I actually slept again," she heard herself say. She stopped rubbing her eyes as she realized the truth to her words. She knew why she slept well. She knew she had gotten out of bed and crawled to the floor beside Lexa just to be closer to the girl. She knew she fell asleep almost the instant Lexa and her relocated to the bed. She had a dreamless sleep beside the girl and she was incredibly grateful.

 

Her body was beginning to feel better, her muscles didn't ache and her leg injury wasn't hurting as much either.

 

Clarke removed her hands and stole a quick look up at Lexa. She found her already watching her with a funny look on her face. One that told Clarke she was struggling internally with whether to say something or not.

 

Lexa licked her lips before she spoke, "I haven't slept well until I had you with me. Not until I knew for certain that you were safe."

 

Clarke watched her as Lexa blinked a few times after she admitted that. Clarke smiled up at her, "Thanks to you, I am."

 

Lexa returned her smile and reached down to grab Clarke's hand. She looked deep into Clarke's eyes, Clarke felt like she was piercing into her soul, seeing every part of her. She didn't say anything else she simply looked at Clarke. Clarke looked back, feeling herself getting lost in the sea of green again.

 

They lay like that for awhile still holding hands, Clarke tracing small circles on the back of Lexa's hand with her thumb. They heard movement outside the tent telling them the camp had started to stir and wake with the morning as well.

 

The girls stole a few more quiet moments before they both slowly rose from the bed. When they had each washed and dressed Clarke helped Lexa strap on her leathers and her gear. Clarke strapped her dagger to her hip and was surrised to turn around and find Lexa holding a set of leathers and some straps.

 

Clarke paused a second looking at her questioningly before she realized the look of determination on Lexa's face told her there was no arguing. Clarke shrugged and moved closer to the girl holding her arms out wide.

 

Lexa stepped forward and started placing the leathers, strapping them tight covering vulnerable parts of Clarke's body. She took a harness and laid it over Clarke's shoulder, it had a small metal ornately designed plate of metal that fit perfectly on Clarkes left shoulder.

 

Clarke realized the harness had a sword scabbard that pressed tight against her back. That took her by surprise. She didn't have a sword, only the small dagger on her hip. Lexa strapped everything on tight but not painfully so. She lastly buckled a second dagger to Clarke's good thigh, her hands shaking slightly as she did so as they made their way softly to buckle the straps.

 

Clarke looked down fondly as she realized it was one of Lexa's own daggers now strapped to her thigh. Lexa looked up at her and smiled before standing up and stepping back.

 

Her smile widened as she observed Clarke. Clarke felt embarrassed and exposed with the girls eyes on her, it was oddly exciting to have Lexa staring at her like that. She saw excitement in her eyes and maybe even… _lust,_  Clarke silently told her little voice to shut up as she felt her cheeks grow hot.

 

She watched Lexa look at her a little longer before turning back to head to a chest by the bed. She opened it and pulled an item out with dazzling speed.

 

Clarke heard the sound of steel and saw a flash of silver. Lexa was holding a beautiful medium sized katana sword. Clarke watched as Lexa took the sword and laid its blade flat between her two palms holding it like an offering. She crossed back to Clarke but said nothing. Clarke looked from her to the sword.

 

It was beautiful, Clarke had only ever seen one other like it and that was Lexa's that was on her own hip. It was delicate, beautiful but deadly at the same time. It took Clarke's breath away as she realized the sword embodied Lexa.

 

Clarke looked back to Lexa, "I don't even know how to use this."

 

Lexa smiled, "I've seen you with a dagger, trust me you can handle this."

 

Clarke looked back to the sword. She was still in shock of the beauty of it. It had a slender blade but Clarke could see just how sharp it was. The handle was black leather braided tight and just as beautiful as the blade.

 

"Clarke, please," Lexa said quietly as she took another step closer gesturing with the sword.

 

Clarke looked back at her and shook her head slightly. The sword scared her a bit but she didn't want to admit that.

 

"Clarke please, I know you no longer wear your gun," Lexa said quietly, "Please wear this and be safe." The last bit was only a whisper, but Clarke could hear the tone of desperation in her voice. Lexa worried for Clarke's safety, she only wanted Clarke to be prepared to defend herself. Clarke nodded, reaching out slowly for the handle.

 

The sword was light, evenly balanced. Clarke was surprised to find how natural it felt in her hand. The gun had always felt heavy and deadly in her hand, the feeling of the gun weighing on her chest making her feel small. The sword felt light and deadly but holding it seemed to be giving her strength. Clarke could feel courage build inside her making her feel powerful and brave. She found herself smiling and looked up at Lexa.

 

She was smiling too. She looked proud.

 

Clarke lifted her head and took a few steps back. She extended her arm and swung, the sword whipped with ease through the air. LExa moved and motioned to Clarke to follow her to the wooden dummy in the corner. The thing had deep gouges taken out of it everywhere. Clarke looked at Lexa,  _she really is deadly,_  but the thought didn't scare her. It excited her…

 

Clarke moved forward and began swiping at the dummy. Chunks of wood began to fly as she struck hard with each blow. It felt therapeutic, much like how Clarke felt when she practiced with her dagger. She listened as Lexa coached her, to move here and there, to step forward and back. Clarke was now sweating slightly but she continued her assault.

 

"Good Clarke!" Lexa purred behind her.

 

That only pushed Clarke harder, it thrilled her to hear the excitement and pride in Lexa's voice.

 

"Okay, now we really practice," she heard Lexa say after a few more minutes. The pride and excitement still ringing clear in Clarke's ears. She lowered the sword and turned to face Lexa.

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Come on, we have a few moments before we leave for Polis," Lexa replied with a coy smile as she turned and head outside.

 

Clarke followed her out and into a patch of grass with few trees and obstacles. Lexa turned and stopped, she pulled out her own sword.

 

Clarke froze, "You've got to be kidding?"

 

"I hardly ever do that," Lexa smiled.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes, "I don't want to hurt you."

 

Lexa smiled wider, "I appreciate that. Now defend yourself because I do not wish to hurt you either." She raised her sword signalling to Clarke that she meant to strike soon.

 

Clarke bit her lip before fixing her stance and raising her sword.

 

Lexa made her move taking a step forward and gracefully swinging the blade at half speed, "block high Clarke."

 

Clarke responded to both lexa's instructing and instinct. She heard and felt the satisfying land of blade on blade. She smiled and took a step countering Lexa's. Lexa smiled radiantly as she watched Clarke adjust knowing what was coming. Clarke was going to take turn at attacking.

 

Lexa easily parried Clarke's next strike and Clarke stumbled slightly before regaining her footing. She heard a couple hoots and hollers from a small crowd that had begun to form around them. She smiled back at Lexa and stepped back as Lexa took a couple swings at her. Clarke mimicked Lexa's parries and footwork. Learning quickly from her instructions and movements.

 

"Good Clarke," she heard Lexa purr again, the sound pushed emotions into Clarke's belly as her stomach did a flip at the sound. It distracted Clarke slightly as she missed her next thrust. Before she knew it she felt Lexa twist from her position and swoop in behind her, blade up to Clarke's chest but not making contact so not to hurt her.

 

Clarke felt Lexa's free hand find her arm and pin it to her side, "you look like a true warrior now" Lexa whispered, her breath tickling Clarke's ear sending new waves of excitement through her. Clarkes knees went weak and she felt her back crash into Lexa's chest before she gathered her legs beneath her again. Lexa laughed lightly and helped Clarke steady herself.

 

"Gather your things, we leave for Polis now," Lexa raised her voice to her warriors. There was 150 staying behind in the woods on Lexa's orders.

 

As of right now the girls didn't know whether it would be to help defend or destroy Arkadia. Clarke tried to ignore the thought.

 

Clarke turned to face her as the warriors began to disperse, "Was I really any good?" she asked stupidly, she felt dumb for even asking. "It felt really good, does that make me a terrible person?"

 

Lexa smiled, "You are not a terrible person. A truly impossible feat that would be actually."

 

Clarke blushed as Lexa continued, "You are very good with a blade Clarke. I told you, you were born for this."

 

Clarke beamed. She couldn't help it. Lexa was bringing so many feelings and emotions to the surface that Clarke hadn't felt in as long as she could remember. Even on the brink of another war and more death here Clarke was feeling… _alive._ She looked at the sword and made a motion to put it in the scabbard on her back.

 

She missed.

 

"Shit," Clarke swore slightly embrassed and dejected. She was feeling so condident and proud up until that point.

 

She heard a very unnatural snort of laughter come from Lexa and Clarke flashed her a warning glare.

 

Lexa swallowed her laughter and stepped closer to Clarke grabbing the sword and swinging the girl around with her other hand so she could put the sword in the scabbard for her, "Believe it or not, that's the most difficult part."

 

 


	28. The Room

 

 

 

The journey to Polis was long but beautiful. Octavia, Clarke, Lexa and Ryder had all gone ahead on the horses while the warriors brought up the rear. They passed no one on their route.

 

They crossed a river that was surrounded by rolling hills of wheat. This area looked familiar to Clarke as she recalled being in a similar place when Roan had captured her.

 

She looked at Lexa,  _did she send Roan? Was he trying to taking me to Polis?_  Clarke recalled Roan telling her that she was shouting out  _her_ name in the middle of the night. So Roan knew Lexa that was certain.

 

Clarke kept watching Lexa as she thought about her time with Roan. He never hurt her unless she forced him to defend himself, he kept her safe from the broadleaf clan, he let her go…

 

Clarke almost smacked her hand to her forehead. She had been so blind. Lexa most definitely had sent the man to look for her. Clarke found herself smiling,  _Lexa had sent Roan to keep Clarke safe._

 

When they arrived in Polis people swarmed them trying to touch any part of them like it would bless their life. Clarke heard shouts of 'Heda' and 'Wanheda' as they made there way towards the tower.

 

Clarke tried to keep her head held high as she followed Lexa through the crowd on her horse. She understood the grounder's views of her, she knew the amount of lives that they lost in the mountain way outnumbered Clarke's people.

 

She knew that her irradiating the mountain had brought down the grounder's biggest threat to survival. She tried to feel pride in her actions. She tried to puff out her chest like she deserved the praise and credit. She tried to ignore the remaining guilt from her actions weighing on her conscience.

 

Clarke was surprised to find that guilt had actually lessened tenfold than 3 months ago. She wasn't sure when it happened but she was certain it had to do with being in Lexa's presence again.

 

Lexa made Clarke feel like a hero.

 

Not only because she had brought down the mountain but because Lexa made it okay for Clarke to bear guilt for her actions, to still be  _human_. Lexa made it okay for Clarke to feel every loss of life but relish in every life saved.

 

Clarke knew Lexa felt the same way of every life that fell beneath her as well. She had seen it in person; she had seen Lexa feel deeply when no one else was privy to such moments of 'weakness' from the commander.

 

Lexa had shown Clarke that she could be a hero  _and_  a killer; that she could find a harmonious balance between the two. To find the person she was all along: merciful but unafraid to do what is needed for the greater good.

 

Clarke turned her attention to her left where Octavia was riding her horse. She smiled as she watched Octavia take in the sight of the city.

 

Up until now Octavia had only seen Trikru clan and land surrounding Arkadia in detail. She had never seen the more civilized grounder city with time to explore it. Her recent visits had been brief and all business. Now, she had the time to look The look of awe was written across her face.

 

"This is incredible," Octavia said to Clarke realizing she was being watched.

 

Clarke nodded, "I know." She meant it. When she first arrived to Polis she hadn't exactly stopped to take in the sights of the city then either. Now that she was taking it all in she felt like she was seeing it for the first time. It was huge.

 

There were people everywhere just going about their lives. None of them were worrying about war and death in Polis. She saw children running in the streets after a goat, laughing and hollering as they passed the horses.

 

Octavia laughed as a young boy handed her a flower, she graciously accepted and put it in her hair. Clarke squeezed her heel into the horse urging it to speed up so she could catch up with Lexa.

 

They were close to the tower now Lexa smiled wide when Clarke rode to her side and Clarke returned it. It was an intense moment, even when it wasn't.

 

They went to the stables and handed over the horses. Lexa led them inside before showing Octavia to her quarters. They left Octavia to wash up and rest from the journey before Clarke and Lexa entered the elevator again going up another level. They were on the top floor when they exited. Clarke followed Lexa to a set of double door, she opened them and went in stepping aside to let Clarke enter.

 

Clarke gasped. The room was absolutely royal looking. It had furs on a giant four posted bed, candles everywhere, a couch in the corned and a giant window balcony. Clarke's jaw dropped at the sight. She couldn't believe it. This was so different than Lexa's commander tents; this was positively feminine looking. She looked at Lexa who was beaming at Clarke's expression.

 

Lexa walked forward and pulled the curtains wider bringing more light into the room. The fresh air filled Clarke's nose and she breathed in deep. She felt lighter here. She walked over to where Lexa was standing and stopped beside her. Lexa was looking out on the city fondly. Clarke reached down with her hand and found Lexa's entwining her fingers into the brunette's. "Thank you for bringing me here," Clarke said breathlessly looking out the window with Lexa.

 

Lexa turned to face her, "Thank you for coming." She nodded slightly and finished the sentence with a smile.

 

Clarke brought her other hand to cup Lexa's cheek before leaning in slowly and capturing her lips against her own. They sunk into it, hand and arms encircling each other.

 

Clarke ran her hand through Lexa's hair, she felt the girls hips against her own, felt the push and pull of there lips colliding again and again. Their kisses sped up, they became more urgent a little more forceful, they were getting lost in the actions.

 

Then she felt Lexa pull away and Clarke opened her eyes and screwed up her eyebrows confused. Lexa kept her eyes closed a moment as if trying to wake up from a dream, before she opened them and looked at Clarke, "You need to rest, we have the meeting later."

 

Clarke made a stubborn face, "I don't want to rest. I want to do this." she kissed Lexa again. She felt Lexa give in slightly before tensing up and stepping out of it again. Clarke let out a sigh in frustration. She was losing this battle and she knew it.

 

Lexa smiled at her sigh, "We will have time for that later," she reassured her.

 

Clarke tried to wipe the look of a pissed of child from her face before she turned and headed to the bathroom to get cleaned up. She heard the door to her room open and close signalling that Lexa had left the room.

 

When Clarke was finished she went back to the window and looked out on the city. She stayed there for a while watching the tiny figures move this way and that on the ground.

 

She was wearing grounder clothes that had been left out for her. They fit well and were surprisingly comfortable. Clarke yawned and turned to head to the bed. It looked incredibly comfortable. She ran a hand along the furs before she pulled them back and crawled in. The bed was soft and luxurious. Clarke felt her body relax into the sheets and mattress.

 

She lied there for some time, never falling asleep but simply resting and taking in the safety of her surroundings.

 

A knock came at the door, "come in." She called.

 

Lexa entered the room and smiled at her, "did you sleep?"

 

Clarke shook her head, "No, but I rested."

 

Lexa looked at her shrewdly before nodding, "would you like to join me for a meal before the meeting?"

 

Clarke nodded eagerly and hopped out of bed. She followed Lexa out of the room and to the elevator.

 

_She's got a nice ass._  

 

She tells that voice to shut up.

 


	29. The Talk

 

 

 

After the meeting was finished it was way past dark. Clarke yawned as she bid goodnight to Octavia and followed Lexa back to the top floor. The meeting had not gone according to plan. Only six clan ambassadors showed up meaning the others were with the Ice Nation or in hiding.

 

The meeting was heavy with disappointment and arguments about what choice of action to take. Some called for war, some called for the blood of the Ice Queen, but none had called for peace. None had stepped forward to urge a bloodless end to the dispute.

 

Clarke knew deep down it was pointless. From what she knew of the Ice Queen she was ruthless and not likely to relent until she herself was in power.

 

Another topic of discussion was the SkaiKru and where they sat in all this. Clarke had taken that opportunity to speak up when all eyes landed on Lexa for an answer. She told them about the split within the camp, she told them truthfully that there were some that were friends and some that were foe.

 

When the ambassadors were told about Skaikru's desire for the mountain Clarke was unsurprised when they immediately called for all of SkaiKru to be declared enemies of the coalition. Thankfully, the vote was not unanimous among the representatives present – Lexa had voted against the decision.

 

Lexa had been SkaiKru's saving grace. As thankful as Clarke was she could not fight the fear building inside her. This decision of Lexa's no doubt put an even bigger target on her back. She ran scenarios in her head the entire trip to the top floor, all of them ending worse than the last, a shiver ran down her spine.

 

They remained silent as they walked the hall of the top floor towards Clarke's room. They stopped outside it and Clarke looked at Lexa unsure of what to say; she didn't want to be alone, especially not after the meeting they just had but she didn't know if Lexa wanted to be alone. Maybe she'd prefer to digest the information on her own without Clarke's help.

 

Clarke settled for shooting a small smile at Lexa, she was about to say goodnight when Lexa spoke softly, "Are you tired?"

 

Clarke nodded but said, "I'm not sure I could sleep right now though."

 

Lexa squared her shoulders a bit, Clarke noticed how tired she herself looked. The meeting was taking its toll on both of them.

 

"No, I don't think I could either. Wash up, come by my room after if you like? We can discuss things."

 

Clarke smiled grabbing the door handle and starting to walk in the room, "Okay, I'll be a few minutes." She shut the door lightly and began to walk before stopping and turning back to the door in a rush. She pulled it open, "Lexa?"

 

Lexa was a few feet down the hall, she turned around with a questioning look on her face.

 

"I don't know which room is yours."

 

Lexa smiled and replied softly, "I am right next door," she pointed a set of double doors about 10 feet from Clarke's own. She turned back to begin walking to her room again.

 

When Clarke was finished cleaning up and changing she found herself walking through the hall towards Lexa's room. She felt like she was sneaking in to somewhere she shouldn't be. She was sure this wasn't typical of any other guest in Polis to visit the commander after hours.

 

She found herself beginning to worry about what Lexa's people would think of their visits, of their connection, of their new found sleeping habits...

 

She felt fear grip her as she thought back to Lexa's words so long ago,  _Love is weakness_.

 

The commander of the blood wasn't allowed to show her feelings, she wasn't allowed to grieve for the dead, she wasn't allowed to love, she wasn't allowed to be  _weak._  

 

Clarke shook her head, she knew they both cared deeply about each other but she wasn't sure she could call it love… _not yet._  

 

Clarke sighed, whatever was going on between them, she had to be careful for Lexa's sake. Clarke couldn't be responsible for that death…not hers. She reached out her hand about to knock before that thought pulled her hand back. Just having feelings for Clarke would be enough for the clans to reject her, to kill her for her appearing weak.

 

Clarke's eyes widened…and now she had just vouched for Clarke's people putting an even bigger target on her back. With the Ice Nation marching against her this was the most dangerous decision Lexa had made so far regarding the SkaiKru.

 

Clarke shivered in the hallway just staring at Lexa's door. She was so torn. She wanted to be with Lexa, to talk about things, to just be in her presence but a larger part of Clarke wanted to keep her safe. She took a step back; her breathing was heavy now in the panic of thoughts running through her head.

 

She felt tired, weak, scared and overwhelmed, she reached her hand out to brace herself against the wall.

 

_Great,_  she thought as she kept trying to catch her breath,  _now I'm having a panic attack._  Her vision swam in front of her eyes, she brought a second hand up to help brace herself as she stumbled. She then felt an arm swing around her waist as she felt herself be propped up bringing her arm to lie around the person's shoulders.

 

Her vision was still blurry she shook her head trying to fight it and bring her breathing back to normal. She felt herself being ushered into the room in front of her. She could smell Lexa's floral oils radiating from her neck, the smell began to slow the rush of blood to Clarke's head and it was helping to fight off the urge to faint.

 

"Breathe Clarke, you need to breathe."

 

Lexa's voice rang through her ears clear, it was already helping to alleviate the fog in Clarke's head. She felt her vision beginning to clear as Lexa led her to sit down. She felt Lexa sit beside her and start rubbing soothing circles on Clarke's back with her right hand. Her left was lying on Clarke's thigh squeezing slightly in concern.

 

Clarke began to come back to her senses with each motion of Lexa's hand. She felt herself calming down, she felt her heavy breathing lessen and her heart slow its pace a bit.

 

When she had calmed down she finally brought her eyes up to meet Lexa's. The girl hadn't left Clarke's side since she sat them both down. She was still rubbing Clarke's back, concern filled her eyes. They were wide as they looked at Clarke, searching for any sign that she was not okay. Clarke smiled and took a deep breath and breaking the silence.

 

"Sorry."

 

Lexa shook her head, "It is alright Clarke, we all have those moments."

 

Clarke looked at her surprised, "Even you?" She didn't believe it. Lexa had always shown so much control and dignity; Clarke had never seen her weak, not even while she was in agony injured on the ground in the forest.

 

Lexa had always been so stoic since the day they met; Clarke always had to look very closely to see the subtle changes in Lexa's face that depicted her feelings. She didn't believe that Lexa would ever have a break down like Clarke just had.

 

Clarke watched as Lexa's eyes began to well up. The girl swallowed and smiled sadly, "Even me, though, I haven't had an attack like yours for about four years." The words were soft and full of layered sadness.

 

Clarke put her hand on Lexa's that was still on Clarke's thigh. She gave a squeeze, "Costia?"

 

A single tear dropped at the sound of her name coming from Clarke. Lexa quickly removed her hand from Clarke's thigh and wiped it away looking ashamed.

 

Clarke reached out and grabbed Lexa's thigh, "Hey, you can talk to me you know."

 

She didn't know why she was saying it all she knew was that it felt right. She had to let Lexa know she had someone, that she wasn't alone and that she could  _be Lexa_  in front of Clarke. Clarke knew Lexa needed to hear it, needed to know it.

 

Clarke took a chance and reached up to cup Lexa's cheek, "I'd like to hear about her," she smiled, it was the truth, "if you'd like to talk about it that is." She added trying to alleviate any pressure of the moment. She didn't want to upset Lexa but she wanted the girl to unburden herself. The topic was helping Clarke ignore the many problems facing the two at the moment.

 

Lexa looked at Clarke and took a few beats before smiling sadly, "Thank you, Clarke."

 

 


	30. The Weakness

 

 

 

Lexa stood up and walked slowly to her balcony. "We met when I first arrived in Polis, she was a couple years older than me, and her father was an ambassador for their clan. Their family lived in the city and we became very close. I was twelve…"

 

She heard Clarke adjust herself on the bed so she could better hear Lexa she followed her to the balcony. The two of them stared out over the city, Clarke remained quiet respecting Lexa and allowing her to travel back in her thoughts. Lexa smiled sadly as she thought about Costia before continuing.

 

"She was taller than me. Stronger than me. A better fight than me. She had red hair and a true zest for life. She taught me how to hunt, how to braid my hair, how to dance, how to kiss…" Lexa swallowed at the memories, her voice thickening with sadness before she continued.

 

"We spent every chance we had together up until my conclave came I was forced to leave Polis. In the time I was away I became commander and that's when everything changed. I was so busy trying to quell the squabbles and bad blood between the clans and unite them that I had dropped my guard. Word had spread of…my  _weakness_  throughout the Clans between those who wanted me off the throne. In the confusion Costia was taken from me out of Polis to the Ice Nation. I searched everywhere for her, I sent every available man to find her. She was held as a 'royal prisoner' in the Ice Nation for a year before I learned of her fate..."

 

Clarke must have heard the sadness in her voice as it cracked because Lexa felt her warm hand wrap around her own. She looked down at their interlocked hands before continuing.

 

Clarke gave her strength.

 

"The conclave is a brutal test…it puts the nightbloods against each other. The last one alive was said to carry the spirit of all the previous fallen commanders." Lexa shivered slightly at the memory, sixteen years old and covered in black blood. So much blood she hadn't known how much of it was her own. She swallowed as each face of her friends she killed flashed before her eyes. She saw Clarke wipe at a few tears on her cheeks. Lexa continued with her story.

 

"Nia resented me for killing the Azgeda nightblood Kilgore, for preventing Azgeda from leading the clans. She tasked her son Roan to seduce Costia, to make her trust him, to make her love him, to make her divulge my secrets. Nia had not expected Roan to fall in love with her himself…when she received no helpful information she forced him to torture and kill her."

 

Clarke looked at Lexa shocked. Lexa looked at her, "Yes, the same Roan that found you in the forest. Prince Roan was then forced to deliver Costia's remains to me. Nia was hoping I kill him giving her a right to declare war." Lexa swallowed the emotions bubbling up trying to continue.

 

After a few moments she did, "I saw the pain and conviction in his voice when he came with the box. I knew his feelings in that moment. I saw that he was a victim just as much as I or Costia. I chose to banish him from the clans for his crimes, I wanted his choices to haunt him for the rest of his life as mine do."

 

Clarke remained silent taking in the information. Lexa felt Clarke's hand tighten in a reassuring squeeze and Lexa returned it. She was thankful to tell Clarke all this. It helped to get it off her chest. She had spoken to no one about Costia's death up until now. It felt good to share this side of her with Clarke. She wanted the girl to know all of her.

 

Lexa shook her head, "I never went after her. When I learned of her location, I never took action. I didn't even seek retribution afterwards…"

 

Clarke turned to face her, "You did it for you people didn't you. Declaring them enemies of the coalition would start a war, seeking vengeance would only lead to the loss of more lives…you couldn't risk it in your position could you."

 

"No." Lexa shook her head, smiling slightly as she watched Clarke. The blonde was incredibly smart. "I could not seek revenge for one life and risk thousands in the process…"

 

"How did you do it? I couldn't even walk away from TonDC without killing the sniper…all I could think about was finding him and making him pay."

 

Lexa looked out over the balcony, "Costia would have asked me not to," she whispered.

 

Lexa saw Clarke's eyes widen out of the corner of her eye at her response. Clarke said nothing but kept her eyes on Lexa before giving her hand another squeeze and stepping back inside the room leaving Lexa to a few moments alone with her memories.

 

Alone with Costia.

 


	31. The Small Sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heads up slightly sinful

 

Clarke was feeling a lot of mixed emotions as she left Lexa on the balcony. She found herself pacing as she thought it all over. She was incredibly grateful that Lexa had trusted her enough with Costia's memory, she felt closer to Lexa with every piece of information she gained about her. She had led a rough life. Just as rough, if not rougher than Clarke. Clarke thought about the young commander, the young woman that was Lexa. She couldn't believe that she was real.

 

Clarke sat down on Lexa's bed digesting everything from the night. Her mind ran back to the meeting and all that it entailed. She didn't want to bring it up, not now. She didn't want to voice the concerns she had before she had entered Lexa's room, she didn't want to upset either one of them more tonight.

 

Her heart sank slightly as Lexa returned into the room and found Clarke, sitting down beside her she said, "It's your turn Clarke, what had you so upset?"

 

Clarke rolled her eyes. Of course she wasn't going to avoid it. She smiled weakly. "It's not important right now."

 

Lexa just looked at her silently telling Clarke that she better just suck it up and tell her. Clarke sighed giving in.

 

"I was just overwhelmed…by all of it." She bagan fiddling with one of the furs on the bed bring her legs up to cross them. "The meeting, the clans, the potential battles, everything you've worked so hard for is falling apart!" Her voice pitched up in her panic and release of her worries to the room.

 

Clarke adjusted slightly so she could look at Lexa, "You've put a huge target on your back for vouching for my people. Who by the way - have a mutiny of their own on their hands and we don't know where they are going to land in all of this. Lexa, you could lose  _everything_!"

 

Clarke didn't give Lexa a chance to say anything, now that she had started voicing her concerns she couldn't stop herself. "Lexa the clans could back out and move to Nia's side, they could send someone after you, they could _kill_  you for this!" Clarke felt her eyes begin to burn with unshed tears.

 

"Clarke, you need not worry, I can take care of myself. The ambassadors that presented themselves today were expected to. I knew the other six would not show. I have known for some time of their loyalty to Nia."

 

Clarke looked at her imploringly, "I can't let you risk it, not for them, not for me."

 

Lexa held up a hand to stop Clarke. "It's already done Clarke."

 

Clarke shook her head looking away, she wasn't understanding. "Lexa…I can't let you die for me."

 

Lexa reached for Clarke's hand, "I'd die a thousand deaths for you."

 

It was nothing more than a whisper but Clarke had not imagined it. It burned deep inside her, the passion she felt for Lexa stirring in her belly, but the words only fuelled her fears for Lexa.

 

Clarke swallowed the urge to assuage her and Lexa's pain by pulling her close in a hug. Instead she looked up into Lexa's green eyes, "You can't die for me Lexa," She said quietly matching Lexa's whisper, "I won't let you….I..I think I'm falling in love with you," Clarke swallowed as the words spilled out and she admitted the real truth, "I  _am_  in love with you."

 

When the words came out Clarke bowed her head tearing her eyes from Lexa's that had widened at the sudden bomb Clarke had just left in the room. 

 

 _What had she just done?_  She knew it to be true, she couldn't deny it to herself. She had been battling with the fact for a few days now. All Clarke could think of now was that her love had just signed Lexa's death certificate. Clarke shook her head sad at the realization. 

 

_Love is weakness._

 

Clarke felt Lexa adjust herself off the bed, she remained queit as she moved to stand in front of Clarke before kneeling before her. Lexa looked up into Clarke's eyes, Clarke looked deep within the green she saw love reflecting back at her.

 

"I swear fealty to you, Clarke kom SkaiKru, I swear to treat your needs as my own, and your people as my people."

 

They remained like that a few moments as Clarke reached out to the girl grabbing her hand and helping her to her feet. Lexa owed no fealty to anyone but here she was professing hers to Clarke.

 

Clarke knew deep down that Lexa had said that to release herself from her burden to always put her people first, now  _her_  people were  _their_  people meaning Lexa would never have to choose between the two again.

 

Lexa never removed her eyes from Clarke's blue ones as she stood. She swallowed and stepped closer to Clarke now pulling Clarke to her feet.

 

Clarke swallowed and took a deep breath unsure of what was coming, "I love you too."

 

Clarke gasped as the words left Lexa's lips. They hit Clarke straight in the heart, filling her up, excitement and passion bubbling in her veins. Her heart began to pump and her palms began to feel clammy as her nerves coursed through her. All she knew in this moment was that she had to act. Lexa wasn't going to press Clarke.

 

Clarke reached up and cupped the soft cheek, gently stroking her jaw with her thumb before smiling and pulling Lexa in to the deepest kiss they'd ever shared. She felt herself bring Lexa closer as they wrapped their arms around each other. Lexa's finding their way into Clarke's hair and small of her back.

 

Clarke's own hands finding their way to Lexa's hip and back of her neck now fully securing themselves against each other. This kiss was not full of sadness. It was deep and full of love, excitement and nerves. Clarke felt her open her mouth slightly pressing her tongue forward to deepen the kiss even further.

 

Lexa mimicked her and their tongues began to flick and trace the others tongue and lips. Clarke pulled Lexa down towards the bed, the two of them falling onto it on their sides. They never broke their contact. The new position only pushed things further. Clarke found herself clawing at the brunette, desperation to be closer now filled her.

 

She let her hand run up Lexa's side, feeling her warm soft skin sent tingles everywhere throughout Clarke's body. She could feel Lexa's desperation for her as well. She felt Lexa's hand on her thigh slowly reaching and cupper her ass.

 

Clarke's excitement only building she tugged at Lexa's shirt and ripped it off over the brunette's head. Clarke lifted herself and pushed Lexa flat so she could push herself on top of her. Clarke gasped slightly at the sight of her slender body beneathe her.

 

Lexa's breasts were exposed and before Clarke could fully appreciate the sight beneath her she felt her own shirt being tugged over her head. She complied and once it was off she crashed her lips onto Lexa's again before moving to her perfect jaw line and down her exquisite neck.

 

Clarke was trailing kisses down, licking here and there before reaching up with her hand and taking one of Lexa's breasts in her hand. Her lips made their way to the other on before her tongue began flicking the nipple.

 

Clarke purred as she heard soft moans and gasps of pleasure come from Lexa. Clarke moved to the other side before making her way back to Lexa's lips. The two girls entangling themselves deepening into each other at the contact.

 

Clarke felt Lexa shift and swiftly reposition the two of them. Lexa was now on top and nibbled on Clarkes right ear. The sensations sending new waves of pleasure to the wetness that had grown between her legs. She felt Lexa's hand graze down her sides and firmly but gently grab Clarke's chest. Clarke moaned at the pressure, feeling herself arch her back slightly. Lexa kissed Clarke's neck before finding her nipples and beginning to administer sweet kisses and playful touches. Their breathing was heavy and as intense as the actions.

 

Clarke brought Lexa back up to meet her mouth. Her hands now had a mind of their own. She wanted to elicit more reactions from her. She wanted to hear more of her sounds of pleasure. She wanted to make her make those sounds.

 

Her hand slipped to Lexa's hips, trailing her fingertips into the hem of her shorts. Clarke cupped her ass as they writhed against each other. Clarke finally made her move and slipped her one hand to the front of Lexa's shorts. She felt a warm wetness not unlike her own between Lexa's legs.

 

Clarke found her clit and began softly moving her finger against it. Lexa practically growled at the sensation as her head bucked and she arched her back pressing her hips more firmly into Clarke's hands. She instantly moved her own hand in between Clarke's legs and found her clit. Clarke bucked in response as well, "together," Lexa whispered and Clarke nodded knowing what she meant.

 

The two began mimicking their motions, each responding in low moans as their breathing quickened even more. They needed it, the urgency of the movements quickened with their breath each getting closer and closer to ecstasy.

 

They were going to peak and fall off this cliff of pleasure together.

 

And they did in a rush of breathy moans and cries sounding like each other's names.

 


	32. The Morning

 

 

 

The next day came sooner than they had expected. Lexa's eyes fluttered open to find blond hair obscuring her view. She felt Clarke's naked body against her, she could feel her hands wrapped tight and hanging on as though Lexa was going to disappear.

 

Lexa smiled as she gently moved Clarke's hair out of her view. She looked down and found Clarke's angelic face on her chest and facing her. Lexa stroked the blonde locks softly soaking in the moment.

 

She never in a million years thought she would be so lucky. She never thought she would find this connection with someone again. She never expected to find herself feeling happy every again. She looked at Clarke fondly, silently thanking the girl for letting Lexa love her. Lexa needed it.

 

Clarke had brought Lexa back to life.

 

She heard a soft groan come from Clarke as she watched the gorgeous bombshell shift her head to block the light from her eyes. Lexa wanted nothing more than to just soak the moment in. She remained quiet trying not to disturb the blond.

 

She felt Clarke's body stretch and stiffen slightly before relaxing into Lexa again. Lexa felt Clarke's arms press into her a little tighter, hugging her closer. Lexa closed her eyes and took a few deep breathes trying to soak it all in.

 

She must have dozed off again in her contentment because the next thing she knew she was being poked in the ribs gently. She giggled as she woke up because the movement tickled her. She opened her eyes to find Clarke's blue ones locked to her.

 

Clarke smiled wide, "Well  _that_  was adorable miss big bad commander," she stated.

 

Lexa tried to hide her embarrassed smile and tried to change the subject, "I thought last night was a dream."

 

She ran her hand along Clarke's shoulder and down her back. Trailing lines down her spine. She felt Clarke move in response to the movement and Lexa knew she was enjoying it. Lexa continued her movements smiling fondly at Clarke.

 

"I've never had  _that_   _good_  of a dream before," Clarke said coyly.

 

Lexa laughed lightly, "Nor have I." She meant it. Last night was incredible. A stroke of luck Lexa never thought she'd have. A stroke of fate had brought the two together and now Lexa never wanted to be without her.

 

She had spent 3 months agonizing over what she had done to Clarke, telling herself she'd never get forgiveness because she didn't deserve it, 3 months resigning herself to the fact that she'd never see her again. Now that she had her, now that she had found solace with Clarke she wasn't going to ever give it up without a fight. She would do everything in her power to keep the girl she loved safe. 

 

_This time,_  fate will work in her favour. It'd have to.

 

Lexa and Costia had fooled around but they had never explored the areas that Clarke and Lexa shared last night. Lexa found herself worshipping Clarke's body more than once, just yearning to make her as euphoric as Lexa felt being with her. She had taken the cues from Clarke, she wasn't entirely surprised that the girl seemed more fluent than Lexa in this new form of physical expression.

 

Last night Lexa had lost her virginity to Clarke and they both knew it. Clarke had coached Lexa through some moments but never made her feel embarrassed or that she was doing something wrong. In fact, Clarke seemed to thoroughly enjoy what Lexa had been doing all night.

 

Lexa had never experienced the realms of pleasure Clarke introduced her to. The whole night was so unexpected. She felt herself falling more in love with her every second and she embraced it. It didn't scare her. Her feelings for the girl were making her feel stronger in every moment they spent together.

 

They looked into each others eyes revelling in the moment and the silence surrounding them, before Lexa decided she couldn't wait any longer, "I love you Clarke." She had to tell her, she felt like she had to yell it from the tower's balcony. She had to let Clarke know again and again how she felt.

 

Clarke smiled at her words; she blinked slowly before she returned the sentiment. The words and Clarke's beautiful face making Lexa move and bring her lips to Clarke's again, pulling her close into an embrace.

 

A knock came at the door that broke the girls apart. Clarke groaned at the interruption and Lexa smiled, their lips just slightly apart. LExa stole another kiss before removing herself from under Clarke and finding a robe. Clarke rolled over and pulled the covers up over her head before she ripped them down and sat up staring at Lexa with wide eyes.

 

"Shit, I can't be here!" she hissed.

 

Lexa only smile at the girls reaction, " _You_  can,  _you_   _are_  and you're not leaving until  _you_  wish."

 

Clarke groaned again as she grabbed the furs and wrapped them around her naked body as she got out of the bed. She began walking towards Lexa with a funny grin on her face, as she was walking past she put out her hand and trailed her fingers along Lexa's robe covered shoulders, the movement with her arm allowing the fur to drop to the floor as Clarke walked past. Lexa's jaw dropped as she watched the girl continue on and head into the bathroom, her naked ass skipping in before the door closed softly.

 

Lexa made a stupid gesture with her hand to physically close her mouth as she shook her head to snap out of it. She cleared her throat and headed towards the door. She opened it to find Octavia beaming at her.

 

"Hi! Do you know where Clarke is?"

 

Lexa bit her lip and shot a quick glance to the bathroom door. She looked back to Octavia to find the girls smile had changed to grin as she rolled her eyes.

 

"If you  _happen_  to run into her, will you let her know I heard from Raven."

 

Before Lexa could say anything Clarke was at her side in a robe as well. She popped her head out so Octavia could see it, ignoring Octavia's knowing glances between the two of them; Lexa felt her cheeks grow hot as she then turned and headed to the bathroom herself. Clarke would fill her in after and she really did not want to be present for the remaining awkward looks and unsaid truths.

 

 


	33. The Hope

 

After they all had breakfast Clarke and Octavia followed Lexa to the bottom floor of the tower. Lexa led them to the courtyard where she left them to chat before heading to the group of nightbloods waiting for her.

 

Clarke listened to Octavia ramble about nothing in particular, as her eyes followed Lexa. She watched as the girl tenderly greeted the nightbloods and Clarke smiled as she saw Lexa tussle a blonde boys hair and laugh. After speaking with them for a few moments Clarke watched as they paired up to begin sparring. She watched as Lexa coached them, not unlike how she had coached Clarke with her sword. Clarke's goofy grin widened as she felt Octavia clip her in the arm.

 

"Hey are you even listening to me?"

 

Clarke looked away from Lexa to address Octavia, "No."

 

Octavia smiled and rolled her eyes. "Listen Griffin, we need to figure out what we are going to do about Arkadia. Raven said they have sent parties to the mountain to set up a second base."

 

Clarke nodded, "I know. It's…problematic…I'm not sure what to do."

 

"Well you better figure it out because Pike and Bellamy are screwing up everything."

 

Clarke looked away suddenly ashamed for how she had spent the morning staring and thinking about Lexa versus paying attention to their problem at hand. She felt Octavia's hand on her arm and she looked back to the girl.

 

"I'm sorry Clarke. That didn't come out right."

 

"It's okay. You're right. They are going to get people killed. We have to do something." Clarkes mind began to whirl thinking of solutions, trying to give them options. She hoped Lexa had been thinking of options as well. She needed her advice. She needed her guidance and wisdom. Clarke was currently at a loss.

 

They were extremely fortunate to have an inside woman at Arkadia through Raven. She had told them that Kane and Abby were being held in lockup for being resistant to Pike's movement. Bellamy hadn't told Pike about Raven helping Clarke and Octavia escape. A piece of the boy she once knew still remained. She had to believe that much.

 

"What if we went to the mountain? Or what it we went to Arkadia, wherever Pike isn't. Maybe we can try to talk to everyone without the hard core ones that are loyal to Pike? They had to have sent the strongest believers in Pike to the mountain. He's not stupid he knows the grounders have eyes on it." Octavia blurted out trying to help.

 

"That's the problem. He is too smart. He would leave some behind that were loyal to him for sure, if what Raven is saying is true there are some in Arkadia that are on our side, he wouldn't leave it unguarded against another mutiny."

 

Octavia went silent again as the two of them watched Lexa and the nightbloods.

 

Clarke's breath caught in her throat as Lexa finished and began walking towards them. She watched as the light danced on her hair. She licked her lips slightly as she noticed small beads of sweat trickling down the brunette's neck. She felt Octavia's elbow ram into her ribs as she said, "look alive Griffin."

 

Clarke snapped out of her slow motion daydream of Lexa walking towards them. She smiled at her when Lexa smiled. It was contagious. As worried and as scared as Clarke felt about her people she couldn't ignore that she was in the presence of true love, she let it fill her up and give her courage. She could feel her train of thought clearing as Lexa closed the distance.

 

"So, have you thought of a way to save your people?" Lexa said knowingly.

 

Clarke shook her head, "not yet, but I am seeing things more clearly."

 

Lexa nodded and addressed Octavia, "how do you feel about going for a hunt?"

 

Octavia beamed, "Let's do it!"

 

Lexa turned to Clarke looking for confirmation she too wished to go, Clarke nodded and began walking to the stables. Lexa and Octavia followed.

 

They rode out of Polis and into the expanse beyond the city. They followed the shoreline of the sea before Lexa led them off the worn path. "This way." She told them.

 

The two girls followed.

 

They spent the afternoon hunting. Octavia had brought down a stag while Lexa mostly focused on teaching Clarke how to use a bow. She had gotten fairly good at it when Lexa told them they should make their way back now. Night was beginning to fall when they got back to the tower. The three girls ate together before bidding Octavia goodnight.

 

"I'll have a plan tomorrow. I'll think of something." Clarke told her wrapping the small girl in a quick hug before turning to catch up with Lexa.

 

Clarke reached out and grabbed Lexa's hand as they made the rest of the way to the top floor. Clarke followed as Lexa led them into her room once more. Clarke smiled, she didn't want to leave her. She just wanted to be beside her like that's where she was meant to be all along.

 

They got cleaned up from their trip outside the city and Clarke crawled up next to Lexa in the bed. She leaned her head against the girls shoulder as Lexa lowered her book. Clarke felt Lexa place a soft kiss on Clarke's forehead. Clarke sighed at the sweet moment. She brought her hand down to Lexa's and wove their fingers together.

 

Clarke took a deep breath. "I have to go back."

 

She felt Lexa go slightly rigid before separating herself slightly so she could look at Clarke questioningly, "it's not safe."

 

Clarke nodded, "No, but I still have to go. I have to try."

 

Lexa swallowed but before she could say anything Clarke spoke again, "You have done so much, so much for me, so much for my people. I owe it to you to try to stop this nonsense. I owe it to you to try and preserve your legacy, I have to get them to see reason. They have to know they don't stand a chance against you and the ice nation. If I can get them to stop following Pike, if I can get them on board to follow you…we could put an end to the Ice Nation together…once and for all. Our technology, our medical supplies and your people's war tact and knowledge of this world, we can bring peace to them all."

 

She tried to ignore the fact that it would mean killing more people to achieve such peace.

 

Lexa shook her head, "Clarke, you already tried to get to Bellamy. It didn't work, what makes you think it'll work this time?"

 

Clarke sighed and leaned back into Lexa's shoulder clasping her hand tighter with Lexa's, "Hope," she said quietly.

 


	34. The Inside Out

 

The next day Octavia, Lexa and Clarke were on their horses along with 200 warriors in tow. They were heading to Arkadia, the warriors would be left a quarter of a mile back from the camp to prevent any unnecessary ruffled feathers. They were brought along for protection only, not to be an assault team. Lexa had sent the other ambassadors back to their clans to let them know the state of affairs. Their armies were expected to show at both the area surrounding Arkadia and Polis.

 

When they had reach the quarter mile mark Lexa signalled to the warriors to halt their march. She left word with the man in charge and Clarke left him the radio. She was going to get a second from Raven allowing them all to contact each other. Lexa, Octavia and Clarke rode on further before coming to find Lincoln and a small group of warriors. He led them to the path leading to the escape route from Arkadia that Clarke and Octavia had used last time. They silently made their way through the hole and into the vents. They hopped out in the medical bay again. Clarke quickly rushed around grabbing things they might need and stuffing them into a pack. She followed Lexa and Octavia into another set of vents leading to Raven's area.

 

The three girls hopped out and greeted Raven quietly.

 

"Woah, Clarke." Raven said as Clarke hopped out of the vent. "I dig your grounder gear. That's a hot look."

 

Clarke blushed remembering she was wearing leathers, daggers and Lexa's sword on her back.

 

Octavia jumped right in, "Where's Monty and Jasper?"

 

"They're in lock up with Abby and Kane. Something's changed. Pike has been acting increasingly shady since I last spoke to you. Something's happened." Raven warned.

 

"You don't know what that is?" Lexa asked her.

 

Raven shook her head, "No, but I can tell you it is most definitely not a good thing. Pike vocal about certain things is scary, but Pike silent about others is worse. He shot Monty's mom point blank yesterday morning for questioning him." A tear dripped from her eye as she said it. "That's why Monty and Jasper were locked up, they started causing trouble in the chaos trying to get at Pike."

 

Clarke swore and Octavia chucked a piece of metal she had been playing with.

 

Raven shot a look at her, "Hey! Respect the space please." Octavia rolled her eyes as Raven smiled. "Only I am allowed to destroy things I then have to fix in here."

 

"Raven, I have to go to the mountain. I have to stop them," Clarke piped up.

 

Raven nodded and began to move to another desk, Clarke watched as each movement seemed to pain the girl. Clarke followed her to the new desk. "It just so happens I may be able to help with that…"

 

Clarke knew where this was going, "and the problem is…"

 

"Well I have a habit of making things go boom and if I make the mountain go boom there will be no more mountain. Period."

 

Clarke nodded, "What's the problem? How big of a damage zone?"

 

Raven pulled out the mountain schematics that had been brought to the Ark during a supply run, "Well, I definitely do not have enough rocket fuel to blow the thing to hell BUT I believe we could toy with the computer systems and make their missiles self destruct."

 

Clarke looked at the schematics and back to Raven, "how many missiles?"

 

Raven shrugged, "that's the thing…until I have eyes on the system I can't tell for certain. They let one drop on TonDC and it left a pretty big hole in the ground so… if it's more than one I'm thinking the mountains bunker structure might collapse on itself before finally filling in the mines."

 

Octavia piped up, "Well hell lets do it."

 

Clarke looked up from her to Lexa and back to Octavia, "A lot of people could die…"

 

Octavia nodded, "we will try to get them all out Clarke."

 

Raven then piped up, "They chose this Clarke. They knew making a move on the mountain would cause issue with the grounders. They did it anyways. The people there voted for Pike to be in charge, they followed him blindly believing his bullshit about being destined to rule the earth. Seriously Clarke, they're all fucked up if they fell for his shit."

 

Clarke stiffened, thinking hard about this course of action.

 

"These are the same people that killed Lexa's people in the woods that were watching for Ice Nation surrounding the Ark Clarke."

 

"Blood must have blood," Raven replied bitterly flashing a glance at Lexa. Clarke's mind raced back to when Raven had been accused of trying to poison Lexa. Lexa bowed her head apologetically.

 

Clarke swallowed, and spoke trying to break the tension, "Okay, let's do it. I need a second radio, we left one with a group in a quarter mile back, when we give you the signal you contact them. They'll come and help free anyone not loyal to Pike. What do I need to get into the computer system?"

 

Raven rustled around with some gear before handing it to Clarke. "Plug this in, it will let me ghost their systems and hack into the missile locks…one more thing, I'll need Monty.

 

Clarke nodded and looked to Octavia. "I can get him out," Octavia said to Clarke's silent question. Without another word she had left through the vents heading to lockup.

 

Clarke continued to watch Raven tinker on the new radio and sync it to the frequency they had been using on the secure channel. Before they knew it they had Octavia stepping out of the vent with Monty, Jasper, Kane and her mom in tow.

 

Jasper looked horrible, but sober. Monty looked tired, sad but strong. She hugged them all quickly, thankful they were okay.

 

"I'm coming with you." Jasper said surprising Clarke.

 

"Jasper are you sure?" Monty asked.

 

Clarke knew Jasper hadn't been to the mountain since Clarke had killed them all. She shifted her glance to Lexa and felt herself inch closer to her. She needed the strength her presence gave Clarke. Lexa put her hand on Clarke's shoulder and gave it a squeeze encouraging Clarke. Clarke tried to ignore the exchange of glances between Kane and Abby at Lexa's touch.

 

"We could use a gunner." Clarke admitted smiling at Jasper.

 

Jasper nodded, "None of us is innocent. They chose to go there, they knew the risks. They knew the consequences."

 

"Well maybe not  _all_ the risks. They only feared a grounder assault…not an assault from me." Raven said matter of factly trying to cut the tension.

 

Clarke smiled along with everyone else. "Okay gear up, let's get this over with."

 

Abby hugged Clarke again quickly before she and Kane headed out in another set of vents to gather supplies and weapons and other people that were on their side.

 

When they were about to leave Clarke looked back to find Lexa standing in front of Raven. Clarke paused as Jasper and Octavia got into the vent.

 

"I gave my men orders to march on your word Raven, you only have to announce yourself. They will come to aid you."

 

Raven nodded, "I got it. I got  _this._ " She shot a glance at Clarke before looking back to Lexa, "Keep her safe."

 

Lexa smiled and reached to squeeze Raven's hand, "You have my word Raven." Clarke heard the sincerity in her tone and noted that Raven had too.

 

Without another word Lexa was at Clarke's side holding out a hand to assist Clarke into the vent.

 

Clarke looked back at Raven as she accepted Lexa's help, Clarke saw Raven roll her eyes at the two of them, "Geez you two need to get a room." Her tone half disgusted half joking.

 

Clarke couldn't even respond before Lexa stole the words right out of her mouth, "We have one." Clarke froze as she stared at Lexa in shock of her sense of humour as Raven burst out laughing. It was infectious as Clarke giggled and shot into the vent with Lexa in tow behind her.

 

 


	35. The Fall

 

The foursome made their way into the woods. Finding Lincoln they added two more to their party. Six of them were heading on the trek to the mountain. From their location it would be an 8 hour trip to reach the entrance they would try to sneak in from. Octavia and Lincoln were leading with everyone else spread quite out behind them hoping to be less visible than trekking in a pack. Clarke remained at Lexa's side, never venturing too far from her.

 

Clarke began to think about their plan,  _it had to work,_ she thought. Maybe we should split up? Maybe we have a better chance taking two entrances? Clarke began to run her mind back to her maps of Mount Weather. Two of them could go through the mines, four of them could use the other entrance by the radio tower, meet in the control room taking out whoever they came across if it came to that. If we all go to the same door, we may lose everyone, if we split up we may be picked off one by one…

 

Clarke could feel herself starting to panic. She shook her head trying to make sense of it. She felt Lexa's hand on her arm gently pull her to a gentle stop. "Clarke?"

 

Clarke looked up, "Something's not right, I'm missing something."

 

"Plans don't last long in battles rememeber?"

 

Clarke shook her head, "This isn't a battle…not yet anyways. Right now this is a covert operation, and I can't help but think we are doing something wrong."

 

Lexa walked in front of her to face her, she still had one hand on Clarke's arm and the other she reached up to raise Clarke's head. "What are your instincts telling you? Stop and listen Clarke."

 

Clarke looked into the deep green of Lexa's soft eyes. She saw love and understanding reflecting back, Clarke took a a few deep breathes. She was glad when Lexa didn't push her further. Clarke shut her eyes and tried to listen to her gut.

 

Her eyes flew open a few minutes later, "We need to split up."

 

Lexa turned to the man that had come along with Lincoln and sent him to tell the other's to gather really quickly.

 

"Woah, just like that? You haven't even heard why?" Clarke asked staring at the man as he ran off.

 

"You know this mountain Clarke while I am blind to the insides. I trust you…and I also trust your instincts."

 

Clarke smiled briefly as the other jogged back to them. They talked in hushed tones before deciding on a new course of action. They decided blowing the mountain would be the last resort. The medical supplies and the facility may just come in handy to both SKaiKru and grounders alike. Their priority would be taking the control room and security where they could monitor and control the member's of Pike's team. The first team would enter through the ruins by the radio tower. Maybe all they would need is Pike. If they took care of Pike everything may solve itself. No more Pike there would be no more hate speech and fear mongering. So based on this reasoning a second team was heading in through the dam to find Pike.

 

They split in three's, Jasper and his gun was going with Lincoln and his friend to the control room to get access to the systems. Octavia, Clarke and Lexa were going for Pike. They split and headed off in separate directions. Octavia led the way, eyes peeled and weapon out ready to strike. Clarke left hers in her scabbard until they could see the dam. It was there that Lexa and Clarke both drew their swords as well. They silently made their way up from the roaring river to the cement dam. Octavia broke the door handle and charged in to the hallway that would lead them to the mountain.

 

They found no one at the dam. They began heading farther into the mountain towards the bunker before movement ahead of them made them stop. "Shit!" Octavia hissed.

 

There was someone opening the door ahead of them. Octavia crouched into a shadow and froze, Lexa and Clarke just flattened themselves against the wall of the hallway trying to be less detectable. The man shut the door behind him and began walking. He was heading straight for Lexa and Clarke, Clarke could see a machine gun in his hands and her breath hitched she shot a warning glance at Lexa silently telling her not to move. They were sitting ducks in this hallway. The man slowed his pace as though he noticed them but before he could raise his scope Octavia shot out of her position and sliced the mans neck so deep no gasp escaped him before he fell.

 

Clarke and Lexa left their position and ran to close the distance. Octavia waited for them keeping watch at the door, "They wouldn't have sent only one down this way, keep your eyes peeled."

 

Clarke nodded and dashed in the held open door, Lexa followed before they heard Octavia lightly shut the door behind them. They ran but didn't see anyone else. There was a split in the hallway where the girls stopped running to catch their breath. Clarke froze. She looked back from one path to the other. "I don't...I don't remember which way."

 

Octavia pulled out a small book from her side pocket and handed it to Clarke and said smugly, "Good thing we have a map."

 

Clarke smiled and breathed a sigh of relief as she opened the book,  _Lincoln._  She said a silent thank you to the man and began peering over his map of mount weather trying to find their route. Folding up the map she pointed, "This way." And she headed off down the right path. They kept running turning left and right where Clarke told them too. Clarke paused briefly as she passed the dam's opening where she and Anya had jumped. Clarke swallowed at the memory and forced her emotions down as she quickened her pace.

 

Then they heard it. The sound of boots on cement. Lots of boots, in fact, the sound of heavy footfalls hitting the ground echoing towards the girls, "They're running, we need to go back!" Octavia hissed in fear.

 

Clarke panicked as she saw Lexa begin to surge forward, "Lexa! No!" Clarke lurched forward grabbing her arm and pulling her to a stop. "They have guns, lots of guns we're sitting ducks! They'll shoot you on the sight! We have to go back!"

 

Lexa looked back down the hall towards the sounds before looking back at Clarke, "Please!?" Clarke pleaded in a desperate whisper.

 

Nodding and grabbing Clarke's arm she started to pull Clarke back the direction they had came following Octavia. They turned right and left before Clarke realized they took a wrong turn. They weren't going to be able to hide. She could hear the boots getting closer, she felt her heart pumping so hard it felt like it would leave her chest. Finally they had come to it. A dead end.

 

Clarke ran to the left to an opening above the giant waterfall off the dam. The other two followed her Lexa's hand reaching out and grabbing Clarke's, "Can you even swim?" she asked looking out over the fall before back to the sound of coming boots.

 

Clarke shook her head before looking at her wide-eyed, "No, last time I did this it almost killed me."

 

Before Lexa could respond they froze as voice rang out, "Stop where you are!"

 

Clarke whirled around, and found three men pointing guns at them breathing heavily from their chase.

 

Clarke recognized the first man. It was Emmerson of Mount Weather's security detail.  _What the fuck?_  The other two men were from the Ark, farm station if she remembered correctly. Clarke's voice in the back of her head tried to scramble back to the last time she saw Emmerson. She had thought he had been long gone after his people had died. She watched as he smiled slowly as Clarke recognized him.

 

"Hello Clarke." He said cooly before turning his attention to Lexa, "Hello Commander, long time no see."

 

Clarke's anger bubbled, he was referring to when Lexa made a deal with Cage, before she could respond Lexa was already moving towards Emmerson, she hadn't even taken a step before all hell broke loose.

 

Clarke saw Lexa out of the corner of her eye, the movement drawing Emmerson's arms up to defend himself as a deafening bang rang out and echoed against the cement. Lexa's motion forward stopped. Clarke felt time slow down, she could see it all happening in slow motion. She turned to see Lexa stumble backwards, looking to Clarke and clutching her chest, a tear escaping her eye as she outstretched her free hand towards Clarke. Clarke made to move to grab her but a body landed on her pushing her to the ground. Her fingertips grazed Lexa's as she fell hard to the ground. Clarke never took her eyes of Lexa, she didn't blink as Lexa fell backwards out into the dam's opening.

 

"LEXA!" Clarke screamed! Panic coursing through her body. Burning tears filling her eyes.

 

She saw Octavia quickly go to the edge to look out before taking a few steps back and looking at Clarke. "Clarke?" Octavia shouted in a question Clarke knew what she was asking, what she wanted her to do.

 

"GO!" Clarke screamed in response still struggling under Emmerson.

 

"I'll find her!" Octavia shouted kicking Emmerson in the face and ducking from the grab of his buddies before launching herself out the opening after Lexa.

 

Clarke gasped again for air that wasn't reaching her lungs. Octavia's kick to Emmerson was just the help she needed catching him off guard. She flailed and kicked at Emmerson on top of her before she wrenched the dagger on her thigh that Lexa had given her out and began stabbing furiously at the body on top of her. She didn't know how or when but she had managed to twist herself around for better access. Blood began spurting everywhere and Emmerson's struggles against Clarke lessened. The other two men with him cursed at her and kicked at Clarke's head before ripping Emmerson back and tossing his body to the side. He lay motionless with blood pooling out around his body, a sick twisted smile on his face. Clarke tried to scramble to her feet she had to go after Lexa.

 

As she was getting up she felt two hands grab her and toss her to the ground again hard. Clarke reached out and found the katanna Lexa had given her. Clarke grabbed it and swung at the man slicing his arm open. Blood flew across Clarke's face as she hacked again trying to force herself to her feet. This time the butt end of a rifle connected with her temple and Clarke fell limp dropping the sword. She blinked as she looked out the opening to the dam. Tears running down her face, a tiny whisper of "Lexa" escaped her lips before she blacked out.

 

_Ai hod yu in._

 

 


	36. The Booboo

 

Lexa reached out to Clarke. The burning in her chest told her she had been hit by Emmerson's bullet. She could feel her black blood seeping out onto her armour and into the hand she had on her chest. She stumbled trying to grasp at Clarke's hand. She felt the intense spark that told her she had made contact before Clarke was forced to the ground and Lexa fell back out of the opening and down. Her last image of the girl was Clarke's blue eyes full of panic and despair.

 

She felt like she was falling slowly. The whole incident had moved in slow motion. Emmerson, the man she should have killed on sight, the man who helped her betray Clarke Griffin. She deserved this fate. She deserved to have herself literally ripped from Clarke's fingertips. She deserved to die, falling to her death trying to make up her betrayal to her love.

 

"I'm sorry Clarke." She whispered before everything went black as her body hit the water.

 

To Lexa's surprise she opened her eyes, water was surrounding her, she struggled to breathe. She felt herself being dragged through the ripping current, pulling her under, pushing her against rocks, knocking her around like a rag doll. She tried to grab on to stop the motion but her hand slipped everywhere she placed it. A roar of water buckled her and slammed her hard into a rock pinning her against it and knocking her out.

 

Lexa opened her eyes again, she was on shore. She coughed out some water as she felt hands on her side pushing her to her roll on her left side. She coughed and sputtered out the water and groaned in agony. The bullet wound still burned despite the cool water. Sghe felt the hands lay her back down and start putting pressure on her chest. Lexa looked up to find Octavia soaking wet with smudged war paint breathing heavily.

 

"Just relax, I got you. Try to breathe. Here hold this on tight, keep the pressure on it, I'll be right back."

 

Lexa clutched at the fabric Octavia had placed on the wound.

 

In moments Octavia was back and removing Lexa's armour. She shoved some cool wet weeds into the wound. "This should help, we can slow the bleeding and it'll fight off any infection."

 

Lexa couldn't speak. She couldn't find any words. Where was Clarke? Why was Octavia here and Clarke wasn't? What happened after Lexa fell? Was Clarke alive?

 

A fresh wave of tears began to well in Lexa's eyes. She struggled for breath against the physical and emotional pain before going unconscious again.

 

When Lexa woke she felt herself in motion though she was not moving. She looked around to find herself on a crude gurney being dragged through the woods by Octavia. She heard footfalls in the trees and she struggled against the pain to speak. "Someone is out there."

 

Her voice was barely a whisper but Octavia paused and gently set Lexa down. She rounded to crouch as if she was protecting her. Lexa peered out to where she heard the noises. She saw Lincoln and Jasper coming through the trees. They had lost a member; it was written on their faces, the third member had been lost…just like theirs.  _No. She is not dead._  Lexa's little voice in her head spoke up. It refused to be ignored. It refused to let Lexa give up hope.

 

Lincoln rushed to her side and assessed the wound. He looked at Octavia and Lexa did not miss the look of panic. She knew she was in bad shape. She had lost a lot of blood already. The burning in her chest wasn't abating and she felt increasingly cold and weak. Lincoln quickly flipped her on her side gently. She heard him sigh, before laying her gently back down on her back. She looked at him worried, "it's through and through, if we hurry you should be okay," he said quietly.

 

Lexa felt herself get lost in a memory, of Clarke shooting  _through_  Lincoln to kill the sniper. Lincoln had been okay. Lexa would too with a little luck. Then she could find Clarke… _then I will find Clarke,_ she told herself.

 

She heard Lincoln bark some orders at Jasper and Octavia before she felt herself being lifted by both ends of the gurney and being sped off into the woods away from the mountain. Lexa lost consciousness again.

 

* * *

 

 

"You need to wake up. You need to come back to us. We need you to find Clarke." Lexa heard a woman's voice. Lexa fought through the black and the fog in her head before opening her eyes to find Raven sitting at her bedside.

 

Lexa was in Ark.

 

Lexa struggled to raise her head. "Woah, easy champ, " Raven spoke up laying a hand on Lexa's arm, "you were just shot yesterday."

 

Lexa opened her eyes wide, "Clarke?" she asked questioningly through a dry voice.

 

Raven's smile faded, "here drink." She lifted a cup to Lexa lips and Lexa drank deep.

 

"Clarke?" Lexa demanded again after she swallowed.

 

Raven looked away. "The boys saw what happened on the monitors. They saw you fall and they patched me in to blow the mountain's missiles up. I blew it as they took Clarke out of the dam entrance you had gone through. Lincoln and Jasper escaped through the tunnels barely making it out before they collapsed."

 

Lexa swallowed, "So she's alive?"

 

Raven nodded sadly, "as of yesterday yes…"

 

Lexa could tell that there was more to this story. "What is it?" she demanded a little more forcefully than she intended.

 

Raven flinched at the harsh tone before looking at Lexa, "Pike was there. He took her…along with Bellamy."

 

Lexa stared at her wide-eyed. She didn't believe it, "Bellamy? He took her?"

 

Raven nodded sadly, "Jasper saw them together on the monitor going to assist the guy that knocked her out. She killed Emmerson and the other guy."

 

"Where would they be taking her? To the Ark?"

 

Raven shook her head, "Not likely. Kane and Abby rounded up the troops here and did a mutiny of their own while you in the mountain. Those loyal to Pike were sent beyond the gates with limited supplies." Raven looked at Lexa shrewdly before continuing, "I…I sent a few of your men to follow them, hopefully they lead them to Pike and Clarke."

 

Lexa smiled, and put her hand on Ravens, "Good. That's what I would have done."

 

Raven returned the smile, "We'll find her. As of right now if Pike wants anything from the Ark he needs Clarke alive as a bargaining chip. Your men are going to radio as soon as they know anything."

 

Lexa looked away, her mind drifting back to Clarke. She was so worried but she tried to hide it. She had to get out of this bed and be useful. She made to sit up, while she was in the painful motion she heard the door open and Abby came through.

 

"Hey, hey, hey, don't move."

 

"Abby, I must get out of this bed." Lexa stated flatly.

 

"You were shot, at least let me look you over again."

 

Abby gently laid a hand on Lexa's chest and Lexa let her begin examining her. She checked the wound and redressed it, she checked Lexa's vitals and exclaimed, "It's incredible."

 

Raven looked at her questioningly before Abby took another moment to respond to the girls curious looks.

 

"Your blood is unlike anything I have ever seen. I knew you healed fast but this is remarkable. It's been a day and this wound looks 3 days old."

 

"Nightbloods go back to the first commander." Lexa explained, "Our blood heals us faster than most…among other rumours and myths among my people. Now, when can I get out of this bed?"

 

Abby looked at her curiously before saying, "If you take it easy today you can get up now."

 

With that Raven and Abby helped Lexa get on her feet. They helped her strap on the leathers and armour. Lexa winced with every step but she instantly felt better being able to move around and be useful. She was led out of the medical room by Raven towards Raven's workshop. Lexa sat with raven the rest of the day staring at the radio. Abby popped in a few times to check on Lexa before night fell.

 

Lexa remained with the radio in the workshop long after Raven left to get some sleep.

 


	37. The Captive

 

Clarke could hear voices, she kept her eyes shut. She tried to block out the voices. She kept her thoughts on Lexa. She replayed the scene at the dam over and over as she regained consciousness. The fear and desperation to get to the falling girl gripping her all over again with each repetition. Clarke tried to hold out hope, Octavia had leapt off the dam after Lexa. Clarke had to believe she found her. That somehow she saved her.  _Or at the very least, not let her die alone._ Clarke shuddered at the voice's words in her head.

 

She felt a kick in her side, not painful but not polite either.

 

Clarke shifted in response and her eyes flew open. She was pissed. Her worry, concern and desperation about Lexa quickly bubbling up to anger. Clarke felt how she felt when she killed Emmerson. She stared and practically growled in response to the boot at her side. She tried to ignore that the motion made her sick to her stomache. She must have been out for some time.

 

She was even more surprised when she looked up to see Bellamy.

 

Clarke sighed loudly the anger bubbling with her breath. She tried to stand up before realizing she was bound by her hands and feet. She looked at Bellamy and sneered, "really?" gesturing to the bounds.

 

He shrugged, "Had to make sure the Great Wanheda couldn't do anything." He watched her for a moment before he kneeled down. Clarke shifted at his proximity.  _How could he do this!?_

 

"Just don't struggle and you'll be alright. I promise." Bellamy said quietly looking at Clarke with his sad puppy dog eyes.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes and spat in his face, "Untie me Bellamy! I have to go back, I have to get to..."

 

"Lexa?" Bellamy sneered whipping the spit from his face. "She fell Clarke, there's no way she survived the fall after being shot."

 

She stared at him defiantly, now that the words had come out of his mouth she refused to believe them. She looked away to figure out where she was. They were in the woods with a lot of farm station and few others all holding their guns. Then Clarke saw Pike watching the two of them. He slowly rose and walked over to them. Clarke realized he was carrying the blade Lexa had given to her. To her left was her backpack. She still wore her armour and scabbard. Her daggers were taken from her as well.

 

"Well, Clarke Griffin. I'm glad we found you." Pike said with an air of friendliness in his voice.

 

Clarke glared at him, "Where are you taking me?"

 

Pike smiled, "Well you would be in the mountain if your friends didn't blow it up."

 

Clarke sighed, they had done it. The boys and raven were successful. Clarke took her chance.

 

"You have no moves Pike, there's a war coming, you need the coalitions help or Arkadia will burn!"

 

To her surprise Pike's smile widened, "You think that's my only move? You underestimate me Griffin."

 

Clarke looked from Pike to Bellamy, who remained quiet with his head down.

 

Clarke glared at him before turning her attention back to Pike. "Enlighten me," she said obnoxiously.

 

Pike chuckled before taking a few steps closer, Clarke shot a glance at Bellamy who was now standing up. "You know, I'd really prefer surprising you," Pike said as his boot flew out and knocked Clarke out cold again.

 

When Clarke woke she felt rain hitting her forehead. She was lying in the mud and shivering. She looked around and found that it was dark except for a few fires spread out along the camp she was in. She groaned as she reached up with her hands to rub her head. She was still tied up but no one was around her.

 

Clarke looked around. She had to cut the ties. It was dark enough and the rain was falling loudly, she could escape into the night. She began feeling the ground searching for anything sharp to hack at the ropes. She found a jagged rock and slipped it into her palm before she started ripping into her foot ties with it. It was slow work but she was making progress. She had to stop a few times when some guards walked by, she faked being knocked out again until they were clear.

 

Clarke was no ripping awkwardly into the rope around her wrists. She was struggling and making very slow progress on them. She sipped the rock into her palm to hide it when she heard footfalls behind her. She turned to look. It was Bellamy.

 

"Clarke, here," he said handing out a canteen. Clarke didn't dare raise her arms for it afraid he'd see the beginning of her cuts to the rope. He tossed the canteen beside her with a shrug, "you should drink."

 

Clarke was very thirsty. She decided to swallow her pride and drink. As she did so she felt the cool water enter her. She felt it refresh her senses and clear her head a bit. She set the canteen down. "You've been unconscious for a day."

 

Clarke swore in her head. She had lost a whole day. That meant she was a full day farther from Lexa. Full day farther from Arkadia and the people she cared about. She had been in woods around Arkadia for 3 months she knew the terrain and this wasn't it. Pike wasn't heading back to Arkadia. As to why Clarke could only guess. She assumed he had lost Arkadia to Kane and Abby. Clarke took a deep calming breath trying to straighten out her thoughts.

 

"Clarke. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

 

Clarke looked up at the boy, "Clearly you did a lot to prevent it," she said dryly.

 

Bellamy grimaced and looked over his should before sitting down a few feet from Clarke. "I didn't know this was his plan. He didn't tell any of us."

 

"What plan?"

 

Bellamy looked at Clarke and shook his head. "He didn't trust the grounders, he didn't trust Lexa in command after he found out what she did at the mountain. I only just found out he only didn't trust  _these grounders_."

 

Clarke shot him a questioning look, " _these grounders?"_

 

Bellamy nodded, chancing another look over his shoulder, "Clarke he made a deal with the Ice Nation."

 

Clarke shook her head, "What kind of deal Bellamy?"

 

Bellamy looked at her sad and shook his head, "I'm not sure exactly. I've heard whispering but Clarke think about it, it definitely involves you. Why else would he take you hostage?"

 

Clarke nodded slowly, Bellamy was right. Some part of this had to do with Clarke. She knew the ice nation had placed a bounty on her head. Was Pike trying to collect it?

 

"Bellamy, they'll kill me!" she pleaded. She looked at him wide-eyed she couldn't believe this was happening. "You have to help me!"

 

"I am trying to help everyone Clarke!" he hissed trying to keep her quiet.

 

Clarke froze. That's why he was going along with this. He thought it would save their people. Clarke almost snorted in irony, the both of them were fools. "You can't help anyone Bellamy. You're a pawn, Pike's a pawn and I'm a pawn. This game we're playing isn't even about us. It's about the coalition. It's about bringing Lexa's coalition under the control of the Ice Nation." What a pair of fools this boy and his leader was.

 

"She won't honour your pact when she's in command, she'll wipe you all out." Clarke felt herself separating herself from the Arkers in her statement. She understood why. She was at home with the grounders, she  _was_  a grounder, her home was Lexa… a painful pulse ran over Clarke's chest as she thought of Lexa. She had fallen. She was most likely dead already, the coalition lost, the hope for a life for Clarke gone with her.

 

Clarke felt herself steeling itself over much like how she had when she left those many months ago.

 

She was reinforcing the walls Lexa had tore down, Clarke was becoming less emotional, more cold-hearted by the second.

 

Bellamy remained quiet beside Clarke. No doubt running Clarke's warning through his head. She found his eyes on her when she looked at him. She reflected no warmth in her eyes, there was only pity for the foolish young man. They had no idea what Nia was capable of. She made her own son torture and kill the woman he loved, the woman Lexa loved - just for information that she didn't even receive.

 

Clarke shivered at the thought before taking a deep breath.  _Jus drein jus daun,_ she thought. And then her mind was set. They wanted to bring her to Nia?

 

_Then so be it._

 

 


	38. The Mission

 

 

 

Lexa woke to a soft small hand squeezing her forearm. Lexa groaned as she peeled her head off the cool metal table and looked up. Her chest still hurt but it was mending. She already felt better than yesterday. She heard the soft patter of rain on the Ark.

 

"No word yet huh?" Octavia asked jiggling Lexa's arm again.

 

Lexa sat straight and stretched a bit before standing, she shook her head as she looked at Octavia. She was afraid to speak. Afraid her voice would betray her and reveal how worried and frightened she was.

 

Octavia sighed and gave her a small smile. "We'll find her. We did it before, we can do it again."

 

Lexa tried to return it, resulting in a very awkward half smile half frown. She sat down again staring at the radio.

 

Octavia pulled up a chair and sat with Lexa. She remained silent but Lexa was grateful for the support.

 

"Thank you Octavia, for saving my life."

 

Octavia looked at Lexa, a little surprised, before smiling graciously, "You're welcome Heda."

 

There was a tone of respect there, Lexa smiled half heartedly at the formal term knowing that Octavia was trying to reinforce Lexa's strength.

 

"I have to find her." Lexa said softly, her voice croaking slightly in emotion.

 

Octavia remained quiet but she didn't leave. After a while Abby popped in to change Lexa's dressings on her wound. Abby was even more impressed with the healing rate. She told Lexa she was out of the woods, only thing she had to do now was deal with the remaining pain. Lexa nodded as she took the information in not really listening but looking at Abby and recognising each piece of her that Clarke carried.

 

When she was finished Abby gave Lexa's hand a squeeze and left her and Octavia alone again.

 

That's when hey heard the crackle. It was coming from the radio. They froze trying to listen harder.

 

"R…R..Raven?" a gruff voice asked carefully through the radio. Lexa recognized it as one of her advisors – Ryder. She smiled, this was the same man Lexa had entrusted to watch over Clarke after they made their original alliance. She had faith in him.

 

Octavia grabbed the transmitter and handed it to Lexa showing her how to respond. Lexa pressed the button before she spoke, "Ryder? This is Heda, what news?"

 

A short silence followed before the voice replied, "Heda," he greeted her before continuing, "Wanheda is being held prisoner by sky people, we have crossed the border into Azgeda territory."

 

Lexa froze. She went ice cold. She felt her heart stop in her chest.  _Not again…_  her breath hitched as her heart began pounding violently again. "How far?" she demanded into the little box.

 

"Two days journey from you. They will arrive to Queen by dusk tomorrow."

 

Lexa looked at Octavia who spoke first, "I'll get our shit!" And she was off in a full run out the door slipping past Raven who was hobbling in on her brace. She stayed quiet watching Lexa.

 

"We're leaving shortly, we will catch up, stay on their trail and radio with updates."

 

"Yes Heda."

 

Lexa snuck a glance at Raven before looking back at the little box and speaking, "Ryder?" she said softly, more Lexa less commander.

 

"Heda?" Ryder's voice came back through a crackle in the frequency softer than the warriors normal voice.

 

Lexa pressed the button and paused before she spoke, she opened her mouth and closed it twice before she could get the words formed as fear gripped her, "Is she okay?" before she said in an even quieter tone like a prayer, "is she alive?"

 

Ryder responded, "Yes Heda…"

 

Lexa looked at raven who was smiling in relief. Lexa took a deep breath to calm herself, "If anyone makes a move against her they die," she ordered, "We will ride straight through."

 

With that she tossed the transmitter to Raven feeling much better about her chances.  _Not again_  she said to herself with a steely resolve instead of the worry before. She had time. She had to move now. Raven was grabbing some things and told Lexa to wait a second. LExa froze antsy now but listening.

 

"Take this. This too. This… a few of these. And this, this and…this." Raven was saying handing Lexa things. As LExa bobbled them Raven spoke up again, "Woah, careful there, that'll probably go boom," she said catching the item Lexa did drop before it hit the ground.

 

Lexa looked at her with wide-eyes before glancing down at what was in her hands. There was small cyclindar items and hand guns and even a larger gun, Lexa panicked and set it all down on the table.

 

Raven looked at her with screwed up eyebrows, "What did I just say?"

 

Lexa ignored her, "We can't use your guns."

 

Raven rolled her eyes, "You are going into enemy territory with swords versus swords  _and guns._ Trust me, you'll need my toys."

 

Lexa shook her head, "Grounder lore…it's not how we do things," she began before closing her mouth. Grounder lore was about the mountain. They couldn't pick up guns to defend themselves against the mountain without all of them dying. That was the legend… _but the mountain has fallen_.

 

Raven raised her eyebrows confused, "well maybe it's time you change the way you do things?"

 

Lexa nodded motivated by Raven and the logic that the mountain fell, hell they even blew it up. "Never-mind, give them here," Lexa said resolved that this would work. They needed the advantage.

 

Raven began piling the items into a bag for Lexa before slinging the large gun over Lexa's good shoulder. "Octavia will teach you how to use these," Raven said pointing at the cylinders that apparently would go boom, "Jasper can help give you a run down on the guns."

 

Lexa nodded as she adjusted the strap on her shoulder and hoisted the bag. She was surprised to find Raven stepping closer and wrapping her arms around her in an awkward hug. Lexa tried to adjust so she could reciprocate some how and she managed to get her hand on Raven's back before the mechanic pulled back and looked seriously at Lexa before smiling, "Go get our girl back."

 

Lexa nodded, afraid to speak, afraid to give any false promises. She didn't know if that was for Raven's sake or her own. She turned and left the room without another word.

 

She found Octavia in the medical bay loading up her gear. Lexa set the stuff Raven had given her down with dull thuds. Octavia raised her eyebrows, "A gift from Raven," Lexa said quietly.

 

"Okay Lexa, Okay!" Octavia said excitedly nodding her head looking at their dangerous new weapons, "let's fucking do this!"

 

Octavia's warrior spirit connected with Lexa's in this moment. Lexa felt her worry slowly turn into a determined resolve. They geared up, Lexa strapped on her sword and daggers. Her and Octavia then walked side by side out of the Ark to the grounds. People were gathering, news of the rescue mission had spread. Octavia beamed at Lexa, "This is going to work."

 

She led Lexa to Kane where he and a number of men were gathered. "Commander," he greeted her.

 

Lexa nodded in response, "Chancellor Kane."

 

Kane smiled and began to speak, "I have an idea," he said pulling Lexa to the side and whispering his plan in her ear. She nodded agreeing it was a good course of action. They split and went to inform their people, Octavia remaining at Lexa's side.

 

Lexa led the way into the woods where her people were waiting. "We march to Ice Nation. We have reports that Wanheda has been captured. We take a small group with us, the rest of you are staying with the sky people to await the rest of our army. When the Ice Nation army arrives, lay waste to them all!"

 

Her speech ended with and eruption from the warriors around her. Shouts and hollers carried through the trees. War drums began to beat as her army spread out to their positions. Indra instructed a group to head to Arkadia to defend the inner compound as Kane had sent out a large group of men to join them in the woods with their guns.

 

Lexa rounded up her best warriors to join them on the mission. She had Octavia and Lincoln instruct the few that would carry the guns. They proved to be quite good with them after a few minutes practice. It would be quite different in the heat of the battle but at least they had another option if they couldn't get close enough to use their swords and axes.

 

She sent archers on ahead of them before hopping on a horse beside Octavia. They set off at a fast pace. Not willing to waste another moment. As they galloped into the rain Lexa watched Octavia weave her horse through the trees like she had been doing it all her life. She looked so much like one of Lexa's grounder warriors it was unreal. She looked at the Blake girl beside her and she began to wonder how two siblings could be so different, how they could land on opposite sides of a battle and how that would change their relationship forever.

 

Her thoughts ran back to Clarke. How they had been on opposite side, how they had looked past their differences and found so many similarities. How they had used them to bridge the gap to understanding and friendship and watching it bloom to love. Lexa spurred her horse on harder. Pleading with the beast to go faster driving forward into the pouring rain and darkness. The thought of Clarke, the thought of how much she loved Clarke, how her whole heart belonged to Clarke giving her hope that she would find her, alive and well. She couldn't feel the rain, she couldn't feel her clothes being drenched in the liquid, she couldn't feel the cool nights chill pinging against her cheeks.

 

All she could feel was the warmth emanating from her pounding heart at the thought of Clarke.

 

_Ai hod yu in, Clarke._

 

 


	39. The Introduction

 

Clarke's legs were sore. They had already travelled another day. She didn't speak to anyone.

 

Bellamy had given her a coat that had a fur sewn into it, as a grounder winter jacket. Clarke put it on over her leathers and armour before Bellamy retied her bindings on her wrists. Oddly he strapped pack and her scabbard from Lexa to her back again.

 

Clarke didn't question it. He had finally decided to make her walk as well. He had left her bindings off her legs when he found she had cut them again in the night. She knew he also kept his mouth shut about her cutting the bindings. Clarke could only assume he was feeling guilty for holding her captive. They had been walking since daylight. She had stumbled and fallen a few times as the terrain got increasingly more difficult to travel on as they got further North. She shrugged Bellamy off whenever he attempted to help her up.

 

He stayed quiet since their conversation the other night. Clarke didn't fail to notice that he was staying close. He was never more than a few feet ahead or a few feet behind her. She wasn't sure what his motives were but she was sure Pike had told him to keep an eye on her. They walked right through to dusk when she began to see warriors. First archers then more men the farther they walked. They all wore furs and white war paint. Clarke's breath hitched when she noticed detailed scars like Roan had had etched into their faces.

 

Two large men approached Pike and a man at his side. They spoke in hushed tones before motioning the group further. Pike and his men began walking, they all kept their weapons ready but pointed down.

 

Clarke heard murmurs as they passed into the Ice Nation camp. Nothing more than whispers but she knew she had heard 'Wanheda' more than once. She hung her head, her past coming back once again to bite her in the ass. She was now being dragged by Bellamy as her feet were struggling to move forward. She didn't want to go any further. She didn't want to admit it but she was afraid. Her determination was wavering with every step.

 

Clarke didn't know how she was going to get loose to follow through on her plan. She started to wish she had escaped in the night instead of going along with this foolish idea. She thought back to Lexa. She missed her, she needed her, she wanted to see her alive and well but she knew it was useless. Even if Lexa was alive there was no way she would come to get her. Lexa had been through this before, for the good of their people she wouldn't come to rescue Clarke.  _She's dead._  Clarke shivered as the voice in her head spoke up. For two days it had gone back and forth from giving her hope to giving her a crushing weight of defeat. It made her feel dead inside.

 

Despair was now choking her, her breathing was ragged. Bellamy pulled her along, keeping her on her feet. She let him guide her along, she let him help her up when she fell. She was lost in her thoughts, the scene around her disappearing the more she thought about Lexa. She saw her face, she saw the soft shape of her brow, the sharp lines of her jaw and elegant neck. The image looked like a painting in her minds eye, the beauty making Clarke's heart race. Clarke opened her eyes. That's why she had come. That's why she hand't escaped when she had her chance. She was doing this for Lexa. She felt her determination come back, she felt the pain in her legs lessen as the adrenaline began to course through her veins.

 

The came closer to what looked like a camp to Clarke. There were fires layed out sporadically, but burning bright and large as dusk was falling quickly. More and more people were coming out of tents to view the party entering their camp. They were led deeper into the folds before coming to a halt outside a large tent.

 

It looked like Lexa's except for the white Azgeda hand prints caking its outside. Clarke watched as Pike and his men argued outside the tent with the two grounder guards. Finally the one pulled a blade and stabbed the man beside Pike in the heart letting him fall to the ground. Pike looked at the man who killed his buddy before turning to face the rest of the group.

 

"Guns down people, we enter without weapons," he said loudly.

 

Clarke shook her head,  _fools,_  she thought.

 

Three men in Pike's group laid their weapons down outside the tent and followed him in. The others kept their weapons and were ushered to one of the closer fires to get warm. Bellamy placed his weapon down next reluctantly all the while keeping his grip on Clarke. It was tight and painful but Clarke couldn't ignore his worried glances. 

 

 _Good,_ she thought, _you should be worried._

 

She shot him a serious look, one that said be on your guard. She breathed out heavily as he nodded in response. He understood.

 

She was ushered in behind him and shoved to the front of the group before the man kicked her knees from behind and she fell to the ground painfully.

 

And then she saw her.

 

A chill ran through Clarke as she rose her head to take in the woman before her. Clarke felt her steel grey eyes piercing her, raking over her body as the woman smirked and stood like royalty. She wore grey clothes adorned with furs, she had what appeared to be crown made of bones on her head. Clarke saw the deep scars on her forehead but they seemed to add to her beauty. The woman was terrifying but beautiful.

 

"So this," Nia looked away from Clarke briefly and set her eyes on the tent as she spoke and silence surrounded them, "is the Mountain slayer." She looked back at Clarke with a disgusted smirk, "this," she gestured with a wave of her hand, "is the powerful Wanheda…The Commander of Death." The surrounding camp laughed loudly mocking Clarke and her grounder title, she lowered her head, she couldn't see how she could get free and make any moves.

 

Clarke kept her head down, refusing to look at the woman again. She felt a solid fist strike her in the face.

 

"You will look at her when she speaks to you!" the man who cracked her said.

 

Clarke gritted her teeth. The fist from the man had knocked sense back into her; she was stubborn and she would find a way… She raised her chin defiantly, refusing to let it lessen her, instead deciding to take pride in her title. She found herself slowly rising to her feet again.

 

Today, she  _would command death._

 

_Jus Drein Jus Daun._

 

 


	40. The Proposition

 

 

 

Lexa and company rode straight through only stopping to water the horses. The group they were tracking was easy to follow. Not being grounders they had left obvious signs of their travels everywhere. She group rarely slowed to a walk to find the trail. The terrain was beginning to get rougher the farther they went. It had been two days already with no sign of the group. By the time they would catch up the group would be in the Azgeda camp.

 

Lexa tried not to think about what could be happening there. She tried to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. They had hoped they would catch them before entering the camp. Now they were getting dangerously close. They would have to abandon their steeds and go the rest of the way on foot. The archers were already off their mounts. The group had passed them a few hundred yards back.

 

It was dusk, and night was quickly falling in around them as they continued on. They un-mounted when they saw the first archer their men had downed. They tied their steeds and headed further in, silently making their way forwards. Octavia and Lincoln led the way with Lexa not far behind them. They kept their eyes peeled for any signs of Azgeda.

 

They kept walking for over an hour before they finally saw the camp. Lincoln downed two watchmen silently before Octavia took out a third. Lexa signalled to her men to split up, the others making their way to the back side of the camp. Their plan was to cause a distraction and then attack. They had orders to kill anyone resisting. To leave no one alive until Clarke was safe. Lexa wanted blood. She refused to let Nia have her way again. She refused to let the woman steal Lexa's happiness again. One way or another one of them would die today, she had admitted it to herself a long ways back. Before she had even left her horse.  _Jus drein jus daun._

 

Lexa followed Lincoln and Octavia to the left. They kept their eyes peeled for Clarke or any members of Skaikru. They silently went to the first fire and the three of them took out the three warriors by it. They hid their bodies in the shadows. Two more men and then another two were killed as they moved like the night. They made their way farther left before Lexa saw what she knew to be Nia's tent. It was covered in the white handprints of the nation.

 

Lexa tapped Octavia on the shoulder and pointed directing the girls attention to the tent. They saw Skaikru and grounders near the fire beside it, along with guns laying outside the tent. Lexa looked around for any other threats before they made their move. Lincoln had two knives out felling the men closest to him. Lexa and Octavia silently went in and quickly ended the lives of the 3 Skaikru members by the fire. They dragged the bodies into the shadows again and hid themselves. Lexa itched to move to the tent. She couldn't though. She knew she had to wait.

 

And then it happened, "Fire! Fire!" Shouts began to erupt from the far side of the camp. The signal from the second group Lexa had sent to the backside of the camp. They had been successful and started the distraction. In the furry of movement people went every direction never noticing the invaders. Lexa took a few deep breaths watching the chaos ensue. "Come on…Come on" she whispered watching the queen's tent.

 

Finally movement from the tent, three of Nia's men ran out before one popped back into the tent. Lexa grabbed Octavia and shook her head, "Not yet."

 

They waited a few more moments before Bellemy was shoved out of the tent, followed by the grounder, Nia and another man who was dragging Clarke.

 

Lexa's breath caught in her throat. She swallowed a dry hollow sound that came from her mouth. Clarke was limp, she wasn't moving. Lexa felt fury rise in her as Nia spoke out into the night freezing her in the boots. Then she heard gunshots and explosions that drowned Nia's words. It was the grounders from the other side of the camp. They had resorted to the sky people's weapons, something wasn't right. Octavia swore quietly beside her.

 

Lexa looked back at Nia as the woman went to speak again. "I know you're here Natblida!" she shouted loud and bitter.

 

Lexa swallowed. Nia was addressing her. This meant only on thing…

 

_Nia knew._

 

Lexa paused trying to regain herself as panic coursed through her body. She knew why Nia knew she was there. Nia had learned who Clarke was to her. Nia had learned of Lexa's second chance…

 

Lexa stared in disbelief from Clarke to Nia as a evil grin came across the woman's face.

 

"She's very much alive! I haven't killed her…not yet." She shouted out, looking back at Clarke the evil grin still playing on her face.

 

Lexa swallowed at the hollow tone in her voice. She sucked for air. She barely registered Octavia's hand gently lay on her thigh attempting to comfort her, attempting to pass on her own strength and hope. Lexa couldn't take her eyes off of Clarke. She couldn't see any movement, she saw her head hanging limp, her blond hair blocking the view of her face.

 

Nia signalled to the man and he dragged Clarke back inside the tent the other punching Bellamy in the face when he resisted and then forcing him into the tent behind her.

 

Lexa felt her heart stop as soon as Clarke vanished. She turned and glared in Nia's direction.

 

"I tell you what. I won't send this one's head to you!" Nia called out into the night letting her reminder of Lexa's first love ring clear through the night, Lexa swallowed at the memory of receiving the box. "Instead, I trade you: your life for hers."

 

 

 


	41. The Ice Queen

 

 

 

Clarke stood before Queen Nia. She was breathing heavily with the weight of the situation before her. She had Pike, Bellamy and three other Skaikru in the tent along with three of Nia's warriors. Nia was watching her like a hawk.

 

"What is your name girl?"

 

Clarke looked at her and sneered, "Wanheda."

 

Nia laughed coldly. "We may get along yet Skygirl. Now, what do they call you?"

 

It was Pike who answered, "Her name is Clarke Griffin your majesty."

 

She turned to look at him her eyes flashing with hatred before she spoke, "Pike. We should address our business. I promised you peace for the delivery of  _Wanheda_."

 

Pike nodded and swallowed, "In exchange for allowing us use of the mountain yes. The mountain no longer is useful now however, so I feel we should change our terms."

 

Nia breathed in deep before nodding and saying, "I'm sorry I cannot allow that."

 

With that the warrior next to Pike stepped forward and stabbed him in the heart. He twisted the knife before ripping it out and letting Pike fall to the ground. Nia smiled as the Skaikru reacted. Clarke remained calm and still her eyes locked on Nia. The three other men that came in with Pike dropped to the floor with dull thuds. Suddenly Bellamy made his move, he slipped Clarke's dagger out of his sleeve and cut Clarke's bindings.

 

"Clarke Run!" then he had two warriors on him striking him to the ground in two hits and they restrained him.

 

Clarke remained where she was. She was about to make a move when the warrior pulled his blade on Bellamy laying it threateningly against his cheek. Clarke stopped, knowing moving meant he would die, that his last move had been to help Clarke escape. Looked at him as he struggled against the two men. Clarke turned back to face Nia as the woman spoke.

 

"Well that was interesting," she said dryly.

 

She took a couple steps forward to Clarke, "What shall we do here Wanheda?"

 

Clarke swallowed unsure of what to do. She tried to tell her little voice to shut up. She tried to ignore its jabs telling her she couldn't save anyone. She couldn't even save herself.

 

"What do you want from me?" Clarke asked bitterly.

 

"I want you to join me."

 

Clarke looked at Pike and back to Nia, "No thanks I see where being your ally gets you."

 

Nia smiled, "He was greedy."

 

"He was trying to keep his people safe," Clarke found herself defending Pike.

 

"Aren't we all?"

 

Clarke ignored this, "I know what you want. You want the coalition, you want power," Clarke spat out.

 

Nia smiled, "All true. Though, you are missing a few items in there."

 

Clarke remained silent, setting her jaw. She wasn't about to indulge this bitch.

 

Nia traced her tongue against her teeth before speaking again, "I want Lexa dead. I want you to bow to me and then marry my son."

 

"Go fuck yourself." Clarke spoke before she thought. The words flying out of her mouth with force and dripping with attitude.

 

Nia looked at Clarke with a fake shocked bemusement, "Bow to me: the other clans will recognize your allegiance making them lose faith in Lexa meaning they'll join me without bloodshed. You then marry Roan ensuring our legacy to the coalitions throne. You then tell your people to lay down their arms and  _maybe_ I let them live."

 

"And Lexa needs to be dead for you to do this?" Clarke asked glaring at the Nia, she had conveniently left out that bloodshed.

 

"No. That's for me. That's a personal gift." She said beaming proudly as one of the warriors had walked over to her with Lexa's katana. He held it out for Nia to examine. Nia took her eyes off of Clarke and they widened looking at the sword.

 

Clarke was about to react when shouts erupted outside the tent. Nia looked up and listened to the shouts before she looked back down at Clarke and smiled. "I know who you are…" she said quietly. She looked back to the sword and back to Clarke. She seemed to be unsurprised by the shouts coming from outside.

 

_No,_  Clarke thought looking at the sword and back at Nia. She knew. She knew the sword was Lexa's.

 

Nia smiled, "She gave one to her too," Nia said pointing to the bone crown on her head.

 

Clarke shivered and her jaw opened slightly at the shock. She was wearing some of Costia's bones…as a crown.

 

Clarke felt her stomach lurch. She felt sick. She swallowed as she thought  _jus drein jus daun_  and her body was in motion grabbing the sword and slicing up and into the jugular of the warrior. She was about to turn to take out the two on Bellamy when she felt Nia's hilt of her own sword crack her in the back of her head. Clarke fell to her knees and then lost consciousness.

 

* * *

 

 

She regained herself briefly as she was being dragged outside. She could hear Nia calling out. She heard gunshots, maybe even explosions before she blacked out again. When she woke again she was having water splashed on her face. She opened her eyes at the shock to find Roan with her in his mother's tent again. He was helping her sit up, "Come on, you have to get up."

 

Bellamy was unconscious on the floor beside her. The two guards dead. Clarke looked back at Roan, "he's a friend of mine."

 

Roan shrugged "That's why he's still breathing," helping Clarke stand, "he rushed me when I tried to wake you. I don't know why though, I had just killed his two friends for him."

 

Clarke smiled, "Yeah he doesn't always make the best decisions. How did you get in here?"

 

"Same way we are getting out," Roan responded gesturing to a slit he had made in the back of the tent.

 

Clarke paused looking around she grabbed her sword and her pack, she reached in deep and found what she was looking for. She felt the cool heavy metal and she gripped it tight. Her gun. She pulled it out and holstered it under her arm tucked into the leathers Lexa gave her. It felt strange to have it on her again. It felt heavy tucked in to her grounder gear. It felt like it carried the dead with it. She was about to head to the back of the tent when she froze in her tracks. She heard a familiar voice outside the tent.

 

"Where is she?"

 

_"Lexa,"_ Clarke whispered rushing forwards in a panic towards the front of the tent as Roan grabbed her holding her back. She had to see her. She couldn't believe it.  _She's alive?_  How was she here? How was she speaking? What was she doing? Too many thoughts began to run through Clarke's head. She was thankful when she heard Roan speak.

 

"Stop. Wait. Listen." he hissed.

 

"Clarke," a woman whispered behind her, Clarke spun around out of Roan's arms to find Octavia. Lincoln was helping Bellamy to his feet. Octavia wrapped Clarke in a giant hug before Clarke could say anything. Then Clarke's mind started to work again, she was listening to Lexa speak to Nia as she thought of a plan. 

 

_You can do this Griffin,_  her little voice spoke softly but firm, the sight of her friends around her helping her confidence,  _you can save everyone._

 

 

 


	42. The Commander of Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *You are either going to roll your eyes at the last piece of dialogue or you're going to slow clap in approval. I did both...but honestly it was just begging to be written! 

 

Lexa's face fell she hung her head. She took a deep breath. Nia was going to get what she wanted. She was going to have Lexa's head, Lexa's people and Lexa's coalition,  _but she won't have Clarke,_  she told herself.

 

She couldn't abandon the girl. To do that would kill her. Lexa wouldn't survive letting Clarke down a second time. Either way she would die. 

 

 _I vow to treat your needs as my own,_ she reminded herself of her promise to Clarke. She barely made it through last time she left her. She felt like a part of her had been missing since they had been separated again. Her mind rushed back to the countless times she looked out over Polis and thought about stepping off the ledge. Letting the ground meet her to end her suffering.

 

 _I would die a thousand deaths for you,_ she thought. It was another promise she had made to Clarke. Lexa looked down at Octavia and smiled sadly, Octavia shook her head.

 

"No, we'll find another way," she said shaking her head insistently.

 

Lexa shook her head, "There is no other way. If there is, I cannot see it. I'm going to give her what she wants, only when Clarke is free and you are leaving camp. You must get her clear of this. You must get her to safety. Our men are still fighting you can slip away."

 

As if on cue more gunshots rang out into the night.

 

"Let us help you." Lincoln spoke up bowing his head slightly in respect.

 

"You've done enough. You both have," Lexa said laying a trembling hand on Octavia's shoulder. Lexa slowly rose taking a few steadying breathes. At least she could see Clarke one last time. She ignored the sounds behind her of what she could only assumed was Octavia making wild grabs trying to hold Lexa back.

 

She slowly made her way out into the open and into the light of the fire. The warriors that had come to protect the Queen were parting ways allowing her to pass staring wide-eyed at the commander. Lexa noticed how they quickly closed in behind her preventing her from retreating.

 

Lexa held her head high her hand on her sword, poised and ready should anyone make a move against her. She expected it, she knew it was coming she just had to be ready for it. She would at least be smart about surrendering herself.

 

She stopped a few feet away from Nia. "Where is she?"

 

"Who?" Nia asked and Lexa growled.

 

"Where is Clarke? I want to see her. You let her go and when she's safe I drop my sword."

 

Nia sneered at Lexa, "Giving it all up for your weakness  _this time_  are we?"

 

Lexa gritted her teeth trying to ignore the dig, "Lets get on with it shall we?"

 

A warrior darted out from behind her she swung and struck him down before he got close enough to land his weapon. A second moved and she felled him too in one quick strike.

 

Nia held up her hands, halting any more advances. She smiled and Lexa swallowed the urge to use her sword to remove it. She knew doing so would kill Clarke. There were too many warriors around her. She'd never get her out of here alive.

 

Nia made a motion to her men beside her. One headed into the tent and shortly returned dragging Clarke out forcefully. He threw her to the ground at Nia's feet in front of Lexa. Lexa didn't move she watched as Clarke laid limp looking up at her. Her eyes full of warning. Her look telling Lexa not to move. Another silent conversation passed between the two. Lexa saw cuts on Clarke's face, she felt rage fill her as she tore her eyes from Clarke and glared at Nia.

 

"Release her, when she's out of sight I drop my sword."

 

Nia made a sound with her lips like she was scolding a child, "No dear, that's not how this will work. You drop your sword and the girl walks free after. You kneel before me and accept your fate and she goes free."

 

Lexa stared at Nia not giving anything away. She remained silent, she didn't trust Nia, but she was blind to any other option.

 

The man beside Clarke kicked her in the ribs and Clarke gasped in pain before going limp again.

 

"For every moment you resist the more that happens," Nia said coldly as the man kicked Clarke again.

 

"Wait!" Lexa sighed as the man was bring his foot back to strike again. All she knew was she had to stop it. She stepped forward quickly and closed the gap. She fell to her knees more so to get closer to Clarke than to obey Nia. She then laid her blade on the ground in front of Nia's feet. Lexa kept her eyes on Clarke the entire time. Her eyes were burning with unshed tears. She wanted to reach out, she wanted to touch her one last time. She wanted to wrap her in arms and never let her go.

 

"Silly girls," Nia said softly drawing her sword and raising it, "Don't you know that love is weakness?"

 

The question wasn't even out of the Queen's mouth before a flurry of action was taking place. Lexa kept her eyes on Clarke waiting for the blow, in the same instant she watched Clarke's eyes turn dark blue with determination. The blonde twirled on to her back revealing a small hooked blade as she sliced at the man's legs bringing him to the ground in a howl of pain. Lexa heard crashes and gunshots ring out around them as Clarke stood and pulled her gun that was concealed under furs out. She cocked the pin and pointed it at Nia freezing the Queen in her swing and her men in their tracks.

 

Lexa stood up grabbing the sword from Nia's hand, she looked at her for a moment before smiling and answering Nia's question as she turned to look into Clarke's blue eyes, "Not ours."

 

**_BANG_ **

 

 


	43. The Escape

 

Clarke pulled the trigger.

 

Her plan had worked. She was right to send her friends out Roan's escape hole in the tent to watch and react when Clarke made her move. She had then waited alone by the opening of the tent for the man to drag her out. Luckily in his haste he didn't stop to really look at the tent, he didn't notice that Clarke had put her sword back in her scabbard. It had taken every ounce of strength in her to not move before then, to not burst out of that tent and kill anyone close to Lexa. She had to wait; the moment had to be perfect if they were to get out alive.

 

She stared at Lexa while the Queen fell dead to the ground. Lexa had her war paint on but Clarke saw Lexa not Heda. Clarke smiled before she grabbed Lexa and pulled her to her side and Clarke raised her gun. She shot two warriors rushing at them. She felt instantly better with Lexa at her side. She heard Lexa kill one of the men rushing Clarke from behind saving her life. Clarke had her eyes peered out looking for any other threats. Shooting again and again as the warriors came at them and letting them fall to the ground in one shot each. The gun no longer felt heavy, it felt powerful as Clarke used it to defend her love and the people she cared about.

 

She watched as Roan and Lincoln fought side by side. She watched Roan kill three of his own people trying to help his new friends. She watched Bellamy reload and begin blasting his gun at the warriors charging them. She watched as he fended off a warrior who sliced his arm open, he knocked him down and shot him twice before moving on to the next. She saw Octavia appear and disappear as war cries came out of her mouth and warriors fell in her wake.

 

There were bodies falling everywhere. Lexa had picked up her sword, now carrying two and remaining at Clarke's side and watching Clarke's back. Clarke could feel her reaching out making sure Clarke was still there as she fought off the attackers. Clarke emptied her clip and dropped her gun letting it fall into the dirt she smiled. She took out her katana grabbed Lexa's shoulder and pulled her forward with her.

 

All they needed to do now was escape. Clarke looked around wildly, "We need to go, NOW!" She pulled Lexa along with her as they fought their way forward. Clarke didn't know which way to go. She hadn't been paying close enough attention, she never in a million years believed she'd get out of the camp alive.

 

"Clarke! This way," Lexa grabbed Clarke's free hand and pulled her left towards the darkness. "MOVE OUT!" Lexa ordered and Lincoln sounded the retreat on his horn.

 

Clarke looked back and stumbled, she felt Lexa's strong arms swing around her waist and hoist her up, "Run Clarke!"

 

And Clarke ran.

 

She held on tight to Lexa's hand the two running step for step into the night away from the fire, away from the warriors. She saw Lincoln and Octavia dash ahead of them. To her right was Bellamy breathing heavily and holding his right arm, she watched as he would turn and fire more shots at any Azgeda following them. Clarke saw other warriors flee into the woods to her left and right.

 

They ran until they found the horses. All of them breathing heavily as they mounted up. A few of them had to ride together. Lexa hopped up behind Clarke and spurred the horse further into the night not waiting for the others.

 

Clarke leaned back into Lexa on the horse. She felt Lexa lean in and hold her tighter. She felt Lexa's arm pull her close around the waist while the other controlled the horse. Clarke held on to the saddle with one hand and wove her other into Lexa's on her waist. Clarke could feel her breathing come back to normal and slowly their chests began to fall into sync with their breathing. She felt Lexa nuzzle into Clarke's neck and place soft kisses on her skin. Clarke smiled and squeezed Lexa's hand. She wanted nothing more to stop their fleeing and properly embrace her. She heard soft whispers escape Lexa's lips, soft promises that she'd never let Clarke go and that she loved her. Clarke was unsure if it was more to Clarke or herself.

 

She smiled until the moment she fell asleep in the rocking of the horse and Lexa's arms.

 

(She smiled even after.)

 

* * *

 

 

"Clarke, wake up."

 

Clarke opened her eyes. It was daylight. Lexa was still hanging on to her firmly, her breath on Clarke's neck. She placed a few soft kisses on her bare skin. Clarke looked around. There was no one around them, Clarke peered out realizing the sun was setting. They had rode through the night and into the next day. "We've stopped to camp, there's a cave Lincoln uses below us," Lexa whispered softly, her voice dripping with sleep.

 

Clarke nodded but made no movement. She was currently sitting in front of Lexa, resting her back into her chest breathing calmly and looking out over the most beautiful view. She could see for miles, she saw trees on trees rolling out before them, beyond she could see the river and beyond that the mountains of Azgeda. Clarke shivered as the memories of that night came flooding back.

 

She felt Lexa wrap both arms tight around her in a hug. She buried her face in her neck and Clarke's arms wove onto Lexa's around her. "I thought you were dead," Clarke whispered, now thinking of the dam, "when I saw you fall…a part of me went with you."

 

She felt Lexa nod against her neck, "I know what you mean. I too left a piece of me with you when I fell."

 

They remained like that as night fell before Lexa finally let go and led the steed back down from their perch. She dismounted and held out her hand for Clarke. Clarke hopped down and refused to let go of Lexa's hand. She needed to be touching her, she wasn't ready to let go, with everything that had happened she feared she'd never be ready. The thought both thrilled and terrified her in ways nothing else on this earth had as of yet. This was love. This wasn't the puppy love she had with Finn. 

 

 _This was real, risk it all for the one you love type shit_ , Clarke thought smiling as her heart filled with more love at the thought.

 

She followed Lexa into the cave where she found Bellamy, Lincoln, Octavia, Roan and few other members of the party that appeared to be injured. The rest must have been set on the perimeter on watch for Azgeda. Clarke pulled Lexa to the first injured woman and began helping her. She made her way to each person bringing Lexa in tow before heading to Bellamy. Clarke let Lexa hang back this time as Clarke went to look at his arm. He tried to shrug her off and she ignored him. She cleaned it and covered it for him before sitting down beside him.

 

"Thank you," he said.

 

Clarke nodded unsure of what to say. She hated Bellamy for what he had done. The foolish boy had almost gotten her killed. He had tried to make up for it but she wasn't sure it mattered anymore. Maybe it was too late? She looked up at Lexa. She had forgiven her. She had made the move to understand Lexa, to let go of her anger and hatred. Clarke looked at Bellamy. "I don't know how we come back from this, but I promise we can try."

 

He looked at her as she saw his eyes well up, "I'm so sorry Clarke. I really thought what we were doing was right…"

 

Clarke spoke up cutting him off, "Some grounders  _are better_  than others I guess." She was staring dreamily at Lexa. " _Your sister_  is a grounder Bellamy… _I am_  a grounder. It can't be an us or a them if we want to survive." She shrugged and left him crossing to where Lexa was sitting she reached out her hand to help her up. She pulled Lexa to a corner of the cave not far from Lincoln and Octavia who were snuggled up under some furs.

 

Lexa pulled out a couple furs of her own from a pack on the ground that had been brought in from the horses. Clarke sat down as Lexa quickly fiddled with some wood and shavings and quickly struck a spark into a roaring little fire beside Clarke helping to break the chill of the night. Clarke laid the second fur over them both as Lexa snuggled in beside her, they leaned back together against the rock. They stayed silent for a few moments before she felt Lexa adjust and lean her head on Clarke's shoulder with a heavy sigh. Her hand slipped over to Clarke's thigh and lay still.

 

They sat in silence a while longer before Clarke felt Lexa go limp, she smoothly adjust herself as Lexa blinked up at her sleepily, "shhh, go back to sleep, I've got you." Clarke slipped her arm around Lexa and hugged her close allowing the girl to relax more fully into her. Clarke rubbed her back and stayed awake. She looked around. She was surprised to see Lexa acting so much like Lexa in the midst of all these people, typical her guard would have remained up.

 

A small grin came to Clarke's face as she looked down at the beautiful angel. She stroked Lexa's hair off of her neck. It seemed that Lexa had simply given in to her feelings, dropping her guard and letting Clarke protect her tonight. Clarke put her hand on her side and hugged her closer as she placed a soft kiss on Lexa's head, "I love you," she whispered to the sleeping girl.

 

_Jesus, what an understatement._

 

 


	44. The Dawn

 

At dawn Lexa felt the light enter the cave and hit her eyes. She groaned through her sleep protesting at the light. She felt hands on her back and arm give a tight squeeze. Lexa groggily sat up and looked at the blonde who had held her all night. Clarke flashed a radiant smile at her as Lexa adjusted to lean back against the rock.

 

"Did you sleep at all?" Lexa asked knowing the answer already.

 

Clarke shook her head still smiling, "No, I had slept enough. I kept watch."

 

Lexa smiled, "I had watches set Clarke."

 

"I know but still. I wanted to watch over you," she said with a cute shrug.

 

Lexa couldn't help but beam at the girl. She had never had someone care for her like that. She had never had anyone stay up and hold her through the night. She never thought anyone would love her like Clarke obviously did. Everything Lexa would do for Clarke she knew the blonde would do as well. They were so alike and so different. Lexa couldn't help but feel like the universe had meant for them to meet. Had meant for their paths to collide because they did again and again. Clarke was never supposed to come to earth in her lifetime. Lexa was never supposed to meet her. But here they were side-by-side and victorious in battle. Clarke was safe, Lexa was safe and they were together.

 

A shudder ran through her spine. How could she have forgotten? She brought a hand to her forehead in dismay. They were still at war.

 

"Hey what's up?" she heard Clarke whisper looking at her shrewdly.

 

Lexa pulled the fur off of her and stood before holding out a hand to help Clarke up. She watched as Clarke took it and stretched when she stood up trying to work out the kinks in her muscles. Lexa pulled her out of the cave. The two of them held hands as they walked towards the horses.

 

"We are still at war," Lexa said quietly.

 

She saw Clarke look at her but Lexa keot her eyes forward before continuing, "What we did last night stopped nothing. Azgeda will still march on Arkadia…especially now."

 

"Why especially now?"

 

"Blood must have blood," Lexa said flatly, "we killed their Queen yes, but they will retaliate – it is our way."

 

Clarke shook her head, "What about Roan?"

 

Lexa stopped and looked at her, "Roan took up arms against his own people. They may never accept him."

 

"But he's their rightful king? You  _created_ a King the other night."

 

Lexa nodded thinking of their options. Before she could respond she smiled as Clarke jumped on her thought process.

 

"The other clans, knowing Nia is dead at our hands, will some of them change their allegiance?"

 

"It is possible. Fear plays a big role in the hearts of men."

 

Clarke nodded, "What if you give them an ultimatum? Accept Roan as their King: those that won't and keep allegiances to Nia's motives can be declared enemies of the coalition, just like what they wanted to do with Skaikru."

 

Lexa paused looking at Clarke proudly. Lexa had never made such a bold move before; she had never declared any clan an enemy of the entire coalition in her time. Clarke made a good point. If they did have clans leave Azgeda's side at this declaration, if they could out number their enemy, strike fear into their minds with uncertain victory, then maybe they could end this with minimal bloodshed. Lexa doubted whether all of them would turn on Azgeda but there was a hope for a few. There would be some fighting for sure but doing so would help weed out the cancerous members of the coalition.

 

Maybe this move would bring a lasting peace?

 

She looked at Clarke as she thought. She trusted Clarke; she trusted her motives and her instincts. She squeezed Clarke's hand. "I'm doing it. No vote, no council meeting, they will fold to our will or they will die."

 

The intensity of Lexa's word caught her by surprise. She felt the warrior speak when the words came out. Clarke was looking at her with wide eyes before they softened and she gave Lexa a small smile. With that they headed back to the others to get them up so they could leave.

 

Clarke was saddled and waiting for Lexa when they had everyone ready to go. Lexa smiled as she hopped up and took her place behind Clarke. They took off into the woods headed for Arkadia. Lexa held on to Clarke tight with her free hand, it felt natural and right where she was with the girl in front of her. She felt more at home with Clarke than she had ever felt in her life. She squeezed tighter as she nuzzled her head into the blonde hair on Clarke's neck. She heard Clarke let out a soft sigh at the touch and that brought a grin to Lexa's features as she galloped forward.

 

She was following Octavia, keeping right behind the girls caramel coloured steed. She watched fondly as Octavia would look around, count their members and keep her eyes peeled for potential threats. Lincoln had taught her well. She turned her attention to him and watched as he did the same and drifted his eyes often to Octavia making sure she was safe as well. Lexa smiled and kissed Clarke's head as it reminded her of them.

 

As long as they had each other they would be okay.

 

They had to be.

 

 


	45. The Want

 

 

 

Lexa led the horse through the trees easily. It was nightfall when they rode to the grounder camp near the Ark. Clarke was surprised to find that there were no war drums beating or even the sound of a war… _not yet._  Clarke looked on as they passed her warriors each staring at the sight of Clarke and Lexa on horseback together.

 

The two most powerful women in their world sat tall and rode into the camp as heroes. Together they had brought down a long time enemy and a huge threat to the coalition and grounder way of life. Lexa had rescued the legendary Wanheda from certain death and Clarke had killed the Ice Queen. They shared this victory equally. They shared the recognition. They shared the responsibility of their actions and they shared the consequences of those decisions. Clarke wasn't a fool - there  _would_  be consequences.

 

They continued their slow trot deeper into the grounders around them. Roars erupted from the masses that Clarke could hear echo throughout the ranks and into the surrounding trees. The roars were multiplied and seemed to go on for ages. There were thousands of warriors cheering now. Lexa waved to a few she knew personally and Clarke politely nodded here and there unaccustomed to such a return.

 

"This is all because of you Clarke," Lexa's voice was only a whisper but Clarke heard it roaring in here ear above the sounds of the warriors.

 

"This is all because of us," Clarke said in awe. This was so different from how she felt after the mountain. This time, she felt a huge sense of pride within herself as they rode along, she didn't feel guilty for pulling the trigger, she didn't feel afraid of who she was, she wasn't terrified of what was before her either. She knew why, it was all because of the girl behind her, the one that was hanging on to her like she was the most sacred thing in the world.

 

When they finally made it closer to the tents Lexa halted the horse and hopped down. She assisted Clarke as she gracefully landed on the ground next to her. Lexa then walked the horse and tied her up herself for food and watering. Clarke watched her as she ran her hand along the horse's side and down his legs before bringing the hand to his neck and whispering in his ear. Lexa watered and fed the horse and continued petting it and rubbing it's muscles. Clarke smiled goofily at the sight of her. She was stunning, even in the soft glow of the camps fires she could see the subtle changes of Lexa's facial movements. Clarke sighed as she saw various emotions play across her face. She continued to silently study the girl before Octavia's hand landed on her shoulder.

 

"Clarke, come on we have to set up Raven's radio."

 

Clarke shook her head and tore her eyes from Lexa. She followed Octavia with the stupid grin on her face to Lexa's tent. Inside Clarke helped set up the radio in case Raven tried to contact them. When they were finished Lexa came in. Clarke's eyes found hers and she smiled as Lexa grinned back. Lexa crossed the tent and removed her gloves before grabbing some water and drinking deep.

 

"Why hasn't the battle started?" Octavia piped up after Lexa had washed her face and hands. The war paint and most of the blood was now gone. Clarke smiled stupidly as she saw Lexa through the commander mask she had on now while she faced Octavia. It didn't matter to Clarke anymore, she would always see Lexa beneath the façade.

 

"I have been informed that due to recent events they have pulled their army from Polis's boundaries and have brought them here. The Ice Nation and their affiliates have made no movement into the zone I had designated for Arkadia 3 months ago. Until they do my army does not move. They must make the first strike…especially now." She finished looking at Clarke quickly and back to Octavia.

 

Octavia nodded, "Okay, I'm going to go grab a bite, but we should get you to the Ark soon Clarke. We need to check in with your mom and Kane. You know Abby will want to see you for herself."

 

Clarke nodded in agreement. Her mom was probably worried sick. She hated thinking about it. Clarke was all she had left. Octavia nodded to Lexa in a silent 'see you later' and swung out the tent.

 

Lexa crossed the tent to hand Clarke a cup of water. Clake drank it all and Lexa refilled it smiling as she did so. Clarke drained the second one and tossed the cup on table. She looked around making sure they were alone and flung her arms around Lexa pulling her tight against her body. She felt Lexa's arms gently fold around her. Clarke nuzzled her head into Lexa's neck placing her lips gently on her skin breathing in her scent as she did so. She felt Lexa's hand gently stroke Clarke's head and rub her back with the other. They held each other tight afraid to let the other go.

 

When Lexa finally stepped back to break the embrace Clarke sighed, she already missed the contact. To her surprise Lexa was pulling her by the hand to the corner of the bed. She sat her down and turned to go back to the water basin. Clarke watched as Lexa fiddled with some Rags and a small bowl before returning to Clarke. Lexa knelt down and gently took Clarke's left hand she began wiping softly with the rag removing blood and debris.

 

She methodically moved to the other before tossing the rag on the table and refilling the water bowl with fresh clean water. She returned with a fresh rag as well and sat beside Clarke on the bed, Clarke adjusted to face her better. Lexa dipped the rag in the water, rung it out and placed it softly against Clarke's cheek. She gently wiped at the blood and dirt on Clarke's face. She gently kissed her cuts and bruises as she revealed them. Her thumb gently caressing the skin as she cleaned it, the light touches were incredibly sweet. The sensation sent tingles to Clarke's toes.

 

When Lexa was finished she was wiping the last spot of blood on the corner of Clarke's lips. She lowered the rag and set the bowl down.  _Finally,_  Clarke's little voice said to her and forced her body into action. She reached out and cupped Lexa's face to turn her head. Clarke looked deep into her eyes for a few moments before leaning in and allowing herself to finally taste Lexa's lips again. Lexa eagerly complied returning Clarke's embrace and scooting even closer. The kiss was soft but powerful at the same time, Clarke could feel Lexa's emotion behind it, could feel her passion and need equal to Clarke's own. She danced her tongue in Lexa's mouth and found she would not win that battle. Lexa's kisses were becoming more forceful, more intense by the moment.

 

Clarke groaned part in pleasure from Lexa's desire and part in annoyance as her little voice piped up,  _you don't have time for_  this, Clarke deepened her hold on Lexa trying to drown out the voice. It came back though and it was laughing at her, _not yet._

 

Clarke pulled away with the grumpiest frown she could muster. Lexa stared at her eyes but Clarke didn't miss the longing glances that flickered back to Clarke's lips. The corners of her mouth twitched out of her frown, "We'll have time for that later," Clarke said softly repeating Lexa's own words in Polis back to the girl. She softly stroked Lexa's cheek with her right hand and Clarke tried to ignore the memory of her lips crashing onto Lexa's again and again in her Polis tower. That was only going to lead to her kissing her again.

 

Lexa's eyes darted back to Clarke's lips before she took a deep breath and sighed loudly as she nodded. Clarke smiled at the grumpy look Lexa made as she nodded.

 

They walked out of the tent side by side to where Octavia was sitting with Lincoln eating. She tossed Clarke a piece of cooked meat before handing one to Lexa. The girls sat down and ate in silence with them, everyone slightly tired from the stress of the last few days. When they had finished Clarke stood up and held a hand for Lexa to join her.

 

Clarke followed Lexa as she began to walk to the horses. "Wait," Clarke called out to her.

 

Lexa turned around questioningly.

 

"My ass is killing me from riding for two days. Can we please walk."

 

Lexa smiled and nodded. Clarke sped up to land beside her as they walked off together towards the Ark. She heard Octavia fall into step behind them along with Lincoln. Clarke wasn't surprised. She knew their connection was strong. They wouldn't part unless they had to. She looked at Lexa as she walked and lost herself in thought.

 

She thought she heard her heart roar...

 


	46. The Ambassador

 

Clarke was slightly surprised when Lexa shifted and began guiding her to the Ark's front gates. Then Clarke remembered: Pike was dead, Kane and Abby were back in charge. She paused looking at the gates. "Hold your head up high Clarke," Lexa said quietly as they got closer. "You're a hero here too."

 

Clarke smiled slightly when she caught Lexa looking at her seriously. She adjusted her posture at Lexa's words and she held her head high as they continued on towards the gates.

 

"Open them up!" She heard a guard shout and the whirring sound of the gate being pulled open rang out.

 

Clarke nodded to people as they greeted her. She didn't fail to notice that some were coming to Lexa to shake her hand. It reminded her so much of the people she saw in Polis fawning over the young commander. Lexa smiled graciously and tried to pass all the compliments on to Clarke's doing. Clarke shook her head at the sight. Lexa didn't understand, Clarke's people were thanking Lexa for bringing Clarke home. Once again.

 

Not too many days ago they had tried to turn their backs on the commander who truly meant to help them. It was funny how things worked out.

 

They made there way along as Jasper ran out and gave Clarke a bug hug. Monty followed suit and they both shook Lexa's hand and thanked her for bringing Clarke home safe. They then greeted Octavia in big bear hugs before the group followed them into the Ark.

 

Clarke pulled on Lexa's arm to slow her pace, Lincoln and Octavia slowed and turned to look at her, "We'll catch up, I need to see Raven," Clarke explained.

 

Lexa didn't question her she let Clarke pull her by the arm leading her away from the group. Octavia nodded and went to catch up with Jasper and Monty. Clarke led Lexa left and right through the many twists and turns of the awkward layout before finally coming to the mechanics area. Clarke smiled as she heard the flicker of electricity and then forceful swear words erupt from the other side of the doors.

 

She walked in to find Raven still cursing and shaking her left hand rapidly. She looked up to see Clarke, "fucking piece of shit."

 

"That's a really nice thing to say to a kidnapping survivor," Clarke said jokingly, she knew Raven was referring to the baton she had been fiddling with that had just shocked her, but Clarke just wanted to see the girl smile. She didn't realize until now how much she missed it.

 

She wasn't disappointed. Raven smiled wide and winked she didn't miss a beat as she said, "Oh honey, I'm sure you'll recover," flashing knowing glances between Lexa and Clarke.

 

Lexa smiled at the joke and went to sit down, allowing Raven and Clarke to talk. They didn't talk about the battle, they didn't speak about the plans they spoke as friends. Clarke was checking in on how her  _friend_  was doing. She asked her about her leg, her pain and her recovery. Clarke knew the girl's leg would never work properly again, but she was incredibly impressed to find that it had not changed Raven. She was constant after all. She would always find the light, always find a reason for living.

 

Clarke asked her about Jasper and Monty checking in on how they were doing in all of this. Raven made her feel better with every word. They spent about an hour there. Lexa remained silent the entire time, trying to respect Clarke and Raven and not intrude in their private moment. It made Clarke happy that she understood they needed this, that Clarke needed this interaction. She was also extremely glad that Lexa didn't leave. Clarke wanted her there right where she could see her. Clarke couldn't help but notice she had found herself watching Lexa but speaking with Raven more than once.

 

Finally, Clarke stood up from where she had sat down and began walking to the door as Lexa stood to join her. Raven got up and followed them. They were going to find the others.

 

Abby wrapped Clarke into her arms when she saw her. She held her so tight the air was pushed from Clarke's lungs. Clarke sucked in the air as soon as her mom released her. She smiled sheepishly, "I'm fine mom."

 

Abby stood back beaming at the sight of Clarke. When she was satisfied and she had finished examining Clarke's head wounds, even stitching the one in her hairline she turned back to stand beside Kane. Clarke didn't fail to notice that Abby seemed to be gravitating a lot toward Kane. It was eerily similar to how Clarke gravitated to Lexa and vice versa.

 

Clarke flashed a sheepish grin at Lexa as the commander addressed the room. "The Ice Queen has fallen. I will offer the clans that chose to fight alongside her one chance at defecting back to my coalition. The Ice Nation will accept Roan, Queen Nia's son, as rightful King of Azgeda or they and anyone supporting Nia's motives will be declared enemies of the coalition."

 

The room fell silent at the news. Some understanding while other's blinked nervously. Lexa looked at Clarke, "I propose that SkaiKru join the coalition as the thirteenth clan."

 

Clarke stared at her in disbelief. Lexa had already bowed to her in private and swore fealty. Clarke was at a loss for words now. Lexa was willing to stand and declare Clarke's people as her own now in public. It was risky, especially with all the chaos that had gone on in the last week. Clarke couldn't help but admire the girl's bravery and her determination to fulfil every promise she had ever made to Clarke.

 

Clarke felt tears well up in her eyes. She finally tore her eyes from Lexa's and looked to the ceiling trying hard to make them not fall.

 

Lexa turned to look at Kane for his thoughts. He told Lexa he agreed and that Skaikru would graciously accept. They then began discussing the details. The ceremony would have to happen tonight, it needed to be official before any battles began. They didn't have a lot of time.

 

"Who will be the Skaikru ambassador?" Clarke heard Lexa ask Kane.

 

Clarke spoke up and the room fell silent, "Kane is the chancellor," she turned to look at Lexa her eyes full of love and promise her voice becoming soft as she spoke again, "I am your ambassador." They would do this  _together_. Lexa's eyes fluttered wide as the words escaped Clarke's lips. Both girls immediately blushing at how intimate Clarke's words came out. Lexa cleared her throat trying to disguise their little moment and nodded.

 

Later both Skaikru and Trikru members along with the ambassadors that had been with Lexa from the start were brought in to Arkadia's fences. The group formed together as one as Clarke walked out followed by Lexa, Kane and Abby. They stood up on the platform where Lexa spoke loud. "Tonight, Skaikru joins the coalition as the thirteenth clan. We mark the chosen ambassador to represent the clan in Polis when called upon," she held out her hand as she was handed a brand from out of the fire.

 

Clarke walked forward aware of what was about to happen. Lexa had warned her beforehand and apologized profusely before she had even touched the iron brand. Clarke knew it was because it was going to hurt like a bitch, but she didn't care. She would gladly wear the mark for Lexa and hold her head high as she did so. The girl she loved was risking it all for Clarke once again. Clarke could take a little pain for her. She'd take the pain of a thousand deaths for her.

 

She held her arm out for Lexa as Lexa tenderly grabbed her hand she looked into Clarke's eyes to prepare her and silently apologize for the pain that she was about to bring on her. Clarke set her jaw and nodded staring back into the green. She didn't flinch. She didn't look away as her flesh burned when the iron touched her. She smelt the burning of her flesh but she remained resolute mentally allowing the pain to be her atonement for the many months she spent away from Lexa. Here in this moment, tied by bonds that ran deeper than her new burn, she would be attached to Lexa forever.

 

Lexa removed the brand and kept holding Clarke's hand before raising it up high above them both. The camp erupted in cheers from all present. The two women lowered their hands and looked out amongst their people. The next second Clarke turned and found Lexa staring at her.

 

Lexa smiled before she turned back to the crowd and continued addressing them. She told them of the offer to the clans. She ordered a party to head to send word to the other clan's scouts of her message and proposition, "By dusk tomorrow they should know where their allegiance lies" she warned them all. "Tomorrow we honour our coalition: Those who stand against one of us stand against us all"

 

 


	47. The Shower

 

 

 

After the ceremony Clarke and Lexa talked more with Kane and Abby before bidding them goodnight. Clarke led Lexa back toward the Ark's interior. They were too tired to hike back to Lexa's camp, too thrilled with the events of the night to care. Lexa followed her silently into the Ark and through its halls.

 

When Clarke led her to her quarters Lexa slipped in while Clarke shut the door. Within seconds of the door closing Lexa felt Clarke's hands turn her around pull her in close. Lexa wrapped her arms around the girl and hugged her back. They held eachother close a few moments longer before Clarke pulled away grabbing Lexa's hand and pulling her to the bathroom.

 

Lexa watched as Clarke turned the shower on and turned around. She didn't move as Clarke began unbuckling the various buckles and straps on Lexa. Slowly piece by piece her gear fell to the ground with soft thuds. Clarke's hands didn't shake a bit as she moved around Lexa now removing her long coat and slipping it off her arms. She tossed it to the side and stood back looking lovingly at Lexa. Lexa felt her heart fluttering in her chest as she moved to help remove Clarke's gear. She moved slow as her hands undid Clarke's straps and coat tossing them aside. She then removed the rest of her weaponry and straps from her thighs and helped her with her boots. Lexa then turned her attention to her own before standing up and finding a nude Clarke standing before her.

 

Lexa's breath caught in her chest and her heart stopped before it began thudding violently in her chest. Clarke was exquisite. Lexa's eyes slowly ran up Clarke's legs, they saw the tiny curls of hair on her pelvis, the soft lines of her stomach, they combed over the delicious mounds of her breasts and the sharp edges of her collar bone before her eyes rested on Clarke's. The curves of her feminine body, the delicate features, her blonde hair dirty but still radiant, the shy smile toying with Lexa in a way she never thought possible. Lexa traced every inch of Clarke with her eyes a second time before beginning to slowly grab at her own shirt. Lifting it over her head swiftly so she could look back at Clarke. Her eyes now locked to the deep blue of hers.

 

Lexa undid her bandoo on her chest and then continued to slide her pants from her body along with her underwear. She was now standing in front of Clarke, the both of them shed of all boundaries, vulnerable both emotionally and physically in the other's presence.

 

_Equals,_  Lexa thought as she watched Clarke's eyes dart around Lexa's body. She felt exposed but in a good way. She wanted Clarke to look, she wanted Clarke to see her - all of her. Lexa could see Clarke's chest rising and falling quickly, in the same rhythm as her own. Lexa felt a familiar wetness grow between her legs as she watched Clarke, she felt it seep out and drip between her folds when Clarke spoke in Lexa's native tongue, " _Ai badan yu op en nou moun, Heda_."  _I serve you and no other, commander._

 

Lexa closed the distance between them as the girl spoke, Clarke's voice was dripping with raw emotion. Lexa returned her sentiments in kind, this time in Clarke's native tongue, "I serve you and no other, Clarke." And she kissed her.

 

She kissed her like she's never kissed Clarke in her life. Like this would be the last time she may ever hold her. She kissed her like she needed her, like their contact gave her breath. She drove her tongue into Clarke's mouth, grabbing her, clawing at her to bring their bodies closer, a soft moan escaped Clarke as she fought Lexa's tongue with her own. Her hand wove into Lexa's hair keeping their mouths locked. Lexa pushed Clarke gently backwards guiding her to the shower. Clarke stepped in and her hands instantly held Lexa's to help her in. The hot water ran down from the ceiling covering them both. Their bodies beginning to slip and slide gently against each other emitting new little breath hitches and moans from the two of them.

 

Lexa felt Clarke grab her turning her and pinning her against the shower's wall, her mouth crashing onto Lexa's in desperation. She bit at Lexa's bottom lip gently and Lexa purred as it made her arch her body into Clarke. She felt her nipples graze Clarke's breasts and the wetness between her legs increased tenfold. Clarke had her one arm up bracing the two girls now as she felt Clarke's one hand slide to her ass and grab on gently before squeezing tight. With that Clarke drove her thigh between Lexa's own spreading her legs and putting pressure on Lexa's centre. Lexa moaned softly in Clarke's mouth as she began to grind her hips into Clarke trying to increase the pressure. The feeling was overwhelming her making her eyes roll back in her head as she whispered Clarke's name.

 

The blonde kept control, purposely pushing against Lexa after every moan and whimper. Clarke placed her tongue on Lexa's neck flicking it and tracing the water trails. She was working Lexa's body against her own in such a motion that Lexa felt she was on the verge of losing herself. She moaned deep in Clarke's ear before whispering the truth to the girl she loved, "Clarke," she gasped "I'm so close."

 

She felt Clarke moan and pull their bodies a part slightly. "You mean you're going to come," Clarke told her, and Lexa writhed beneath her nodding insistently. She felt a last push against her before Clarke pulled away again. They were still touching but it was too soft to send Lexa over the edge. Lexa's eyes flew open and she stared open mouthed at Clarke. Clarke was grinning, a playful glint in her eye, "not yet," she said softly, teasing Lexa as she shook her head.

 

Lexa whined and pushed her head back in protest. The hot water running down her face. She felt Clarke bring her close again and reach for her cheek to bring Lexa down into a soft kiss. As she did so Lexa felt a soapy rag begin to caress her skin. Lexa shuddered as she took in this intimate moment. The cloth making its way softly across Lexa's body was therapy, Lexa gazed lovingly at Clarke until she finished washing her. She felt Clarke wash away years of stress with each touch. Lexa returned the favour. Careful to place gentle kisses at each bump and bruise as she made her way around Clarke's body.

 

Clarke kissed her again, before pulling her from the shower and two of them dried off slightly and head to Clarke's main room.

 

 

 


	48. The Sinning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *shrugs*

 

 

 

Clarke brought Lexa into the other room. Both still butt naked and skipping slightly in excitement. Her heart was beating in her chest, so loud she could have sworn Lexa could hear it. She turned to grab the girl before they reached the bed. Clarke eagerly recaptured Lexa's lips like that's where they belonged. She felt Lexa's hands gently graze her skin before grabbing on firmly. Clarke reciprocated before she quickly shift and pushed Lexa onto the bed. Clarke landed on top of Lexa gently, Her one had finding it's way to Lexa's cheek before planting a soft kiss on her lips.

 

Clarke deepened the kiss feeling Lexa melt against her. Her one hand massaging Clarke's breast while the other was firmly placed on her ass. Clarke began to grind herself on Lexa, intensifying the feeling, letting their centres bump against the other's hips, pelvis and thighs. Clarke gently bit Lexa's lip before taking her tongue and mouth elsewhere.

 

She traced soft kisses and nibbles on Lexa's neck. She only insisted on doing it more when she heard Lexa moan softly at each touch. Clarke could feel how wet she was. How much she desired Lexa in this moment. Every once in a while in their movements she could feel how wet Lexa was as well.

 

Their breathing was becoming more ragged by the second. Clarke made her way slowly down Lexa's neck, tracing kisses along her collar bone and soft shoulders. Clarke came to the bullet wound, she lifted her hand and softly traced it with her finger tip. As she did so their bodies stopped their motions. She felt a few tears run down her cheek as she looked up at Lexa. The girl was staring at her as Clarke watched a tear of her own fall to her cheek. Lexa reached out and gently stroked each tear away with her thumb, "I'm right here, Clarke." She whispered knowing where Clarke's head was at. She shifted and pushed Clarke to her back so Lexa was on top of her now.

 

Clarke remained silent, afraid to speak just soaking in the gorgeous brunette above her. She had almost lost her...twice in one week. The bullet hole only reminded her of what was now at stake and it wasn't just survival. Lexa stroked her cheek lovingly and pushed Clarke's hair gently back behind her ear.

 

"What's wrong?" Lexa whispered, her voice full of concern. Her freehand now lying flat on Clarke's chest rubbing soothing circles with her thumb.

 

Clarke took a beat, wondering if she should say it. When Lexa continued to watch her and not press further Clarke decided to lay it all out. She may not get to tomorrow.

 

"I'm afraid," Clarke said quietly staring at Lexa, her green eyes giving her strength to admit her fears to the girl. "I'm afraid of how much I love you," Clarke blurted out. She grabbed Lexa pulling her down so Clarke could kiss her. She kissed her like it was the first time they ever kissed. It was tender and Clarke melted into it. It was a new found realization kiss for Clarke.

 

Her life was now about love not death.

 

Her love was giving her life - a reason for living. She had fears of losing Lexa yes, of course but being able to voice her fear to the girl she loved only made Clarke realize how foolish she was being. She should be celebrating their love, celebrating their hope for a life  _together_. She should be relishing in every second she had with the girl because they both knew too well that nothing was easy on this planet. None of them were guaranteed a tomorrow.

 

Lexa broke the kiss to look at Clarke. She smiled softly and traced Clarke jaw with her finger tip before speaking, "I am not afraid Clarke," she let her words hang letting the meaning soak into Clarke. "My love for you emboldens me Clarke. It fills me up, I was a hollow shell before I met you."

 

She kissed Clarke sweetly before pulling away again, "I knew I loved you when you saved us from the pauna...the first time," she smiled and tipped her head a bit. "I left my heart with you when I walked away at the mountain, I thought I'd never get it back...I had destroyed you and myself in the process. It haunted me...it  _haunts_  me. I couldn't fulfil my duties, I couldn't think straight, I couldn't reconcile with myself...I thought about ending it many times" Lexa trailed off losing herself in thought before she shook her head at how selfish she had been in those moments. Clarke remained silent but stroked the girls hair back soothingly so she could better see her face.

 

The gesture seemed to bring Lexa back, "Then, against all odds you found me, it was like the sun had rose for the first time in years. When I knew you had feelings for me, when there was a possibility for love - I felt my heart return, beating new life into me."

 

She kissed Clarke again, this time with tongue. When she pulled away this time Clarke protested slightly until Lexa spoke again insistent that Clarke know everything, "I need you like I need air. You give me the strength to  _live_. You have given me  _life_ Clarke."

 

The profession of feelings had surprised Clarke. She had remained silent absorbing each word. Noting each sentiment from the girl peering down at her. She could feel Lexa's warm body against her own. She felt the electricity between the two of them, palpable and impossible to ignore. Every word was true for Clarke as well. She felt the exact same way. She shivered slightly as the intensity of the moment creeped over them. She raised her hand pulling Lexa into a deep kiss. Her hand woven into her braids. Their lips separated slightly as Clarke breathed out she spoke, "You  _are_  my life Lexa," she opened her eyes to look at Lexa and drive the point home, " _your fate_  is  _my own_."

 

Lexa stared at her for a moment in awe. Then the girls began kissing, each leaning in at the same time. Perfectly in sync. Intensely pushing their tongues against the others their hands made there way caressing soft flesh sending tingles and wetness between their legs again. Clarke felt Lexa's hands begging to pull her closer a little more urgently. Her grabs pushing Clarke to do the same, she found Lexa's breast in her hand and she began playing gently with her nipple. She felt Lexa's hands everywhere, moving swiftly but purposefully from place to place. Each touch sending ripples of pleasure to Clarke's body. She felt Lexa reach between her thighs, the girl moaned when she felt how wet Clarke was. Clarke smiled into their kiss before pulling Lexa's hair gently, lifting her head so she could begin assaulting her neck with licks and kisses. Clarke didn't care as she left a couple hickies behind in her wake marking her territory.

 

Lexa began slowly massaging Clarke's clit in a mesmerizing sensation, Clarke gasped as her toes curled in the motion. Her fingers were light, teasing Clarke while she played with her. Clarke's head went back as her body twitched under the motion.

 

She felt Lexa adjust slightly above her as she lowered her mouth to her nipple Clarke felt Lexa's two fingers enter her. Clarke gasped in pleasure. Her heart pounded as she arched her back pushing her breast deeper into Lexa's mouth. Lexa began slipping her fingers in and out slowly before making their way to Clarke's mound again. Clarke began writhing beneath her trying to increase the friction. It was all so good she couldn't keep her eyes on Lexa, they kept insisting on rolling into the back of her head.

 

Clarke moaned as she felt herself quickly becoming overwhelmed. Then Lexa moaned slightly in response and placed her lips back on Clarke's kissing her deep as her fingers dove in again. Clarke gasped with pleasure in Lexa's mouth and her tongue darted in. Her fingers curled and began pressing right where Clarke needed them to. "Fuck, Lexa!" Clarke moaned as she began hitting her g spot.

 

Lexa pulled away slightly while resuming her hand's motion, she kissed Clarke's cheek before moving to nibble and breathe in Clarke's ear. "I need you," she whispered her voice thick with desire, "I want to  _taste_ you." Before Clarke could respond to her erotic truth Lexa had moved.

 

Clarke looked down to find Lexa hovering, her face above Clarke's pussy. They locked eyes, Lexa's were full of a silent question, begging Clarke to let her proceed. Clarke was staring wide eyed. Clarke had never had anyone's face down there before. The thought of Lexa's mouth touching her there almost sent her over the edge right there, Clarke found herself giving Lexa a slight nod without blinking. Now that she had heard what Lexa wanted, she realized she wanted it more.

 

That was all Lexa needed. Clarke watched as Lexa pulled out her fingers and lowered her mouth to Clarke. Clarke's mouth dropped open as her hips bucked as she felt Lexa's soft tongue slip into the wetness. A lustful moan came out of both of them as the sensation took Clarke over. She felt Lexa's tongue dart in and out of her a few times fully tasting Clarke before finding it's way to her clit. Clarke bucked against Lexa's tongue. She struggled to keep her eyes on Lexa afraid to miss the sight. She felt her moan against her clit as Clarke ground down against her mouth. Clarke felt herself getting wetter and it had nothing to do with Lexa's saliva. Clarke felt close to peaking. Her moans becoming more throaty and urgent. She needed it. She needed release.

 

She caught Lexa watching her and Clarke heard herself whisper, "Please," between gasps.

 

Then she felt Lexa's fingers re-enter her all the while her tongue continued to dance against Clarke. She felt Lexa's hand firmly grab Clarke as she administered her motions. Lexa was pounding away with her hand while her tongue flicked and her eyes remained glue to Clarke. Clarke knew she wanted to see her fall over the edge of pleasure Lexa had built up. "Lexa!" Clarke heard her voice call out. It sounded so good, Clarke let another one out, this time more desperate, "Lexa please!"

 

Lexa moaned against Clarke when she begged, it was ragged and shuddery and Clarke knew. Lexa had just came, as soon as the thought began Clarke felt herself go with her. "Oh my God! Lexa!" Clarke screamed before her hand flew over her mouth.  _Too loud!_ her little voice screamed at her. But a larger part of her didn't care who heard. That was fucking amazing. Shudders ran through Clarke's body as she felt herself clench around Lexa's still embedded fingers. When she stopped Lexa removed them and began licking again, cleaning up Clarke's release before moving back to her clit and beginning it's motion again. Clarke came a second time in thirty seconds, this time all tongue and no fingers. When her body stopped convulsing she grabbed at Lexa desperately, pulling her back up.

 

Clarke looked deep into her eyes, "wow," she said as she kissed Lexa, diving her tongue into her mouth gently and tasting herself on her. She pulled back and reached a hand to the corner of Lexa's lips wiping a little of Clarke's mess of her. She shifted Lexa replacing herself on top of her and kissed her again. Her hands moving on their own over the girls body. She couldn't wait any longer, she had to feel just how wet Lexa was now. She slipped her hand between her legs, she didn't give Lexa a moments notice before she began pulsating her fingers into Lexa.

 

The girl shuddered with pleasure beneath her. She arched her back before Clarke slipped lower, readjusting herself. She continued her strokes as Lexa looked down as look of shock crossed her face, "my turn," Clarke said cocking an eye brow and diving her tongue in to taste Lexa. She was about to worship the girl beneath her. She was going to make Lexa really  _live_  tonight.

 

Clarke was going to take her over and over again off that ledge of pleasure. She was going to make sure Lexa knew she Clarke's until the end of time.

 

_Ain._

 

_Mine._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK YOU JASON


	49. The Planning

Lexa stirred awake as she felt a body shift slightly around her. She opened her eyes to find Clarke's strong gentle arms encircling her. Clarke's naked body against Lexa's back and ass spooning her. Lexa felt the girl's breath softly on her neck maintaining its smooth rythym. Lexa knew Clarke was still asleep. She remained there without moving just soaking in the moment. She never wanted to leave this position. Clarke had held her all night after their bouts of pleasure, after they had thoroughly fucked each other until they had no energy to continue.

 

Lexa smiled, beginning to reply the events from last night. She still couldn't believe how, against all odds, they had found each other. Lexa revelled in the solace she had found with Clarke. She felt Clarke twitch slightly and murmer a soft "Lexa?" as she woke up. Lexa smiled and smoothly rolled over so she could face Clarke.

 

"I'm right here love." She then planted a soft kiss to Clarke's mouth.

 

Clarke smiled into the kiss, when she pulled out of it she said "Good morning Heda."

 

The Commander's formal title coming off of Clarkes tongue made Lexa weak. Lexa smiled before she said in Trigadesleng, "Good morning ambassador."

 

The words were barely out of her mouth before Clarke was on top of her crashing her lips to Lexa's. They spent the next hour making each other quake in pleasure a few times each again. When they finished they were breathing heavily and Clarke was lying with her head on Lexa's thigh tracing nondescript shapes on Lexa's stomache. She had her hands draped on and around Lexa as Lexa watched her in admiration. She played with her hair, something she found Clarke really enjoyed. It seemed to relax her. Lexa committed it to memory just like everything else she had learned Clarke liked. Clarke seemed to genuinely like all of Lexa's little touches.

 

They heard a knock on the door. Clarke groaned and pulled the blanket over her head, "Can't we have war tomorrow?"

 

Lexa chuckled softly at her love before pulling the covers down so she could see Clarke's face again, "Duty calls Ambassador."

 

Clarke rolled her eyes and frowned grumpily as another knock came at the door she spoke "Who ever is behind door better look the fuck out."

 

Lexa laughed lightly as they both got up from the bed. Lexa slipped into the bathroom to wash up while Clarke grabbed a robe and answered the door.

 

"Woah," Raven said as the room's aroma washed over her when the door opened, "smells like sex in here Clarke."

 

Clarke blushed, flashing a glance to the bathroom behind her. Raven followed her glance before her eyes widened and she turned to Clarke and put her hand on her shoulder in feigned relief, "Oh Thank God, I thought you had been in here alone."

 

It was Clarke's turn to be slightly shocked at the implication that she would have her room stinking of sex and sweat from a night of administering herself. She pushed Raven lightly and scoffed.

 

Raven laughed, "Well honestly, you two could have cracked a window."

 

"We're on the ark Raven, there are no windows that actually  _open_."

 

Raven smiled and laughed hard, "Oh Clarke, Wick and I, we made alterations so the windows open a couple months ago." She hobbled into the room and cracked Clarke's window. The fresh air of the morning wafted in and Clarke could now smell the scent of pine trees, smoke from fires that had long since been put out, and fresh dew.

 

She breathed in deep a few times soaking it in, letting the air refresh her senses. Raven placed a hand on her shoulder, "I have a few ideas for the fight that may give us an advantage." Lexa walked out of the bathroom as Raven removed her hand and began to walk towards the door, "find me when you're…finished" she winked and hobbled on her brace out of the room.

 

Lexa walked to stand beside Clarke. She laced her arm around Clarke's back and rested her hand on her hip pulling them closer as they looked out the window. Clarke looked to Lexa and found she was dressed except for her weapons. Clarke sighed knowing she and the girl had to leave this room. They had to venture outside, they had to deal with the potential of death and war as soon as they did so. They both seemed to have the same thoughts as the two of them didn't move for some time.

 

Clarke finally turned kissed Lexa sweetly and headed into the bathroom to clean herself up and dress. She came out to find Lexa with her scabbard, sword and dagger now strapped firmly in place. LExa crossed to Clarke and kissed her before grabbing Clarke's weapons and helping her strap them on. When they were satisfied that they were ready Clarke pulled Lexa by the hand and wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug. She then led the girl out of the room.

 

They went straight to the mess hall to eat. Both of them were famished from their intense night of passion. They inhaled their food and drink in silence all the while exchanging sweet glances and looks as their feet played absentmindedly against each other under the table. There intimate moments hidden to those around them, the people around them blind to their silent conversations.

 

When they finished and cleaned up their table and discarded their trash the two girls headed out of the room towards Raven's zone.

 

When they found her she was already deep into her work. She barely looked up when they entered. Clarke saw Wick in the corner fiddling with something Clarke couldn't make out. She crossed the distance to Raven's work station and saw parts and cylinders, she saw primers and wires and she looked to Raven questioningly.

 

"So I figure we can set some mines, like we did at the drop ship," Raven explained without looking up.

 

Clarke nodded though the thought scared her. Bombs were dangerous, they were feared by the grounders she knew, but they had grounders fighting  _with them_...she couldn't help but worry about this. Clarke looked to Lexa as if to ask her thoughts. Lexa crossed the distance and looked down on the parts. She looked to Clarke before speaking, "I like it. It is a good plan."

 

Clarke looked at her in awe. Lexa continued, "We place them in such a way that we can coral their forces and bunch them together making it easier for us to surround their resistance.

 

"Do you expect much resistance?" Clarke asked quietly.

 

Lexa looked at her and nodded, "I do. I do not expect this to end without a fight." Clarke gave her a small frown in her worry, seeing this Lexa spoke again, "Anyone who lays their arms down in front of us will be spared Clarke. I promise. We need not destroy them entirely."

 

Clarke nodded before looking back at Raven when she decided, "Okay, let's do it."

 

Raven smiled, "Alright! Time to make things go boom!" she glanced at Wick excitedly and he rolled his eyes.

 

"Mechanics," she heard him mutter.

 

In the next second Raven had tossed a part at Wick hitting him in the side. He flashed her a wicked coy grin that Clarke didn't miss. Clearly, Raven had found another way to enjoy life fully. Clarke smiled, she was happy for the girl and Wick was a good match for her. They balanced each other well. The thought made Clarke glance at Lexa.

 

They balanced each other out as well.

 

 

 

 


	50. The Thousand Deaths

 

 

 

They left Raven to her mine building. She had promised to have them ready in a couple hours for their men to go plant them. Clarke said to send word to Lexa's camp if she couldn't find her around Arkadia. She would leave word when she was headed that way.

 

They found Abby next. She was preparing the medical wing for potential injured. Kane had ordered anyone wishing to volunteer to donate blood for an emergency stockpile. They were smart enough not to ask Lexa to do the same with her troops. The grounders had been drained of their blood enough. Clarke looked around and saw many Arkers lining up to help. The sight made her smile. They were doing that both for their people  _and_ Lexa's because there was no doubt all the injured would end up being brought to Abby.

 

Clarke walked around beginning to help Abby as Nyko, Trikru's healer walked in. He greeted them all before taking some direction from Abby on what he should do. Clarke noticed he was a quick study, his grounder knowledge working well with Abby's science.

 

Clarke found more examples of grounders and Arker's bridging the gaps and finding common ground as they made their way outside. She saw Jasper and Monty teaching a few of Lexa's men how to use their make-shift grenades. They pulled out smoke bombs and showed each member of the newly formed bomb squad how to use them as well. Clarke grabbed one and pocketed it, she didn't know why but she felt it may come in handy, her instincts were already taking over in preparation of the fight.

 

Clarke watched as Lexa made her way around watching intently as well. She was absorbing the information, committing it to memory, Clarke could tell.

 

They found Kane with some grounders and members of the guard. They were watching Kane shoot at a target on a post. He was hitting the bullseye every time. He glanced at Lexa and made a gesture to hand one of the grounders a gun. The grounder looked at it in fear as Lexa stepped forward. Clarke watched keenly as Lexa went to Kane and reached out for the gun. She watched as Lexa's hands shook slightly as they hesitated above the metal weapon.

 

Lexa flashed her a glance of worry and Clarke found herself giving her a slight nod.  _You can do it,_  she thought. Lexa taking that gun would help assuage the worry her men would feel using them. LExa took a deep breath and looked back to the gun before firmly grabbing it with authority.

 

Kane showed her how to hold it, told her to open her mouth slightly to avoid getting lock jaw or knocking her jaw out of place when the rifle would kick back. She pressed it tight into her shoulder following his instructions.

 

"Squeeze the trigger, don't pull it." He said calmly and patiently, like a true teacher. Kane knew how big this moment was. How influential it was.

 

Lexa took a steadying breath and squeezed the trigger. A shot rang out and missed the post. Clarke watched her eyes widen in fear at the exploding force in her hands before it quickly switched to anger that she missed. She glanced at Clarke before looking back at the target and taking another breath. This time she hit the post. Kane smiled while and clapped her on the shoulder in congratulations.

 

Clarke watched Lexa's mouth twist into an awkward proud smile as she took a few more shots. All of them hitting their mark. Lexa was turning out to be a good shot. Clarke walked closer to watch as more warriors lined up to take a turn at other targets. Lexa handed the gun back to Kane gingerly before bidding him thanks and walking to Clarke's side.

 

"Not gonna lie," Clarke muttered, "That was extremely…attractive." She wanted to say sexy but she wasn't sure Lexa knew the word.

 

Lexa smiled, knowingly she gave Clarke a subtle wink.

 

Clarke cocked her eyebrow, "You better watch yourself commander, keep doing things like that and I just might force you back to my quarters and make you submit." Then she walked away leaving Lexa with a dropped jaw and wide eyes.

 

Clarke led them to the gates, they opened allowing the girls to cross to the outside. Again, Clarke instantly felt a weight come off her shoulders when they left Arkadia. She felt herself taking deeper breathes as they walked, she felt more free outside it's metal walls. She felt more at home with every step she took into the wilderness. She really was a grounder, she found herself noting, knowing in that moment that she'd never feel fully comfortable within the Ark again.

 

They made their way along, taking about an hour to reach Lexa's camp. They had entwined their hands on the walk and found themselves giving each other meaningful looks trying to absorb as much of the others company in this calm before the storm.

 

Clarke separated from Lexa when they entered the camp. She went straight to Lexa's tent like she owned it while Indra went to speak with Lexa.

 

When Lexa entered her tent Clarke was pacing. Her mind was deep in thought about what could transpire that night. She felt Lexa's hand on her arm slowing her walking before Clarke stopped all together and looked at her. She knew she had worry written on her face. Lexa smiled sadly as she cupped her cheek and planted a kiss on her lips.

 

"You'll be alright Clarke." Lexa said.

 

Clarke shook her head, that wasn't what she was worried about. She wasn't concerned for herself. She was concerned for her people, for Lexa's people…for Lexa. She felt hot tears stinging her eyes as she wrapped her arms around Lexa. She felt Lexa grip her tightly, trying to reassure her with every second that passed between them.

 

Clarke found herself calming down, her mind began to clear. She nuzzled her face into Lexa's neck and placed a soft kiss on the bare skin she found, "Thank you," she whispered. The thank you wasn't for Lexa's words of comfort. Clarke was thanking her for giving her strength, for constantly being there for Clarke and making sure she was looked after.

 

Clarke hugged her tighter, feeling Lexa's soft breaths on her head. She felt Lexa stroke her hair, "I won't let you out of my sight."

 

Clarke stepped back and looked at her, "No."

 

Lexa looked at her questioningly before Clarke continued. "You can't watch over me, you need to protect yourself. I can handle myself."

 

Lexa looked at Clarke, "I can do both."

 

Clarke smiled sadly and cupped Lexa's cheek, "You'll try and you'll get hurt. I can't allow that. I can't lose you because of me."

 

"I'd die-" Lexa began before Clarke rolled her eyes and cut her off.

 

"A thousand deaths for me, I know. And I would for you as well, you know that, but it doesn't change the fact that I need you to worry about you. I need you to protect yourself first."

 

Lexa nodded knowing there was no point in arguing, "I will Clarke."

 

Clarke knew she was only telling her what she wanted to hear but she didn't care. Clarke and Lexa would both take a swords blade or a bullet for the other. That was abundantly clear now. At least she voiced her concerns, letting the weight lift off her as she did so.

 

Or it would have been lifted if Clarke's head wasn't such a prick.

 

_A thousand deaths..._

 

_All it would take is one._  

 

 

 


	51. The Lull

 

Lexa hugged Clarke once more before letting go reluctantly and crossing to her bedside table. She found what she was looking for before crossing to the other table and grabbing a small shard of mirror. Lexa sat down and began slowly covering her face in war paint. Clarke watched silently as Lexa slowly disappeared and the Commander came out.

 

When she was finished and the paint was flawless she turned to Clarke. She gestured slightly with the paint to the bed. Clarke understood and came over. Lexa watched as Clarke looked down at the paint and back to Lexa.

 

"I wouldn't even know where to start," Clarke explained.

 

Lexa smiled softly, her face full of admiration. "I can help you," Lexa said.

 

Instead of doing it for her Lexa simply guided Clarke in the process allowing the girl to find her own warrior mask, letting her decide where the trail of black paint when. Lexa watched in awe as Clarke flawlessly made her strokes. The paint going on thick and bending to Clarke's will. Lexa thought Clarke had an artists touch as she observed her movements. Clarke drew thick lines of black over her eyelids, under her eyes and tracing the lines diagonally upward with the flick of her wrist. The paint moved fading perfectly at the end of her strokes. She looked flawless when she had finished. She turned to look at Lexa for approval.

 

When she did Lexa felt her breath hitch in her throat. She, of course, saw Clarke beneath the newly painted Wanheda mask. Clarke's unsure shy smile cracking slightly as Lexa looked at her. Something about the paint trying to hide Clarke behind it made Lexa pull her close and kiss her soft and tender trying to make Clarke understand that she'd always see Clarke beneath the Wanheda façade. She felt Clarke melt in her arms and return the tenderness of the kiss.

 

Lexa soon broke the kiss and stared intently into Clarke's eyes, in that moment Lexa understood all the looks Clarke had  _ever_  given her. All the times she felt Clarke was piercing her soul with her blue eyes this was what she was seeing, or seeing through rather. Clarke never saw Heda, the Commander of the Blood – but Lexa. She  _always_  saw Lexa.

 

Lexa smiled as she spoke her next thought, "I see you Clarke, my angel who fell from the sky." Her words were deep with meaning. Layered in sentiments. She did see Clarke; she saw her heart, her soul, her hopes, her dreams, her fears and her mind. Lexa could have cried, as she felt even more appreciative to the girl that not only accepted her love but also  _returned_  it. 

 

 _Against all odds,_  she thought.

 

The words barely left her lips before she heard Clarke whisper her name in awe and kiss her deep. They entwined themselves briefly before regaining their heads and parting. Lexa held on to Clarke a few moments longer before letting her hands gently graze Clarke's hips before she broke the magnetic field holding them together.

 

She headed to her table and grabbed her gloves. She reached into a compartment of a luggage trunk and handed another pair to Clarke. Lexa then took her thumb and sweetly fixed the part of Clarke's face she had smudged during their kisses. She smiled as Clarke tilted her head leaning into the Commanders hand before turning her head and kissing Lexa's palm before she pulled her hand away.

 

Lexa sighed, the feeling to grab Clarke again was beginning to overwhelm her. The longer she stood that close to Clarke the more it intensified. She suddenly wanted nothing more than to kiss Clarke. To then rip off her clothes, maybe leaving Clarke's boots on and make the sky girl scream her name just as she did the night before. She shuddered as she saw the same desire reflecting back at her from the deep ocean of blue she found herself locked into, "The paint-"Lexa studdered as she spoke slightly, "You look so… _attractive,"_  repeating the sentiment Clarke had given her at Arkadia.

 

Clarke flashed a radiant smile and kissed Lexa hard with tongue. She felt Clarke give in to her urges and beginning to claw at Lexa more forcefully. Lexa almost lost herself in her own urges before she parted pinning Clarke's arms at her side. Clarke began to protest trying to wriggle her arms free.

 

"Clarke," Lexa smiled amused at the girl's struggles and pouting lips, "duties."

 

"You say 'duties' and I say 'doodies'," Clarke screwed up her face before giving up when Lexa gave her an exasperated look. 

 

Suddenly Lexa had an idea. She had to move she had to get this tension out of her body somehow. She couldn't go into battle with all of this sexual tension and desire running through her body. It would surely get them both killed. She grabbed Clarke's hand and pulled her to the exit of the tent. The sun was sitting a little higher now and Lexa dropped Clarke's hand as she gathered a couple bows and a couple quivers of arrows. She handed one to Clarke and they walked into a little patch of clearing.

 

Here Lexa dropped the quiver and showed Clarke how to sling hers on so it wouldn't impede her reach to the sword. She wanted Clarke to be prepared for anything and using a bow would definitely give her an advantage. She helped Clarke practice, being sure to step close behind her and encourage her with sweet whispers of praise. Clarke was very good, she had obviously used one before but under Lexa's guidance she flourished. Lexa was beaming with pride as she watched. Clarke would go back to her target and removed the arrows bringing them back and resetting herself time and time again.

 

Lexa took some practice shots before she laid her bow down and took out her sword. She began practicing in silence as Clarke stopped her shooting and took a break to watch Lexa. Lexa danced lightly around swinging the sword with deadly speed this way and that way. Cutting the air like it was threatening.

 

Clarke put down her bow and began doing a deadly dance of her own. She had both of the weapons Lexa had given her out slicing with ease as she went. Her movements were methodical, not unlike Lexa's own and shortly Lexa had stopped all together to watch the gorgeous sight. It was mesmerizing.

 

She heard someone clear his or her throat behind her bringing her out of her daze. Lexa turned to find Octavia watching the two of them with a playful smile on her face. "She's strong," Octavia said. "You make her strong."

 

Lexa sighed and looked at Clarke. "She was already strong," her voice thick with admiration and awe.

 

Octavia walked to stand beside her, "No. She was stubborn. She was too stubborn to give up. Too determined to save everyone. She wasn't strong like she is now. I see the difference in her everyday she is with you. Before, the fate of our people was crushing her; we didn't help matters much considering we –including myself - kept putting our shit on her."

 

Lexa looked at Octavia learning new things about her love was feeding her soul. Every word clearing up confusion and knew understanding of how Clarke became who she was. Elevated, above the masses.

 

"With you, it seems she  _can_  carry the weight of it. She's better equipped mentally, I guess? She can accept who she is and she can carry the consequences now. You did that."

 

Lexa looked back at Clarke. She couldn't take any credit for Clarke. She couldn't possibly take credit for the woman who danced with her blades before her like a deadly assassin. "I did nothing," she shook her head before whispering lovingly, "Clarke's special. She elevates herself above her burdens now. She just needed to be reminded and accepted for who she is."

 

Silence followed. Then, "You guys are so cute I want to vomit," Octavia said faking disgust.

 

With that she walked forward and drew her blade and turned. "Come on Commander, let's dance!" Octavia goaded her implying they should spar.

 

Lexa laughed heartily at Octavia's enthusiasm and put her blade up, "Let's see what you've got Octavia kom Trikru."

 

She watched as a dazzling wide smile flashed on Octavia's face as the Commander of the 13 clans just accepted her openly as one of her own. Lexa beamed at her and they began their assaults.

 

 


	52. The Jealousy

 

Clarke heard and angelic laugh that broke her out of her trance with the blades. She stopped moving to search for the source of the sound. She found Lexa emitting the beautiful noise. Clarke watched mesmerized by the sound. She never wanted it to end. She committed it to memory.

 

She had never heard Lexa laugh like that. The Commander was always more reserved in public. It was quiet moments when Lexa came out but here she, in public, and  _laughing._ It stirred something deep within her. Suddenly Clarke felt a bit of anger boil in her veins. She gritted her teeth slightly. She felt…jealous that it wasn't her making this sound come from her partner. She was angry that the first time she heard the angelic music it had been caused by someone else.

 

She found herself glaring slightly at Octavia as she watched Octavia move and gesture to Lexa to join her. Anger bubbled again, they were going to spar. Clarke's mind flashed back to Lexa teaching Clarke how to use her new blade. She locked her jaw as she watched Lexa raise her hand to join her.

 

Then Lexa spoke, warmly and inviting. Caring. It only seemed to burn the jealousy growing within her higher until Clarke's mind actually registered the words. She had just addressed Octavia as Octavia Kom TriKru. Clarke smiled despite her jealousy; Lexa was openly accepting the young sky girl, who was obviously more grounder than sky girl. Even in the Ark she was a grounder, spending most of her life literally underground in the Ark's floors. Clarke had watched Octavia over their time on Earth and saw her flourish with each day spent there. Her bravery and determination proving to help Clarke lead their people to safety more than once. Her loyalty being a gravitational pull that Clarke could rely on. Octavia had never failed her. Clarke felt ashamed now of her jealousy.

 

One of Lexa's servants handed Clarke a cup of water and a rag to dry the beads of sweat from her forehead. She drank deep and continued to watch as Lexa and Octavia's blades met.

 

Both girls moved silently the only sounds made being steel on steel. Clarke felt her jealousy bubble again as she realized Lexa was moving at full speed. She wasn't taking it easy on Octavia as she had with Clarke. They were flying around each other at full speed. Landing fists here and there and grunting as their hits landed. She watched as Lexa ducked beneath a swing of Octavia's, in the same motion Lexa's fist flew out and collided with Octavia's stomach knocking the wind from her lungs. Octavia fell back with a gasp of air. As soon as she fell she had swung her legs around and tripped Lexa the commander falling hard to the ground. Lexa rolled when she landed swiftly getting back to her feet as Octavia did the same. Lexa jumped in the air launching an overhead strike at her as Octavia tucked and rolled in the air landing on her feet again. She swung a fist and caught Lexa in the jaw, Clarke watched as a bit of black blood went flying in the blow. She felt her feet move forward instinctively going to defend Lexa. She stopped when she heard a familiar purr of pride come from Lexa, "Good, Octavia."

 

That sound boiled Clarke blood over. She swung her sword and Dagger into their holders, rounded on the spot and grabbed her bow and freshly filled quiver. She stalked off, angry with herself, jealous of Octavia and miffed at Lexa although she couldn't admit it to herself. Her little voice remained silent as Clarke was consumed with her feelings. She stormed into the camp walking aimlessly lost in her thoughts. Finally she saw Ryder and she joined him where he was sharpening his blade.

 

He smiled at her as she plopped down. He tossed her stone and Clarke pulled out her blades to mimic him. The movement of the stone, the sound of it grinding on the steel sharpening it with each stroke was soothing Clarke. Only slightly, but it was helping. It allowed her to focus on what she was doing versus what she was feeling. She knew Ryder was a man of few words so she was happy to have his silent company.

 

When she was satisfied with the prick of her steel. Knowing it could draw blood easily Clarke placed her knife and her sword in their places and she relaxed against the log she was propped up on. Clarke looked around watching the camp stay in constant motion. Everyone had a job to do. Everyone had a task and a purpose here. She watched as the grounders moved around the tent. The moral was light for what lay ahead of them. The grounders were confident and Clarke thought she knew why. She saw Lexa in a distance weaving her way through her people searching for something amongst the crowd.

 

It's because of her, she knows this, but her little voice couldn't help but add,  _it's also because of you._  The Commander of the Blood and The Commander of Death on the same side of this war was a huge motivator. She could no longer deny what the two girls had accomplished in such a short amount of time.

 

They had each saved their people from the mountain: resulting in Clarke destroying their bloodline, their people destroying the mountain physically, and the two Commander's bringing death to the Ice Queen in a daring feat of love and sacrifice.

 

Clarke watched as Ryder got up and went through the people and landed at Lexa's side. They spoke and Clarke looked away when she saw Ryder gesture her way knowing he was letting Lexa know where Clarke was.

 

Then Lexa was in front of her, "Clarke?" she said questioningly.

 

Clarke didn't look at her she was now fiddling with a loose knot of twine on one of her arrows. When Clarke didn't respond she felt Lexa sit beside her but not close enough to touch; some unseen barrier keeping her from coming closer.

 

Clarke had a wall up. She knew it was her jealousy, seeing Lexa again had brought up her intense feelings. Her mind flashed back to Lexa and Octavia fighting before she replayed Lexa's laugh in her head. The reminder only fuelling the fire. She tugged a little too hard on the twine and the arrow slipped cutting her hand. She winced and drew her hand back in pain.

 

Instantly she felt Lexa's hand on her own softly pulling Clarke's hand so she could tend to it. Clarke pulled her hand back, "I'm fine." Lexa looked at her confused.

 

"Clarke I was only trying to help…" Lexa said slightly hurt at the girls harsh tone.

 

"I said I'm fine," she said without looking up. She knew she was being harsh but she couldn't help herself. She was feeling too many things right now. Her mind couldn't keep it all straight.

 

She heard a ripping noise before she found Lexa's hand reaching out offering her a piece of fabric to wrap around the cut. She didn't fail to notice that Lexa was careful not to impede the invisible barrier Clarke built up. Clarke chanced a glance at her face, she saw hurt, worry and confusion mixed with the same tender loving care she always had when she looked at Clarke.

 

Clarke pulled her glove off and saw thick blood seeping from the wound.

 

Clarke felt ashamed of her little outburst and hurting Lexa's feelings, it wasn't her fault Clarke was jealous of her and Octavia. Clarke reached out and murmured her thanks as she took the fabric. She awkwardly tried to wrap her hand, failing to get it to stay in the right spot. She glanced up at Lexa who had been patiently watching over Clarke, now with a slight knowing smile at the corner of her lips. Clarke bashfully realized she couldn't do this on her own and lifted her hand slightly as though she was handing it over to Lexa.

 

Lexa paused watching for any sign of another outburst and then gently took Clarke's hand. She popped a little vile out of her pocket and Clarke heard the clink of a few others as she did so. She watched as Lexa slowly dripped some liquid over the cut. It stung and Clarke flinched slightly. Lexa began to rub her thumb on the back of Clarke's hand attempting to soothe the sting as she placed a few more drops on the cut.

 

"What is that?" Clarke asked quietly.

 

The sting was fading and Clarke felt the cut stop hurting slowly all together. She looked at it in amazement before looking at Lexa. The girl stayed quiet, watching intently before speaking, "Sap," she explained, "A special tree in TriKru territory, the sap dulls the pain and counteracts the poison."

 

"Poison!?" Clarke choked out.

 

Lexa nodded, "Some of our arrows are dipped in poison before battles," she said slowly, "and so will our enemy's."

 

Clarke looked up at her. Lexa had just saved her life. She was being so nonchalant about it as well. The girl amazed Clarke. Lexa grew quiet again, her face turning back to confusion as she watched Clarke while she wrapped her hand to keep dirt out. When she was finished she gently placed her hand on top of Clarkes before letting Clarke's hand go. Clarke watched her touched by her tenderness.

 

Lexa stood up and looked down at Clarke, "Shall I leave you alone?" She asked, afraid to upset Clarke, clearly still confused as to why Clarke was being so distant.

 

Clarke didn't speak but she shook her head. She didn't want her to leave. That was the truth.

 

Instead, Clarke stood, "let's take a walk."

 

 


	53. The Pacer

 

Lexa nodded as Clarke walked past her. She fell into step behind for a few moments trying to collect her thoughts. Clarke was acting strange. She was distant.

 

Could it be the war? Was it the presence of death waiting patiently for its first victims? Was Clarke being haunted by some unseen force. Lexa knew she had her walls up and it broke Lexa not to grab the girl and hold her in her arms and break those walls down again. She was confused. She needed Clarke and she felt her distancing herself from Lexa. She didn't know why. Was she afraid for Lexa?

 

 _Does she fear she'll lose me tonight?_ She watched Clarke walk in front of her lost in her own thoughts until Clarke turned to find her.

 

The eye contact brought Lexa's pace up, matching Clarke's steps so they were now side by side. She saw a small smile cross Clarke's lips before it fell again. Lexa remained quiet slightly placated that at least a brick of the wall Clarke put up had fallen down. The wall she had built was fractured, maybe Clarke wanted Lexa to tear it down?

 

She felt Clarke guide her to a more secluded area of the camp. They slowly made there way through into a clearing alone. The sun was directly above them and Lexa felt it warm her as she walked further from the trees. Clarke walked with her before stopping and sitting down. Lexa stopped looking at her questioningly. Clarke lied down flat on the grass beneath her, eyes up on the clouds above them.

 

Lexa took the hint and sat down beside her. She stayed quiet not wanting to interrupt. She felt Clarke's hand slowly reach for her arm and gently tug at the sleeve. Lexa gave in and followed Clarke's direction to lie back beside her. They lied side by side in silence, their chests slowly rising and falling into the same rhythm their hearts beating as one. Lexa stared at the clouds above her, the beauty of them capturing her eyes as she watched them dance in the wind.

 

After awhile she felt Clarke's hand make its way into Lexa's and tighten its grip. Clarke had let a few more bricks down from her wall. Lexa smiled slightly giving a squeeze to Clarke's hand, rubbing her thumb against the girl's soft skin. Lexa turned her head to look at Clarke.

 

Clarke kept her eyes up to the sky. Finally, Lexa broke the silence. She couldn't wait any longer, she had to know, "so, are you going to tell me what that was all about?"

 

Clarke looked at her and smiled shyly, "what if I don't want to tell you?"

 

Her voice was a whisper, she sounded embarrassed. Lexa looked at her confused thinking back to the moments leading up to her discovering Clarke had left her and Octavia. "Clarke," she said now smiling slightly, "were you jealous that I was sparring with Octavia?"

 

She didn't mean her voice to sound so surprised but there it was.

 

She watched Clarke keenly, Clarke looked back to the clouds above them, "maybe." She half admitted.

 

Lexa smiled, "We can spar right now if you like?"

 

Clarke shook her head, "No, it wasn't just that."

 

Lexa was confused again. She shook her head trying to make sense of it all. "I don't understand."

 

Clarke took a deep breath and sighed. She paused for a moment and Lexa saw she was struggling with something inside her, then Clarke rolled her eyes.

 

"You're going to think it's stupid."

 

Lexa looked at her incredulously, "I doubt that, Clarke." She had never thought Clarke to be dim-witted in all the time she knew the girl. Clarke's brain, in Lexa's opinion, had always worked so well alongside her heart, her mind was strong and unyielding but in tune with Clarke's desires and intentions.

 

Clarke sighed again at Lexa's brush off. She looked at Lexa, she locked her eyes on ocean of blue letting it carry her away before Clarkes next statement floored her.

 

"You laughed," Clarke admitted.

 

Lexa cocked her eyebrow not understanding.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes again, "you  _really_  laughed with Octavia. I had never heard it before, not like that." Her voice was soft and slightly dejected.

 

She was unsure what to say to that, "I…I didn't mean to offend you."

 

Clarke sat up and turned to look at her. "You didn't…it was just a magical sound. I wish I was the cause of it."

 

Lexa blinked at Clarke's statement. She didn't think it was possibly to love someone more than she loved Clarke but again her heart surprised her reaching new lengths of admiration.

 

Lexa sat up and cupped Clarke's face gingerly, looking through the face paint to Clarke's soul. "You make my heart sing Clarke," she kissed her cheek, "I haven't heard myself laugh like that in years…" she said quietly, "you did cause it."

 

With that Clarke captured Lexa's lips with her own slipping closer and putting her hand on her thigh and the other on her neck. Her skin tingled at the touch and she returned the kiss allowing them both to sink into further.

 

Finally, Lexa broke their embrace and stood holding out a hand for Clarke to help her up. They walked together back into the folds of people and made their way to Lexa's tent. It was mid afternoon now and they needed to address their people, finalize their plans and hear of the decision of the clans.

 

They filled their bellies with food and drink, fuelling them for their fight, warming their insides. The spirit within the camp was palpable; it coursed within every member of the camp. Everyone was mentally preparing to take lives, building themselves up to break the enemy down. When they had addressed their men within the camp their warriors began to move out. They were heading to their positions for the assault, they were to await the signal blasts from the mines SkaiKru were planting.

 

They were informed as the afternoon went on that Azgeda remained vigilant to reject Roan's rule. They learned that 3 clans had defected back to the coalition, leaving two remaining on the side of Nia's memory. Lexa declared them enemies of the coalition learning that they now rejected her brand. She ordered them to be put to death unless they surrender. Lexa and Clarke returned to the tent when they were finished to digest the information and discuss.

 

Lexa lay down on the bed as Clarke began to pace. "You should rest Clarke," she told her.

 

Clarke stopped her pacing and looked at Lexa, "how can you relax?"

 

Lexa opened her eyes, "Easily, the thing I care about most in this world is safe, pacing insistently and interrupting my nap."

 

She saw Clarke smile and make her way over the bed. She hopped in beside her and curled into Lexa's side. Lexa shifted and spooned Clarke, pushing her hair off her neck as she did so and laying a soft kiss to her neck. Clarke sighed at the tenderness and they melted into each other, finding the refuge they had always unknowingly sought.

 

 


	54. The Hurricane

 

At some point during the afternoon Octavia had entered the tent. Lexa found her in a chair in the corner reading when she woke up. She seemed to be pouring over an old map. Lexa still had her arms securely holding on to the sleeping blonde in her arms. Octavia grinned at her and Clarke's sleeping form when she saw Lexa was awake.

 

Lexa tightened her grip slightly and placed a kiss to Clarke's cheek. Lexa didn't care that Octavia was there, she trusted her, she could be affectionate to Clarke unbound by her title in her presence. She was pleasantly surprised that the touch woke Clarke and her mouth produced a sleepy smile before her eyes fluttered open.

 

As soon as she could see the blue of Clarke's eyes Lexa found herself getting lost within them once again. She leaned over and kissed Clarke softly on the mouth and Clarke responded by slipping her tongue in before Octavia cleared her throat snapping her out of it.

 

She watched Clarke roll her eyes when she saw Octavia, "Don't you have somewhere else to be?" she said to her slightly annoyed.

 

Lexa smiled and removed herself from around Clarke. She went for a glass of water before bringing one to Clarke as well.

 

"I am where I'm supposed to be. I'm your guard Clarke," she said proudly.

 

Clarke looked at the Blake girl, "My guard?"

 

Octavia nodded, "Indra's orders."

 

Lexa smiled at the information. It was smart of her to direct her second to watch Clarke's back. Lexa was grateful to both of them. Knowing how loyal Octavia is, Lexa felt better knowing that if something had separated her from Clarke that Octavia would do everything in her power to help her. She was quite good at her newfound role as a leader and warrior.

 

In the distance there was the beginning sounds of war drums.

 

Dusk was falling.

 

Lexa sighed.

 

It was time.

 

Lexa saw Clarke flash her a frightened look at the noise. "Octavia, inform my guard that we will be leaving shortly, please," Lexa requested.

 

Octavia nodded and skipped out of the tent. Lexa turned to face Clarke. Before she could speak the blonde was up and making her way into Lexa's arms. They held each other tight for some time before separating slightly. Lexa looked down on the blonde in her arms. She let her eyes linger on her face, committing each part of her to memory once again. Letting Clarke tattoo her heart with her image and stain it with her love.

 

Clarke must have been doing the same thing because Lexa could see her eyes roving around her face multiple times before settling on her green eyes a final time. They were locked in a stare; silently wishing that time would stand still just for a moment, just for them.

 

Lexa noticed tears begin to well up in Clarke's eyes. She saw the girl's chest begin to labour as her breathing picked up. She was getting worked up. She was panicking; Lexa could see it in her eyes. The sight broke her heart, she knew Clarke was afraid of the same thing she was: losing each other.

 

Lexa instinctively pulled Clarke close again in the tightest hug she's ever given her. She wanted to squeeze the fear out of her and absorb it. She wanted to remove Clarke's pains, fear and concerns. She'd gladly bear the weight of them for her. Clarke silently began to sob into Lexa's chest. Lexa peppered her head with kisses.

 

"I'm right here Clarke," she whispered trying to hide the cracking in her own voice due to her emotions.

 

She felt Clarke nod into her chest and lift her head slightly to plant a soft teary kiss on the bare skin of Lexa's neck. Lexa shifted and put her hand to Clarke's chin, raising it, tilting her head and leaning in, "I love you Clarke," she whispered. She captured Clarke's lips against her own, she felt Clarke clutch at her, as the kiss changed from bittersweet to urgent, from urgent to passionate.

 

Lexa felt Clarke pull away and look up at her, "I love you too…with every single part of me," the last part was a barely audible whisper.

 

Lexa couldn't find the words. She couldn't speak. She was afraid if she did she'd begin to cry. She had to be strong for Clarke. She had to help her through their new daunting task. Instead, she nodded and silently promised the same.

 

They walked together to the opening of the tent hand in hand. Before they left they took one last meaningful look at each other. Soaking in their last moment of peace before the hurricane hit. They took a deep breath as one and exited the tent, fingertips lingering ever so slightly before separating completely.

 

They walked to the sound of beating drums. They marched in pace with them out of the woods and towards Arkadia's clearing. They had their army split and into various positions to help curb any attacks. They had their mines planted, their bomb teams ready with smoke and grenades, gunners and archers in the trees and on the fence, and warriors lining the tree line waiting for the moment to attack. It was dark now.

 

Then they could see them off in the distance. Shadowy shapes silhouetted in the moonlight. Thousands of them.

 

A war horn made them pause. Lexa held and arm out making sure Clarke stopped. The two of them remained still, halting their warriors' progress as well. Lexa and Clarke in front, standing side-by-side staring into the storm.

 

A group of people exited the tree line a fair distance away, they carried torches so they were clearly visible, and they came out to the open and froze. She felt Clarke shift beside her, "What are they doing? Surrendering?"

 

Lexa shook her head slightly, "No," she said watching intently, anger beginning to boil up at the sight. She knew where this was going; she had seen it before. The man with the horn raised it to his lips again and blew two sharp blasts.

 

She watched as flaming arrows shot into the night. Screams erupted to their right, from the other side of Arkadia, another set of screams to the left and many in the far off distance. Lexa swore under her breath but she knew Clarke heard it. In the far distance she could see yellow smoke rising, she understood what had happened.

 

Broadleaf, Shallow Valley and Azgeda all had access to Shole trees. Their sap was acid. Ignite it and the smoke it produces is poison.

 

"Stay away from the smoke! It's poison!" Lexa barked out knowing the Skaikru wouldn't know what it is. She heard her command being repeated through the ranks mingling with the screams of those being poisoned in the distance.

 

Suddenly there was movement. Warriors came running from all sides, their shapes barely visible in the night but Lexa saw them.

 

"They're attacking!" Clarke barked attempting to ready those around her.

 

"Watch their arrows!" Lexa shouted out after, she knew they were coming their way she just didn't know when. As of right now they were out of range. "Spread out, when you hear the mines the second wave will come out and we can surround them!"

 

Lexa looked briefly at Clarke, locking eyes. The blonde gave her a nod with her head, indicating that she was ready; Lexa returned it, indicating that they were in this together. She smiled at Clarke, when she found the girl returned it Lexa felt it make her heart soar. Clarke's smile gave her the courage to move forward, she took a step, another and another before stopping. She drew her sword. She found Clarke move into position beside her, the two of them alone in front of their surging foe with their army behind them.

 

Lexa raised her free hand and lazily flicked her wrist forward; the slight motion from their Heda sparked the army forward. She felt them rush past them into the night. War cries erupting from every one of them.

 

She chanced another look at Clarke as gunshots rang out and they followed the army. They moved quickly, not taking long to start running into the enemy. Lexa dodged an attacker rolling to the ground and popping up spinning and removing the man's head from his shoulders with her sword. She adjusted and struck another straight through the chest. She chanced a look at Clarke who had taken out two of her own attackers.

 

Clarke was pulling her sword out of a third when Lexa saw the arrows begin to fly. They had unknowingly crossed into the archers range. "Clarke move!"

 

Clarke didn't need to be told a second time, she zigged and zagged dodging the arrows landing around her. She took out two more men in her motions. She was handling herself very well. Beside her was Octavia, hacking and rolling at anything that dared come into their vicinity.

 

Lexa killed another three men as she made her way closer to Clarke. She watched as Clarke was shoved Octavia to the ground landing on top of her then grabbing the girl and rolling to her right. As she rolled the two of them Lexa heard and saw bullets pepper the ground where they had just been. Panic coursed through her veins,  _guns?_

 

"Lexa, look out!" Clarke screamed from her knees and Lexa turned just as she saw a man and his axe raised she saw her dagger she had given to Clarke land in his throat. He stopped with a surprised look; Lexa reached out and grabbed the dagger from his neck before he fell to the ground at her feet. With that Lexa turned to head to Clarke.  _That was too close._

 

Clarke regained her footing, "They have guns?"

 

"The ones that were left in Ice Nation when we escaped!" Octavia said parrying an arrow that had been shot their way, saving Clarke from being struck.

 

Clarke stood and killed the man that was charging Octavia's back. Lexa twirled and killed two warriors trying to blind-side her. She heard Clarke swear and put her sword away. She then reached around and pulled her bow off her back. Lexa watched her notch the arrow and let it fly, hitting the man with the gun in the leg as she notched another and struck him in the chest.

 

"Clarke!" Lexa screamed as she saw a man aiming his bow at Clarke, as she did Clarke had risen and was already running full tilt towards her. Lexa panicked, she hadn't heard her warning, Clarke didn't see the man lining her up in his sights.

 

Lexa started bolting towards Clarke just as she heard Clarke scream her name they collided in mid air chest hitting chest knocking the wind from them as they twisted in the air together and went flying to the ground. Their bodies separated as they landed.

 

Lexa felt a burning in her right arm and she knew she had been hit. Clarke and her had both saved the other from taking more than one arrow it seemed. She bounced up and held a hand to Clarke who took it and rose, just as she did Lexa felt a pang in her leg as an arrow struck her. She fell to one knee at the impact before gritting her teeth, snapping the shaft and wrenching the arrow from her leg. She growled in pain as she did and Clarke laid a hand on her thigh briefly to try and help soothe the pain. Then the hand was gone again, ferocity took over her features and war cry came out of her mouth. She launched herself over Lexa and at the man; she slid as she got close whipping out her sword and taking out his legs. She swiftly rose and stabbed him through the back into his heart.

 

Then Lexa heard the minefield begin to blow. One after the other a deafening explosion rang out with howls of pain. Lexa stood wincing at the pain before she felt another arrow strike her in the back. She fell to the ground gasping for air. She could feel the blood begin to seep from the wound with force. The arrow's poison was travelling quickly. She felt the burning of her hit arm spreading down to her fingers. Then she felt it spreading up her arm, into her chest meeting up with the poison from the one in her back.

 

Lexa was now facedown on her stomache, gasping for air through the pain, air that wouldn't come properly. She felt her head begin to swim; she turned her head trying to focus on those around her. She had to find Clarke. She had to know she was okay. She felt a body land at her side, Lexa looked to find an enemy dead in front of her before another landed with a sick thud on top of him. Octavia was grabbing a third body attempting to create a sort of wall to help block Lexa.

 

"Clarke!" she heard her scream trying to get the blonds attention and grabbing another body for her wall. Lexa could see men and women running everywhere, the sounds of the battle slowly shrinking in her ears, she could feel her body becoming weaker by the second, she struggled to breathe and stay conscious. She kept her mind on Clarke, searching out as best she could to find the blonde. She was trying to ignore the pain and twist her body trying to expand her range of view.

 

Then she saw her. Clarke was stumbling but running forward. Her movements were off - Lexa knew something was wrong.

 

Clarke looked weak.

 

 


	55. The End is The Beginning

 

 

 

Clarke felt her body collide with Lexa as they went flying together to the ground. She felt a burning in her left arm and felt her knee hit hard into a rock. She winced at the pain before regaining her feet with Lexa's help. Clarke's eyes flew open in shock as Lexa fell to her knee, an arrow sticking oddly out of it. Clarke froxe as Lexa snapped the shaft and pulled the arrow free. Clarke fell to a knee, ignoring her own pain and laid a hand on Lexa's thigh instinctively before her anger boiled over and she found the man lining up another shot. She flew into action, jumping over Lexa and running at the man, a sound coming from her mouth she had never heard before.

 

She pulled her sword as she slid and took him out at the knees before she stood and stabbed him in the back right through the heart. Explosions began to sound.  _The minefield!_  Clarke panicked. Something wasn't right. It was too soon.

 

She felt her head begin to swim as she shook it trying to clear a growing fog. She instinctively reached to her arm as she felt the burning from her wound begin to spread. Clarke looked; she saw a tear in her jacket and red blood seeping from the wound. She took a deep breath as pain coursed through her.  _Poison,_  she remembered, knowing that the burning was starting to spread.

 

"Clarke!" she heard Octavia scream.

 

Clarke's vision fixed itself at the panicked tone and she looked to find Octavia hurriedly dragging bodies into a pile. Clarke took off towards her, the panic in Octavia's voice spurring her faster, the pain and poison making her stumble awkwardly.

 

Clarke ignored the people running around her,  _you need more cover than those bodies,_  her little voice told her. She pulled the smoke grenade she had taken earlier out. She pulled the pin and dropped it in her wake, too weak to throw it. She dodged an attack and leapt into the air over Octavia's wall of bodies. When she landed in more pain, her vision swam and her mind began to fog. The poison was moving faster the more her body demanded the blood to be pumped.

 

"Clarke, what do we do?" Octavia asked her in a panicked voice.

 

Clarke turned her head and saw Octavia now crouching over a body beside her. Clarke's breathing stopped as she scrambled on her knees to the girl. She knew that coat.

 

"Lexa…" Clarke whispered ignoring her own pain and foggy mind, her eyes traveled to cut on Lexa's right arm and then to the arrow in her back. Hot tears began to pore from her eyes fearing the worst before she saw that Lexa was, in fact, still breathing.

 

Clarke pushed Octavia out of her way and pulled the arrow free. Lexa howled in pain but the strength behind the howl was gone. Lexa was weak from the poison, blood was pouring out of her wound at a rapid pace,  _too fast,_  Clarke thought, the arrow must have landed deeper than she thought. "Pressure, there!" Clarke instructed to Octavia.

 

Clarke's strength was leaving her too, but she fought the urge to black out and instead demanded her brain to work. She then had a thought. She rolled Lexa gently over on her side and began rummaging through her pockets. She found the vile of coagulant the grounders used to slow bleeding. Clarke took it out, rolled Lexa onto her stomach gently and administered the substance on the wound. Octavia placed a firm hand on her back again for Clarke.

 

Clarke looked up, her breathing heavy, her body fighting the poison and failing. Her head began to swim again, in her last bit of strength before she fell to her own stomach beside Lexa she coughed out to Octavia, "it's poison…we need sap…where the arrows struck."

 

 

She heard something escape Octavia's lips but Clarke couldn't hear it over the blood now rushing to her head, forcing her to lose consciousness slightly. Clarke could feel hands on her pushing her, jostling her and Lexa slightly, but she had no knowledge as to what was being done. All Clarke could do at this point was focus on the green that peered out at her from half lidded eyes. The spark was dim in them; the light that typically danced in the green of Lexa's eyes was no longer vibrant. She felt her hand reach out and find Lexa's outstretched arm. The familiar tingle she felt in her finger tips told her that she had made contact, she felt her body begin to quake as she saw Lexa's eyes close slowly, open one last time to lock to Clarke's and then roll into the back of her head as her body began to twitch.

 

"Lexa..." Clarke whispered in horror through her own body's tremors before everything went black.

 

* * *

 

 

**END PART I**

Part ii Rewriting History

Part iii Flames, Fire and Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because, FUCK YOU JASON.
> 
>  
> 
> May we meet again.  
> \- HedaQueenslayer

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments appreciated. I see you. Part 4 is in progress now.
> 
> In peace may you leave this shore,  
> In love may you find the next,  
> Safe passage on your travels,  
> Until our final journey on the ground,  
> May we meet again.


End file.
